Thawing Prachaya's Frozen Heart

CHAPTER NINE

Singto

I can see many dead bodies lying on the floor, there are so many they covered the entire room. I’m sitting at the center, covered with blood. I want to scream but I cannot find my voice. I was trembling and my tears did not stop. I felt an extreme fear. It was so raw, so… vivid.

It was so silent, then… I heard footsteps behind me.. slowly… slowly coming closer.

I want to see who it is, I want to turn my head…. But I cannot… my fear intensifies each footstep I hear.

“Prachaya… come with me..”

Suddenly, I am in my room. I can see the black ceiling, my study table.. the wallpaper… black and gray. I can see my room and I know that I’m lying on my bed. But my eyes were close.

I want to open it but it feels so heavy. Once again, I felt the fear. I screamed but my mouth won’t open. I want to move my hands but I felt a force preventing me.

The fear is suffocating me. Every second, it’s getting harder to breathe…

Please someone…. Save me… please

I beg, beg, and beg… but no one came…

I do not know how long, but I manage to move my hand, with that I opened my eyes and sit up grasping.

This again.

It is the 3rd time tonight. I am extremely tired… i look at the digital clock beside my bed. It reads 5:30 .. the sun is slowly rising, I feel like I did not sleep at all.

Days, months and now I remember that it is more or less 1 year already. These nightmares keep coming. Why? When will this stop…

I remember the sleeping pills I keep in my drawers.

“You should drink a lot of sleeping pills Singto”

“You should drink a lot so your nightmares will stop”

I heard the familiar voice in my head, followed by the urge to do it.
My rationality won’t allow me, but the urge is clawing my insides. I cannot stand it.

I stand up to frantically search for the sleeping pills. I remove all the contents in each of the drawers when I cannot find it.

“Where is it.. where?” The urge did not stop, it felt like ripping my heart out, I need to drink the pills. I need it now.

I found it at the bottom part. I poured the content on my palm without counting how many pills. I shove it down my throat with just the thought of escaping from my nightmares…

Every time I fulfilled the extreme urge at the pit of my stomach, the voice disappears. Finally..

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Krist

P’sing is sleeping. Mae preng made sure to feed him first. P’davis informed Phee that Por’s is coming in a few hours, but P’singto did not show any reaction and just said that he want to sleep so we let him rest.

P’davis took care of my absence at the uni but I needed to attend tomorrow because of our intramurals. P’new and Fluke came and stayed with P’sing for a few hours, although they have an argument last time, it’s as if it did not happen.

P’new joke around while Fluke keep blocking P’new’s attempt to be funny. While P’sing just look at the two with his neutral expression, but I felt that being with his two friends made him feel better.

It’s 10 pm now, but I cannot sleep. I’m afraid his nightmares would come and he will attempt something dangerous again.

Today, it was the first time that I felt that kind of fear. It was scary knowing that any moment you could lose someone. I do not want to feel that again.

As I sit on the chair beside P’sing, I remember the days were I also wanted to stop the pain. I died multiple times inside my head, I think of death 24/7.

But what’s stopping me from actually doing it is my own torment. It’s a poison but at the same time, an antidote.

Suddenly I heard P’sing groaning, “P’sing?” He looks as if he’s struggling to move. He lay stiffly on his bed.
“P’sing!! Phee!” I shook him hard. He suddenly opened his eyes.

I saw fear, panic, and horror reflected in his eyes. Then it change to empty ones within just a second.

“Are you okay?” I help him up as I handed him a glass of water.
“Go” his voice was hoarse, probably dry and yet he refuse to accept the glass of water.

He remains staring at me, but this time it wasn’t with empty eyes. I was so used with his empty stare, but not this one. I felt like his eyes were shaking, uncertain, almost about to burst with suppress emotions.

“Leave” he said, before looking away, his grip on the blanket tight and shaking.

I returned the glass to the bedside table, and came back to his side. I stood there looking at his back.

“Just leave” His voice is firm and emotionless. If only I could see his eyes, will I see emotions again?

“What are you afraid of?” I bravely ask him, I got no response. I seated myself on the bed, beside him. His back remain facing to me. I dare to touch his hand and grip it tightly.

“I’m here”. He did not resist instead he grip my hand tighter than my hold.

I was relieved that I listened, to the words he did not say.

TBC

This is before and after the incident happened. This is more like a filler chapter but still relevant to the story. I like it enough to share with y’all. Thank you for reading.