Warren Beasts

42: Jupiter Jackalopes @ Trollwake Narwhals

"Women." Sage snorts, shaking her head.

The comm crackles. "Alright kids, the ump just gave us the go ahead. Let's move it." It's Coach Wu.

"Seriously? With all that snow and ice?" Artie's voice trembles over the comm.

"Don't be such a snowflake, Amphigore! You know better than anyone what these tubs are capable of. This is perfect weather for Tourneytub. Now get your asses out there and go club a few narwhals, kids!" Dawn sounds jubilant.

Sage needs no further encouragement. She smashes Storm Zen's yoke, bounding the tub out into the snow. Immediately, the machine's burgundy coat is covered in a thin white film. Phoenix Beacon isn't far behind. Peter in Jolly Roger follows after, soon hopping inside the Jackalopes' sole manifestation station provided by the Trollwake groundskeepers. Each team's city is separated into two, with ten buildings huddled to the left and ten huddled to the right, at all corners of the court.

The Narwhals' thaumaturge, in a tub called BBFT, manifests a narwhal humor. Sage nearly laughs out loud, expecting it to flop about on the ice uselessly, but instead it floats over the ground, skimming through the air as easily as its natural brethren would swim through the sea. The bronze horned humor swishes its dappled gray tail back and forth as BBFT opens the Narwhals' manifestation station doorway. The narwhal barrels forward, headed for Jackalopes turf.

As for the Jackalopes' own humor, Peter managed to manifest a towering snowman with a set of wicked-looking antlers sprouting out of its head and two skinny wooden arms poking from its sides. Only it's not exactly a snowman. Sage looks again, and sees it's actually a snow woman. With actual breasts bouncing up and down as the humor bobs out from the manifestation station.

"Uh. Nice anime boobs on that humor, Donkersmit." Sage snickers.

She hears slightly embarrassed, slightly proud laughter crackle over the comm.

"Sawyer. Donkersmit. Focus. You got a whale on your tail. Peter, hold it off before it reaches our cities. Sawyer, focus on their wrangler Eclare. O'Toole, try to get through to their own cities until snow boobs there gets over to Narwhals turf. Though watch out for their shield, Pitter Patter. Artie says it's an Arctic Wind Barge, and that tub model really tends to pack a punch." Talia's directions are clipped. Tense. Nervous. She sounds about as stressed as the Jackalope jockeys feel out here on the court.

"Ten-four, Talia." Sage says as she swoops Storm Zen through a dozen snow banks. She aims for Eclare, whose pearly white hull glistens beneath the floodlights of the stadium. Sage manages to get Storm Zen wrapped around Eclare's sturdy legs, and they both go down. But instead of the usual shock of concrete shuddering through their pulsesteel structures as soon as they hit the floor, they find themselves sliding across the court, trying in vain to get a good grip on the ice to overpower the other.

Sage flails Storm Zen's arms, catching nothing but snow in its grasping metal hands. Eclare is now free of Storm Zen's grip, but both tubs keep sliding, sliding, sliding...

In fact, both wranglers slide so far they end up on the opposite side of the court, near the melee line. The only thing stopping them are the wooden poles of the benchpen, rising up to smash against the tubs' midsections. Sage gets so close to her teammates sitting on the bench, she can see the whites of Artie's eyes bulge as Storm Zen's cockpit window halts just a foot before impact with his wheelchair.

"Sup?" Sage laughs, trying to cut the tension.

She sees Artie raise his comm to his mouth. But it's really not necessary. They're so close she can hear him through her cockpit's rhino glass. "Look out behind you!"