Daisy | Levi Ackerman

Chapter 40 - Selfish Fears

[Naomi]

One of those days, through the coming middle of November; I had started making prototypes of my blueprinted mass weapon projects for the upcoming operation to venture farther than Wall Maria. If Eren could use his titan coordinating power, it could work perfectly- but if not then we'd have to resort to using bait.

Making prototypes for these inventions have become the activity that diverted my mind elsewhere away from the dark abyss that always clouded over me whenever I remember the occurences of the past weeks. It had been two weeks since the Shiganshina Expedition.

A week or more since Armin's birthday.

I sighed as I turned away from my mother's journals, set on the edge of the wide desk I was working on at my office just by the garden. The window was just a short distance in front of me, giving me a peaceful view of the beautiful landscape my foster parents have had maintained.

The flowers were wilting and the golden tree leaves were falling, signifying the entrance of the cold, lonely winter season. In my chest, I could feel a cavity. A stretching emptiness that I couldn't fill. Not with time, not with words, not even with my hobbies that usually swept the numbness away.

I built a small, wooden miniature project of the mass weapon to be installed at the gates; crushing the titans with its incredibly heavy mass when the pulley was yanked at command. It was about the size of a small gingerbread house, and I was carving all the pieces that should fit in it with the screws.

Trying to clear the clutter in my mind to make room for the new recruits of the Fourth Squad, I sat there quietly in my place, focusing on the little wood piece I was shaving.

I was making good progress with wiping my brain into a blank slate, when suddenly;

"Lady Naomi," I heard Vita's voice from the left side of the room, behind me. She curtseyed there on her position by the door and gave me a warm smile. "I'd like to inform you that Captain Levi has arrived... Currently being held off by Leila at the gate. Shall I tell him you're... Resting?"

Vita and Leila had both been very patient with me and my short-circuit temper these days, and how I had been shutting everyone out from my life. Both literally and figuratively.

They tried their best to understand that the pain I felt inside of me was preventing me from interacting the same way with people- especially those who were my company on the expedition to Shiganshina.

"Yes please." I replied, returning my gaze towards the prototype on my desk. I attached the piece of wood on the metal frame, tilting my head blankly. "I don't want any visitors right now."

"A-Alright, Your Grace." She replied, before hurrying off to inform Levi, for I wasn't sure how many times now- that I did not want to see him at that moment.

I didn't trust that Leila could have been doing a good job with holding him off, but since a minute has passed and they have still not come back, I thought that they might have been successful.

Until that cold, bitter voice came from behind me.

"Hey." Levi called calmly, making me shift where I sat, but I kept my eyes on the prototype. "Kid. You can't keep doing this to me. This is irritating."

I didn't answer.

"Naomi." He called again.

"Please leave me be." I answered quietly.

"Why do you act as if you're the only person allowed to mourn for Erwin?" He asked. Making me breathe out sharply. "This self-entitledness is getting on my nerves."