Note: Photo credits as watermarked.
******* WIN'S POV *******
My heart felt like it stopped beating after hearing that Team was in danger again.
I was honestly scared to death.
I felt guilty that I was not able to prevent it despite knowing the fact that he have some kind of phobia with the sea water.
I tried everything I can just to make Team be excused in playing with the water and I believe I successfully pulled it out without his knowledge. I even have to lie and make up stories to Dean just to convince him to let me do my plan. I am not sure if Dean believed whatever I said but I don't really care as long as I am sure that he will not tell anyone and most importantly, Team's safety is what I wanted to prioritize.
Who would have thought that all my efforts were wasted just because the others wanted to play around?!?
If I didn't take my eyes away from him, I am sure it could not have happened.
Just why the hell have I decided to walk away?!?
I promised to take care of him but just because I prioritized what I am feeling, I almost lost the chance to fulfill my promise. I will definitely blame myself if something bad happened to him.
I might not have been sure yet of what I am feeling and what I wanted to do with it but there is one thing I am most certain and that is I don't want to lose him.
I think I no longer can afford to lose him.
I want to be always with him.
I need him by my side to keep myself sane.
I was furious and literally wanted to hurt whoever it is that planned to throw Team in the water. I am even at the verge of losing control of my anger if not with Team's pleading I will definitely not be able to stop myself to hurt everyone. I was also more mad with the fact that I can't even let out my frustration since obviously Team doesn't want it to be a big deal.
I am left with no other choice than to try to cool down myself. I carried him at my back cause it seems like his legs are shaking too much. I know he is just trying to make it look like it didn't affect him that much but I can clearly tell that he was actually deeply affected especially with the way his body is shivering.
If it was just the two of us, I will definitely hold him in a tight hug and I'd even rub his back just to make him calm down but I know my limitations. I am sure that Team will feel more uncomfortable if I act on my own particularly in front of the others. He have straightforwardly told me before that he doesn't want the others to see his weak side and I have to respect that. I can only try to act cold and just heaved out sighs to ease my frustration.
I didn't want to leave his side but I guess Dean is right that I really need to cool down a little. Maybe he is right that I am making Team feel more uncomfortable by being cold to him.
I went to my room after Dean assured me that he will stay to watch over Team. I feel grateful that he is my bestfriend and that he is the one here right now cause he doesn't ask anything. I am afraid of what I might be able to confess if someone will suddenly bombard me with lots of questions. I am literally emotionally overwhelmed at the moment.
I took some time showering for me to calm down and organize my thoughts. I have to release my frustrations as I wouldn't want to make it more hard form Team and on top of all I would never like it if I will happen to scare him off. I have to be very careful or Team might suddenly kick me out of his life.
I hurriedly went back to Team's room feeling a little bit calmer.
"Where's Hia Win?" I heard Team asked Dean and I can guess that he might have something he wanted to tell him that he doesn't want me to hear so I didn't let them notice my presence.
"He just went to his room to get change. He'll be back soon." Dean straightly answered.
"I think you should go and talk to the others, P'Dean. Please continue the activities and tell everyone that I am okay. I don't want to ruin the fun." Team said trying to sound normal.
"Don't think like that, N'Team. It wasn't your fault." Dean responded.
"I know but it's also not their fault. Please don't scold them or be mad at them. Let them continue the fun, please?" Team pleaded which kind of makes me mad because he doesn't need to do it, he was the one wronged yet he still wants them to be spared.
"No! They deserve to be scolded." I can't help but butt in.
"But Hia they are just playing around. You know that they have no bad intention at all." Team tried to reason out.
"Win, I guess Team is correct. It may be a bad joke or a big mistake but for sure they are already regretting what they did right now." Dean added.
"Yes, Phi. I think they must be feeling scared right now too. Please don't be hard on them. This activity is a welcome party for us right so everyone was really looking forward to enjoying this whole trip. I don't want anyone of them to be negatively affected by an accident." Team continued to plead.
I felt pain in my heart thinking that he might have been used to just letting the others do him wrong without even apologizing to him.
"Please P'Dean... As the president of the club, you have to come back to them to continue the activities. Please do it for the majority..." Team continued to appeal to Dean.
"Tell me honestly, are you 100% sure you are feeling alright? Don't you ever lie to me." Dean asked and I am pretty sure Team won't answer it honestly.
"I-I am feeling okay... I- uh... just really got scared too..." He answered stuttering.
"Dean, I think Team is really okay. Let him rest for now." I decided to answer on behalf of him cause I can see that he feels too uncomfortable being cornered by Dean.
Dean finally agreed to do what Team have asked him to. He went back to the beach to continue the activities while I stayed behind to accompany Team.
As soon as Dean left us alone, we were left in a sudden awkward silence. Both Team and I seem to cannot find the right words to say nor wanted to be the first one to talk.
I let out sigh to somehow get a grip of myself.
I walked closer towards Team and sat down beside him on the bed.
He can't even spare a glance at me or even look up to let me see his face so I assume that he is trying his best not to show his emotions again. It hurts me more seeing him like this. He is obviously suffering yet he still prefers to act like he is okay just because he doesn't want to bother anyone.
"It's just the two of us again. You may stop pretending you are okay now." I said almost inaudible cause it felt like there's something stuck in my throat.
