colors || seungjin

▹ 5 ◃

it had been around two weeks since seungmin's 'first day' at school. he got more comfortable with his surroundings but it didn't mean that his anxiety let him go.

he still felt constant fear and stress that caused his stomach to burn. he wished he could live his life the way he used to before the accident. he missed those little smart talks with his dad, warm evenings with his mom.

but he could do nothing, no matter how much he wanted. he felt like he acted selfish wanting to return to his previous life instead of being grateful that he survived. it all could had ended much faster if not his luck. but was it really a luck?

does being lucky mean living through the pain of losing people closest to your heart?

was carrying it on worth it?

maybe it'd be better to just make everything stop.

leave everything the way it is.

it'd be easier, right? he wouldn't have to suffer so much. he would be free.

"hey minnie!"

maybe not?

maybe there was a reason to keep going?

seungmin turned around to where the familiar heartwarming voice came from.

there definitely was a reason to keep going.

❀

"do you want to go somewhere after school?" hyunjin hesitantly asked seungmin. they were both sitting outside their school and eating their lunch. the older boy made sure that his friend was eating well.

"hm, where?" seungmin raised up his head and locked his stare onto one of many clouds hanging high up in the sky.

hyunjin's expression lighted up in surprisement. he didn't expect to receive this kind of answer, but that doesn't mean he wasn't happy about it.

he kind of expected a rejection to his offer, but it turned out to be quite different.

"oh um- maybe to our place?"

"sure"

'our place', seungmin hadn't hung out with hyunjin for such a long time he almost forgot about it. that's how they called their favourite go-to spot in the park. they played there as kids and that's where they met.

good memories started filling up seungmin's mind and kept him busy for a bunch of minutes. while the boy's head was in clouds, hyunjin looked at him. he could say that he was starting getting back his old seungmin-

no, he shouldn't say that. this had been the same boy the entire time. he didn't lose him.

seungmin, like a flower, just wasn't ready to bloom yet. hyunjin still took care of him, waited because he knew that one day seungmin would show his colors to the world once again.

and then the bell rang making both of them turn back to reality. while hyunjin laughed about their daydreaming, seungmin packed his things and waited for his friend to join him on the way to classroom.

the sudden coldness in seungmin's actions often caught hyunjin off guard. but it was nothing. under the blanket of numbness was hiding a scared boy who just needed someone to bring the light in.

❀

the sweetest smell of freshly bloomed flowers relaxed seungmin as he and hyunjin walked to the place they set earlier.

hyunjin sped up and rushed under the tree with which they shared so much memories. they knew ways how to climb up on every branch, slowly getting to the top. the view from the highest parts and the adrenaline got stuck in their minds forever.

they both sat under the old cherry as the petals from it's fully bloomed flowers started falling down. seungmin's eyes followed their invisible tracks but still saw vividly the rest of the park in the background.

people passing by, everyone gave off a different feeling. there were people laughing, sobbing, from time to time he saw a couple in love. oh don't we forget about the old grandmas who came here to feed the birds.

and then there was seungmin. he asked himself, 'what do people see when they look at me? what do they think?'

the answer was: nothing.

seungmin was like a grey spot in the corner of a colorful painting. he couldn't even see the colors on it. like someone had put a black and white filter on his eyes. he didn't see joy where others saw it, he didn't feel sad when someone was crying.

an empty space in his heart, that's what he felt. but was his conclusion really that far from how things really looked like?

no.

and the worst part of it was that he had no idea what to do to change it.

"jinnie?"

"yeah?" hyunjin looked at the boy next to him who was curled up and hugging himself. it gave him a sign that something was bothering him.

"i don't want to live like this anymore" seungmin curled up even more causing hyunjin to worry.

"but what happened? what do you mean?"

"i can't bring myself to laugh, i can only fake smiles, i cry but i don't feel sad. all i do is lie to everyone and myself. i want to stop this but i don't know how" seungmin's stare was weirdly empty, his eyes lost it's shine which they always had.

"give yourself time minnie, you will soon be able to laugh with me, just don't rush yourself-" hyunjin tried his best to help although he had no idea how seungmin felt. but he knew that it must had hurt a lot.

"hyunjin, i gave myself time. i gave myself a lot of it. but nothing seems to change. all i do is hurt everyone around me with how cold i act when i don't mean it at all"

"seungie everything will be alright"

"how'd you know that? hyunjin it feels like nothing will be alright anymore. like everything lost it's color, it's all black and white. no, it's all grey. and i- i sometimes feel like you're holding yourself back from telling me something or acting in some kind of way because you are afraid of how i'd react. is that true?"

seungmin's throat was clenched. he felt like he was about to cry yet his eyes were dry. hyunjin felt bad. he knew that what his friend said was true. was it that visible? he wished it wasn't but he couldn't keep lying to himself.

"i just don't want to mess up. it's not like i don't want to help!! i really want to, but at the same time i don't want to cause anything worse"

"you really want to help me? to allocate your time on that?"

"i do. you're my dearest friend seungmin, i don't have anyone else like you"

"then don't hold back. i kind of miss your quite crazy personality which always amazed me in some kind of way" seungmin looked in his eyes waiting for any reaction from the boy.

"you're telling me not to hold back..?"

"yes"

hyunjin's eyes shimmered with a glimpse of confidence. he smiled and stood up. as his stare started running after clouds, his hands stretching as if he wanted to reach the sky, he said.

"seungminnie, i'm going to make you see all colors of the world! you will laugh with me and enjoy life like there was no tomorrow!"

he looked at seungmin who was quite astonished. he kneeled next to him and grabbed his tiny hands as he stated.

"you will see colors with your heart"

❀

hey everyone!

how do u like his book so far? I'd be really glad to hear your opinions on it.

i have to say that i'm working hard on it and trying using the best words and stuff.

so i'd be really thankful for any kind of comment uwu

also wow it has 100 views after a week.

thank you! i wish you a good day💖