Breathless...

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Vote and comment!!

Also I just discovered so many of hozier's songs and he supports LGBTQ+ rights and his videos are beautiful!!

@CyllXRosso this is for you.

Baz's POV

I can't sleep tonight. My head aches as I hold Simon in my arms, but he feels so far away. And my mind is so loud. So, so loud. All I'm thinking about is Snow. Typical.

I miss him. Even though he's right here with me, I still feel lightyears away. Like I'm going to drift. . . And he won't be where I land. He won't stay. Even if he wants to. . . Anything could take him away from me. And that is the most terrifying thought I've ever had. An army of goblins might decapitate him; another dragon might come and roast Snow alive; The Mage might consult my parents and somehow they would all take Simon Snow away from me. We would probably survive every dark creature, because this is Snow and nothing can hurt him. . .

Then a worse thought arises, amidst his warm body and mine. Should I break up with him to avoid the future pain? To save him from experiencing the same pain I did for five years, longing for him? Should I do it to protect him?

My stomach wrenches and churns at the anxiety crippling through me. At the decision my mind is suddenly forcing me to make. Do I want to let go? No. Will I survive letting go? Maybe. . . Not this time. Not again after knowing his love. I barely made it the first time we broke up.

Is it better for Simon? My bullying mind questions, dares.

Not my choice to make. It's Simon's. I tell myself, easing some of the worry that nearly had me shaking.

Then I think of the Mage. And everyone who's been killed, abused, and hurt solely because of their sexual orientation. Because a certain he found a boy prettier, or she found a girl sexier. Because they fell in love, and acting upon their love was considered a sin. Even though being in love, love itself, is the purest of all things. Love is the purest, most humane, and helplessly natural emotion. And there are people out there who try and take that away. Take love away, and replace it with their burning hate. With murders and crimes. Against people who did not choose to be born that way, but simply were; and there I nothing wrong with them. But I was infuriated, because the Mage thought he could snatch Simon away, make Simon blind to his own feelings and thoughts, and make him turn against me.

I hate homophobia. More than anything else to ever exist. I fucking hate it. For all the lives lost, ruined, controlled. I hate, hate, hate that people can take love away and act like actual monsters simply because they're fucking ignorant or intolerant. Simply because they don't fucking understand! It's nobody's fault but yours, if you can't accept things the way they are and mature up. If you can't start facing your shitty fears of boys who fall in love with other boys and girls who'd rather spend their lives with other girls, its on you. We aren't the monsters. . . The homophobic ones are. The ones who sin over love.

I shrug off the grim thoughts, barricading my mind against them, and return my focus to the boy gently snoring in my arms. It takes a while for my rage to seep through me, traveling the room to leave through the open window. I sigh into Simon's curls.

The moon's pale light illuminates his warm, freckled skin. I trace every mole on his back, forming constellations. I pull him closer, cradling his body. And I can, since he sleeps in a tight knot, completely curled up. His chest slowly rises and falls, softly breathing in the chilly night's breeze. So fucking beautiful.

Memories come flooding. Memories of falling asleep separately. Alone. And spending every night staring out into the dark, using my enhanced vision--(and loathing the fact that I had enhanced vision; because it made me a vampire, a monster) to simply stare at Simon Snow. Wishing so melancholily to run my fingers through his thick, bronze curls. To touch him--to play intense melodies, imprinting sonnets of my love onto his body, rhythmically moving my hands, caressing his tawny, freckled bare skin the way I do the strings on my violin. It always feels as if I'm playing in an orchestra and suddenly every piece of music and life. . . flies into place. And I touch him like he were made of butterfly wings, with the utmost care. And quiet, out of reverence at his impeccable imperfections. As if his imperfections were indeed the only purity in the world. And they are. Our love is.

Then I see memories of the corners of his plump lips curving into a smile. Made of such beauty, he was practically daring me to desire him. I had never wanted anything more than to crash my mouth into his, since then. Since the very first time I saw him smile. To collide with the raging and tidal and uncontrollable heart of Simon Snow's. To implode with his magick. To melt into him, kissing his unbelievably soft lips. Gently at first, cautiously; then abandoning all fear, and kissing him so hard, he's left breathless. Oh, Simon Snow.

I finally have you.

And I don't want to let you out of my sight, even for a second. (Which sounds like something Simon should be saying considering that he shamelessly stalks me.) I really don't though, (want to leave you, that is). I want to hold you, never letting go. And I want to stare into your eyes. Your endlessly, stupidly, mind-numbingly blue eyes. Blue, blue, blue. It's all I ever want to see. I want to drown in it.

Simon's POV

I know he's watching me, I can feel it in my light sleep. I can also feel the aching flowing out of him. Out of his stormy grey eyes. I notice when I open mine for only half a second.

And it's in moments like these, that I want nothing more than to open up to him. To share his burden and pain, to be there for him, relieving at least some of his hurt.

I'd give him all that I am.

I'd give him all that I was.

I'd open up a vein.

I'd tie our hearts together, chamber by chamber.

Only to make him whole again. To make him better. To end his sleepless nights; erase the hollow sorrow in his eyes; ease his heart.

"Baz. . ." I whisper, and kiss his eyebrow gently. I let my forehead rest on his and catch his pained eyes with my sleepy ones. Slipping an arm around his waist, I pull him closer. He nuzzles into my shoulder, his long hair tickling my neck. Then he's whimpering, and I card my fingers through his soft hair and rub his cold back. He spends the rest of the night like that. Shaking in my arms, his hot tears flowing down my skin, his nails clawing at me hopelessly. He whines like a wounded animal. Hurt. And I let him; even as he starts thrashing and hitting. I hold him tighter then, too tight for him to move much. So he collapses. I warm him using my own hands and magick.

Finally, the morning sun shines outside, peeking through our window. He's finally quiet. He's still breathing heavily, but he's quiet.

Baz's POV

I can't quite believe it, I don't think I ever will.

Simon Snow loves me.

Love.

Maybe we do know what love is. And maybe it'll heal us both.

"What're you thinking about, Bazzy Boo?" Simon's sleepy voice whispers into my ear. A lazy smile makes its way onto my lips, his warmth engulfing me.

"You." I tell him. Looking at him through my swollen, teary eyes.

If soulmates were real and there was ever a moment of recognition, one very second where every puzzle piece suddenly fits, magickally forming an ultimate truth. . . This would be that very precious moment. Amidst all the wars, swimming in the depths of our collective disappointment in the universe, shining between promises of love. This is it. . . I think, wondering if destiny is true.

"You're the one," I tell him. "I choose you, Simon Snow"

"You." he says against my lips.