My heart aches so much that I feel like crying already.
Tears suddenly flowed down from his eyes. He tried to cover his face with both his hands and tried to stop crying. I hurriedly pulled him towards me and locked him up in a tight embrace.
I was afraid that he'll push me away but instead he nestled his face towards my neck. It seems like he is crying. I feel relieved that he let his guard down and just let out his emotions.
I kept on rubbing his back while my other hand was gently patting his head trying to encourage him to let it all out.
"I'm really sorry for what had happened, Team." I whispered in his ears.
"If I was just there, I could have prevented it to happen. It shouldn't have happened in the first place. I'm so sorry...." I tried to continue as calm as I can cause I don't want him to find out that I am crying too.
He suddenly pulled out from my hug and straightly looked at my face. I can tell from his eyes that he seem shocked to see me crying.
"Why are you crying, Hia? Please don't blame yourself. It was not your fault either." he said before he wiped the tears on my face.
"If I didn't leave you alone, this could not have happened... If I was there, I could have immediately prevented them to do it... I'm sorry...." I apologized again because I know I am at fault too.
I know it was just an accident but I could have prevented it if I didn't take my eyes away from him. I was the one who made him come here knowing that he is not in good condition and that he also have a phobia with sea water so I should really be responsible enough to watch over him.
I feel very much guilty...
And I was really just fucking scared...
Tears kept flowing down my eyes...
"Don't apologize, Hia. Please stop crying already..." he softly said while tears kept flowing down his face as well.
I pulled him again towards me and hugged him tight.
"I'm glad that you are safe." I whispered.
"I was so freaking scared earlier. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something bad happened to you." I decided to confess.
I loosen the hug and made him directly look at me again.
I reached out to his face and delicately caressed his cheek with my fingers.
I want him to know that he is precious to me but I don't think words can be enough to make him understand me. I stared at his face trying to see if he feel even a little uncomfortable with me and fortunately he is not showing any negative sign.
I slowly leaned in towards him and gently place a kiss on his forehead.
It feels like my heart is about to explode already. My heart is pounding too hard that I almost cannot hear any other sound other than the sound of my heart beat.
He looked up to meet my gaze and it seems like he is trying to read me through my eyes. I don't want to hide what I am feeling nor wanted to deny that I feel emotionally overwhelmed because of him so I just stared at him too.
It took him a while before he showed any reaction and I must admit that I suddenly felt scared that he might not like what he saw in my eyes. I was only able to breath when he reached out his hand towards my face and lightly caressed my cheek.
I closed my eyes feeling so relieved that I didn't scare him away. Unconsciously, tears started to flow down my face again.
My eyes are still closed when I suddenly felt something soft touched my lips.
I opened my eyes and were shock to see his face close to mine. I don't know if he is aware of what he is doing right now. I decided to just stay still and waited for his next action instead.
"Hia, please don't think that you are at fault. I know you were just worried about me but please stop making yourself feel guilty. Besides, I am okay now so you don't need to worry anymore." he said while directly looking at my eyes.
"Please don't cry because of me..." he softly said and something snapped within me.
I leaned in towards him and kiss his lips.
He didn't show any reaction and just continued staring back at me.
I don't know if his eyes are telling me that I can continue but I can no longer stop myself.
I cupped his face with both my hands and kissed him as gentle as I can.
I slowly nibbled on his bottom lips while still maintaining our eye contact until he closed his eyes and leaned towards me more.
I placed one of my hand at the back of his neck to hold him in place as I continued kissing him. One of his hand held on to my arm before he slowly kissed me back.
He was gently kissing me the same way I am kissing him and it felt so freaking sensual. It felt like my whole body was electrocuted. I pulled his body closer to mine and it seems like he felt surprised with my action as he suddenly stopped kissing me back.
I don't think I can stop anymore so I instead just took it as a chance to make our kiss go deeper. I kissed him more passionately and let my tongue explore his mouth. I kept on tasting his mouth until he kissed me back the same way I am doing to him and it felt so fucking good. I have never felt like this to anyone before.
I don't even kiss my partners before. Sure I let some of them kiss my mouth but I never kissed back. I never even felt like kissing anyone before that's why I never initiate a kiss but it's the opposite with Team.
I want to keep kissing him. I want to ravish his lips for as long as I can. I don't even think I can get enough of his lips.
We kept kissing passionately until we both felt like we needed to stop for us to breathe.
I opened my eyes and pressed our foreheads together. He still had his eyes closed and both of us are trying to catch our breathe.
I just realized that I failed to control myself again and all I can hope right now is for Team to not be mad at me for kissing him.
I waited until he opened his eyes and let him regain his consciousness cause he might have just kissed me back due to the spur of the moment.
He suddenly leaned his head towards my shoulder.
"Thank you, Hia." he whispered softly before he nestled his face towards my neck.
He then wrapped his arms around my waist.
I hugged him back.
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Partially updated: 11-11-2020
Date completed: 11-15-2020
Words: 2,470
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I've Never Been This Close
Fanfiction"I didn't realize that we are already in this situation... I don't even know how we started just to end up this way... Why don't you tell me what happened to us? Why don't you tell me what am I supposed to do now? Tell me what should I do after you...
