Muddle✔

brink

Rivi's pov:

After the exhausting day I started walking back towards my dorm.Still have to do mild workout and streching.

Today my muscles surely got their relaxation but i am way more exhausted, emotionally.

Sometimes it just gets so difficult managing the cases.
I just want to fall down on my knees and bawl.

I can't keep up with so much happening physically ,emotionally .
I am just exhausted.

I just feel too shattered, too helpless today...like the surroundings around me are alive but I am dead,numb.

I admit rae's case was extreme but I have had patients with history of abuse.
But atleast I had my family to talk, to vent ,to cry to ,here I just feel alone.

I need to earn a phone call!!
And I know for a fact no matter how hard I try I'll never be good enough for grendel's standards.

I have missed a major part of my teenage studying like crazy,
I was surrounded by thesis to complete,instead of friends.

I was too young for the people in my class and too mature for the people my age.mum has always been busy with her business, dad too but still I am closer to him.
Zayn and my studies never happened to be in same institution,not letting us live together for most part.
I do love him,but he was never really there physically.
I so, wish I had someone to fall upon, to hug ,just someone I can invest emotionally in.

Ironically I have read about human emotions but here I am messed up with mine.
I don't even know why am I thinking about all this,I just want a tight embrace.
Not to take away all my miseries and pain,I just need someone,anyone to remind me I am strong,I can do it!

I have been doing that for me alone.

I get it,I am the one who chose for PhD or kickboxing or pretty much all of my life decisions.

But for heavens sake I am just 18!!!!
I am still a teenager, my hormones are making me restless!

Rae didn't show the kind of response I was expecting.
I feel I let down my degree,I have been letting down grendel everyday.
I feel I am letting down my dreams!!

And a few tears rolled down my cheeks.
Pink sky,mild wind and greenery around me made me sit on the pavement .
I held my head between my hands in an attempt to calm down my scattered emotions.

Someone tapped my shoulder and I looked up.

°want to talk about it?°
Hardin asked hesitantly. He still hasn't changed his morning attire.

'Umm..no.i...I was about to leave just felt tired to walk ' I said forcing a smile.

°I don't want to intrude,but I can tell you are working yourself up thinking about  something.
Just so you know if you feel like talking about it ,I am here.°
He said like a gentleman.

And my stupid eyes found it as their cue to throw a grand water work show.

And a sob escaped my lips.

God!! Why am I being this pathetic.

Hardin took me in a side hug.

I just got into a full hug holding him tight.
And my sobs became louder.

He gently patted my upper thoracic vertebrae.

Seriously thoracic vertebrae!!!!!
You are hopeless woman.

After a couple of minutes  I pulled back.

Making a wet patch of steel blue on his carolina blue t shirt.