SNL 2020

Christmas Socks

Qing: Right. The mustard socks.

Me: (touching his earlobe) Yes, the mustard colored scarf.

Qing: (gently pulling my fingers off his earlobe) Thats what I said. The mustard colored scarf. Jesus H Christ you are scary.

Me: Good. Now for the next sock, it should be something hard.

Qing: (nodding) That's easy. I will gift you my hard dick. (frowning) But how will I put my dick in that sock, that's the problem.

Me: I'm think maybe a hard bound poetry book. I also have the website address for that.

Qing: (bitter) Right. No doubt you have that site's address ready as well.

Me: (ignoring his bitterness) Then for the next one, something red because Christmas is all about love and red is the color of love.

Qing: Blood. I knew it, you are bloodthirsty.

Me: Yes. Give me blood. Preferably your blood. Give me all your blood.

Qing: (grinning) Something red for the third sock, got it.

Me: Then the fourth one is something gooey. Wink wink.

Qing: (confuse) Why are you saying "wink wink" after asking for slime? Why do you want gooey slime?

(LOL Baba...)

Me: (sighing) Let me amend that. Gooey and sweet. It has to be gooey and sweet.

Qing: (more confuse) Now you want me to add sugar with slime? What?

I will kill this moron. I will.

Me: (scratching my cheek) (hands itching to do some violence) If I don't find fudgy brownies on the fourth sock on Christmas morning, you might as well consider us disengaged. Am I clear?

Qing: (nodding frantically) Right, fudgy brownies.

Me: (smiling sweetly) Now, for the last sock...I want something sweet...

Qing: (jumping in fast) But the fourth sock already asked for something sweet. What?

Me: Its because my Secret Santa is too stupid to understand what I want when I said something gooey!

Qing: (wincing) Why are you shouting at me? Are you allowed to shout at your Secret Santa?

(I don't think we are allowed to scare our Secret Santa)

Oh my head. Tell me, y'all are trolling me, right? You mostly agree with Qing because you like trolling me. Admit it.

(Calm down)

Me: (inhaling to calm down) The fifth sock is for something sweet. But I don't want it in the form of food. I want the sweetness to come from written words.

Qing: Shit! I knew it. You never let go of your obsession to receive a love letter from me.

Me: (smiling wickedly) When have I given up on anything I truly desired? Write me that love letter. Make it long and really sweet. Okay?

Qing: Fine. (fishing his phone out of his pocket) Let me write those stuffs so I won't forget.

I waited as Qing wrote on the note app on his phone. Afterwards, he showed the note he made. I nodded in satisfaction when I saw that he got everything right.

Qing: (smiling) And I also have to buy five socks to be filled by my Secret Santa.

Me: I will do my best to get you the gifts you want.