Thawing Prachaya's Frozen Heart

CHAPTER EIGHT

Krist

After P’sing has finally calmed down, I laid him on his bed and he immediately fallen asleep. The rain did not stop, and there are more lightning and thunder that follows.

P’davis has managed to fix the generator and the whole house is brightly lit once again. Mae preng is currently cleaning the shattered lampshade that P’sing accidentally broke in the midst of his attack.

“Krist” I tear my gaze from P’sing’s peaceful sleeping face to look towards mae preng now beside me.
“Please have your dinner, I’ll prepare it for you”

I give her a warm smile “Thank you mae preng”
She returns it with her own motherly smile and grasps my hand. “No, thank you” I got the hint that she was thanking me because of P’sing. I nodded and look back to P’sing.

“Our Singto has suffered a lot, I am glad that there is an addition to people who cares for him”

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I showered first before having my dinner, I once again check P’sing but he is still sound asleep.
I head back downstairs to ask for P’sing’s dinner, I think I should wake him up considering its 10 Pm already and he hasn’t had his dinner yet.

“be sure to taste it in front of him okay” I look back confused, before I could ask, mae preng speaks again
“Singto cannot eat any food, if anyone won’t taste it first in front of him”

“But, how about when we’re having breakfast together, I did not see anyone tasting his food for him”
“It’s not needed when it is not individually serve, for example a dish made for everyone that is not only for him”

“So he thinks that if it has poison other people would be harm first before him?”
“That is a cold way to put it into, but I think he does not mean it that way. He gets suspicious of everything and everyone, but I’m sure our Singto is fighting that urge, it’s just that on most days it becomes unbearable”

“How long is P’sing suffering like this?”
She sighs as if remembering a very painful memory. “He was fine at first, but every year he gradually showed signs that aren’t normal for kids his age. But now that he’s an adult I feel like it worsens.”
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I brought P’sing’s dinner to his room. Just when I put it on his bedside table he suddenly groans as if dreaming.
“P’sing? Wake up! Phi” I shake him hard to wake him. He suddenly got up grasping.

“Here drink this” I pass him a glass of water, he drinks it in one go. He looks outside, the rain hasn’t stop but there are no lightning and thunders anymore.

“The sudden black out was because of the storm, we are using your house’s generator. Ah I already asked por if he safely landed, he replied that they landed safely. Well, I could not tell your father about what happened I don’t want him to worry and--”

“Get out” I was startled by his sudden cold voice. Though it was his normal voice, I was not expecting him to talk to me like that after what happened.

“Ahh I’m sorry, I brought your dinner. Y-you should eat P’sing”
I did not get any response as he just stares blankly on the blanket. I slowly steps backward ready to leave.

My heart is heavy when I have to leave him in this state. For I know that he will lock his door once again. What if something happens again without us knowing?

“P’sing” I called him softy, “I do not understand your pain, but I can see them. I just want you to know that, even if you cannot trust me. You can ask for my help anytime”

Again, I am meet with silence. I slowly walk to the door. Before closing it, I said my goodnight.

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Sitting in one of my classes, I still remember what happened last night. This morning, P’sing did not came down for breakfast, his room stayed lock until I leave for school. Though it worries me more, I do not think I can do anything about it.

Suddenly, I felt a vibration in my pocket. No one calls me randomly so I quickly fish it out my pocket thinking it is an emergency. I saw P’davis calling. My heartbeat suddenly quickens.

“Krist ! Singto was rushed to the hospital this morning”

I feel like I could not breathe, after hearing the location I rushed out not caring for the shouting professor.
All happened in a blurry, I just found myself storming to the nurse station asking for a Ruangroj.

“Krist!!!!” I turned to P’davis running towards me, I meet him halfway.
“Where’s P’sing? Is he okay? What happened?”

“Calm down, he’s okay now. The nurses just transferred him to a private room. I’m sorry I choose not to call you. I waited for the result of the operation and for him to be stable.

I do not want you to worry too much. I’ve just called both you and P’bonrod when I confirmed his situation is okay”

I breathed a sigh of relief, all the adrenaline rush I felt slowly draining.
“It’s okay Phi, thank you. Can you tell me what happened?” P’davis grabs my hand and lead to me to sit down.

“He overdosed himself with sleeping pills, he must have done it at 4 or 5 am as estimated by the doctors. When mae preng wakes him we did not hear a response for too long, so I rushed in, and we saw him on the floor.”

I widen my eyes in shock, why would he do that, did he tried to commit suicide? I felt the stinging pain in my chest, he must be suffering too much to do that. Why would he not as for our help? Just why?

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I entered his room, I saw him already awake. He was looking blankly to the ceiling.
I felt the familiar pain on my chest seeing him, I felt helpless. I stood there unmoving.

“I did not try to kill myself” I stare back at him when he suddenly spoke.

“I just wanted it to stop” Although devoid of any emotion, his voice sounded so weak. I inch forward slowly sitting on the chair beside the bed.

“I dreamed of various things in one night. None of them was pleasant. In one night, I woke up many times grasping for air or just completely drain out”

“I want it to stop hunting me. I want it to stop coming. Why?..... why I need to suffer so much?..... I just want it to stop… when it will stop hurting?…”

He is crying while speaking, my chest hurts so much I could not bear seeing him like this. The next thing I know I’m hugging him so tight while I joined his sobbing.

He cried louder than me, for I know his pain was excruciating. Something I could not fathom the depth of and yet just seeing the surface hurts me so much.

He continued to tell me how he wanted it to stop and he continuously ask me why him. I wish I could share his sufferings, or simply take it away with this hug.

TBC

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