colors || seungjin

▹ 19 ◃

hyunjin was laying on his bed. his mind was repeating the conversation from few hours ago.

the same words all the time.

"i don't want your help. my heart aches. i need time and space.." hyunjin mumbled those under his nose.

he sniffed and rolled on his back, holding his phone from which music played.

nostalgic notes and heartbreaking verses echoed through his room. they filled his heart just to leave it more empty than before.

he was helpless. he didn't understand why seungmin did what he did. why couldn't he just tell it to him directly? that he just needs some time to be left alone.

but instead, he received sharp words. he couldn't even justify seungmin's statements. was it emotions which guided him and tangled the words? was it something else?

all he could do was do what seungmin asked him for.

stay away from him.

❀

"seungmin? are you sure everything is alright?" seungmin's aunt was calling him from behind the closed door to his room.

"yes" he said, trying his best to convince her. laying on his bed, he was listening and searching the sound of footsteps. when they reached his ears and started fading away, his somehow relaxed.

he let out all of the air he didn't know he was keeping inside.

he stood up and sighed, coming back to his usual routine. he took the books out of his backpack and picked the ones he didn't need, to put them back on the shelf.

when he was putting them in, his eyes caught something between the books in the shelf. he took it out and it turned out to be an envelope.

seungmin felt like he was seeing it for the first time, yet it somehow ended up on his shelf, so he must've had it in his hands one time before. probably really long ago.

curiosity taking the advantage, he opened it and then his heart ached. inside the envelope was a letter. a letter from seungmin to hyunjin, with a photo of both of them.

he felt attached to it, but his memory wasn't at it's best; with a little bit of hesitation he started reading it.

"hi hyunjin! i'm writing a letter to you because mom told me it's a good way to let out your feelings.

you know, like letting the paper soak with everything you've been keeping inside, then let it dry leaving out the most suitable words.."

seungmin started reading what he wrote down one day. he felt his lips tremble, as while reading the letter, memories of his hand letting the words sink into the paper.

he blinked a few times, clearing his glassy eyes, then continued to read.

"so, hwang hyunjin, do you know how weird can you make me feel sometimes?

one second i'm crying from laughter, then the second one i can't help but to feel morose that you will never understand what i mean.

if i ever have courage to tell you about it, or give you this letter.

but writing it, i feel like it's more like writing a letter to myself. one day i'll read it again, then another day.

i'll remember about all the butterflies you once caused.

do you think that they'll last forever?"

then they started dropping.

full of sorrow and salt.

but what could seungmin do?

he sat there letting his tears drip drop on the paper, wetting it, causing the ink to smear.

the words losing their shape, falling apart. but those were just words. if seungmin didn't find the letter, he wouldn't be crying right now.

but he did.

"why does everything remind me of you, when i just want to forget for a while?" he whispered to himself.

he sniffed and decided that he didn't want to finish reading it. he put the letter in the envelope and put it between the books, exactly where he found it.

he sat by his desk, trying to take care of his homework. but everything he could think about, came to hyunjin and how hard today's night will be.

everytime something cut seungmin's heart, the dream world tried it's best to stab it.