I first met Wade Cainan in elementary school, in a classroom during lunchtime. I had a slight fever but I was determined to get through the day without letting anybody know it. I sat in my seat and hung my head over my peanut butter and jelly sandwich, hoping the sweet smell of strawberry would keep me awake. I hadn't touched my milk carton and I didn't have the motivation to break the seal to my cracker sticks and cheese dip.
I could hear the subtle banter between a couple of my classmates. I could hear George, the class hamster running tirelessly on his wheel. I could make out the sound of chalk tapping against the chalkboard, as my teacher Ms. Arnette wrote lessons on it. It was all vivid and loud until it wasn't anymore.
I got a hold of my throbbing head. "Hey," someone said. "What's wrong with you?"
I couldn't reply to him. I was too busy trying to keep my body upright.
"Hey," the voice persisted. "Did you eat something bad?"
I shook my head hoping it would be enough to shoo him away. I couldn't afford to get sick. I couldn't afford to let my grades drop. This was nothing. It was fine. Everything was going to be okay if I just kept--
A pair of cold hands got a hold of my face and forced me to look up. "You don't look so good," the boy diagnosed. His golden uneven locks fell to the side of his round face. I assumed a bad haircut was the cause but I had no energy to question it.
His lashes were long and his bright eyes whimsical. I somehow found comfort in them and forced myself to smile. "I'm okay," I told him.
"You're not."
"I am."
"But you're not."
"But I said I am."
"Teacher," the boy called, taking his hands back.
Ms. Arnette stopped writing on the board and looked over her shoulder. "Yes, Wade?" she asked.
"This girl is sick," he pointed at me.
I dropped my head again as everyone in class began to stare at me. I didn't like it one bit. I didn't enjoy being the center of attention, not for things like this. "I said I'm fine," I replied, as loudly as I could. My voice dropped immediately after. "Just fine."
Ms. Arnette put the chalk down, wiped her fingers with a cloth, and walked over to assess the situation for herself. "You're burning up, Tomasia," she gasped, checking my temperature with the back of her hand. "Come on, let's get you to the nurse's office."
"I don't need to go," I replied.
Ms. Arnette dropped to meet my unsteady gaze. I admired her full black hair and dark complexion before turning away, embarrassed. "Please don't tell my parents," I said under my breath. "I don't want them to worry."
"It's normal for parents to worry, Tomasia," Ms. Arnette explained. "If your fever gets worse then your mom and dad's worries will double. Is that what you want?"
I shook my head. Ms. Arnette wiggled her fingers, and encouraged me to accept her hand. As soon as I did, she took me away from the prying eyes of my fellow classmates, and from the boy who never learned to mind his own business. Ms. Arnette on the other hand, learned the hard way that my parents weren't the 'dotting' type. Hearing about my fever didn't phase either of them. They offered to have a car pick me up, and assured my teacher one of the caretakers at home would look after me.
If I was being honest, that nosy little boy was my first real friend, and probably my last. I was sad when he said he couldn't stay by my side anymore. I was devastated when he said he didn't like me or my selfish brother. I didn't understand what we did to repel him. I couldn't comprehend mine or Loyal's mistakes. It wasn't until I met Zander, that I allowed myself to trust others again.
My mind drifted back to focus on the friend request Wade Cainan sent me. I couldn't tell you how long I had been sitting on the floor of my bedroom. Maybe twenty minutes? Maybe an hour? I lost track. My eyes flashed to the window. The sun was going to set soon, and when it did, none of it would matter. I would be able to asleep and force all my worries deep into my subconscious.
Ding.
I looked down at my phone and saw a message from my childhood friend. 'It's been too many years. How are you?'
Tears filled my eyes. Fine, I wanted to reply. It has been many years since we last spoke but I'm still that same pathetic little girl you used to know. I'm still desperately trying to gain my parents' approval at the expense of my own mental and physical health. I'm still pretending to be okay when I'm hurting inside. Nothing has changed. Not a single thing, Wade. So, this girl that you're messaging isn't worth getting in touch with. She isn't worth rekindling anything with because all you will find at the end of this conversation is a broken soul.
'So nice to connect with you," I typed, sniffling. 'Thanks for the add. I hope you're well.'
He read it right away. 'To be honest, this app has been recommending that I add you for a while now but I couldn't pull the trigger.'
'Why not?'
'Because of what I did all those years ago. Because of what I said. I think I left you when you needed me the most.'
The bedroom window opened and Zander Easton climbed over. My eyes widened and my heart jolted.
My head throbbed harder than it ever had and my vision blurred from the tears. I was dreaming. This was a dream. He wasn't really there. He couldn't be. I was hallucinating. I was going insane.
And yet, as he walked over and knelt down to wipe my cheeks, all I could do was drop my phone and leap into arms.