colors || seungjin

▹ 18 ◃

the same afternoon hyunjin and seungmin went on a walk.

both of them kept silent, not daring to start any topic.

why? the tension between them was high enough. there was no point in starting any conversation if any words couldn't even make it through their tightened throats.

the tension that didn't come out of nowhere.

hyunjin saw that seungmin wasn't in the best mood and if you add his concerns to it, that's the reason why he kept silent.

seungmin seeing that hyunjin wasn't fond of talking, didn't say anything as well.

their legs led them to the park which held so many of their memories. none of them asked why did they end up there or said no.

so they walked. fresh wind playing with their hair. the same wind that they used to run after, feeling free like the honey brown leaves in fall which flew along with it.

but now they felt heavy.

seungmin sighed, causing hyunjin's eyes to slightly drift in his direction.

"hyunjin i've been thinking about some things lately.." he started, hesitating a bit.

hyunjin closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, knowing that this won't be one of their small talks about nothing. he could feel that seungmin was serious.

"..yeah?" hyunjin nodded, letting seungmin continue.

"i'm truly sorry to say that, but the promise you made me- you're not able to fulfill it"

hyunjin frowned and stopped walking "what? what do you mean?"

"don't you see that? it's just nonsense. i am an idiot who won't change no matter what happens. you are just getting hurt because of me. we both are" seungmin looked right into hyunjin's wide eyes. the older boy was shocked to hear those things.

"n-no! i'm okay! i promised to help you-"

"i don't want your help"

and suddenly the fresh spring breeze started feeling cold, like it could cut your skin. just like seungmin's words hurt hyunjin's defendless heart.

his lips started trembling "d-did i do something wrong? a while ago everything was okay.. what happened?"

"you did nothing wrong. i just think that it's pointless if nothing seems to work" seungmin's expression didn't change even the slightest bit. the cold expression which seemed to be gone, came back after such long time.

"but really, not long ago you seemed fine-"

"i may have seemed like that but was i really"

"then were you lying to me?"

seungmin started panicking.

he couldn't say the real reason behind his actions.

he wasn't ready to confess yet.

that his feelings, seemed to get out of the timeline. that he used to like him. and that he still maybe did.

seungmin came to the conclusion that this whole time his heart belonged to the same person, but he was too scared to admit it.

loving someone while you're not able to be compassionate, it's hard. seungmin still hadn't fully recovered yet he wanted to put on himself the burden of loving another person.

that person who happened to be seungmin's best friend.

someone who, in seungmin's mind, will never feel the same about him.

he knew that he wouldn't give hyunjin what he wanted.

and so knowing that, his words which he threw at hyunjin seemed irrational.

but seungmin needed time, space.

"hyunjin i- it's not that easy- you don't know how hard it is to understand yourself" seungmin's voice started to crack. he started realising that he'd been pushing away his friend for some time. now he was doing it too. but more harshly.

"i may not know, but does it mean that i can't even be by your side?" hyunjin was trying his best to keep calm but he could feel his eyes water.

"why do you keep trying? am i really worth your time? is your time worth giving it to me?"

"then do you want me to let go? let go of you?" hyunjin's voice started to show how weak he felt "i'm not holding you, you know. do what you want. i've never meant to take your time, but i'd give you all of mine"

"i- ... stop hyunjin!-" seungmin's eyes started dropping tears.

"stop what? i did nothing wrong!"

"stop sounding so lovely and kind to me! it doesn't make any sense. why would you give me your all when you get nothing back?!"

"do you want me to be mean to you?"

"just stop giving me damn reasons to stick to you when all i need is time and space!"

"you wanted space?! couldn't you just say it to me instead of causing all this circus??!"

"i- so you think of me confessing my hardships to you as a circus?!"

"if something bothers you, just tell me about it, i'll try to help. just like always"

"so maybe you know answers to heart problems?" seungmin said. his cheeks and tip of the nose red, eyes all glassy.

"what do you mean heart problems..?" hyunjin got confused.

"see? my heart aches but you can't help me no matter how hard you try. so just let me be" seungmin said and walked away. tears started escaping his eyes.

hyunjin stood there dumbfounded. so many things happened in last few minutes. so many emotions were let out. and then all tension escaped his body in the shape of little salty drops of tears.

he had just realized how important part of his life seungmin was.

and that the thread that connected them was very thin and close to breaking.

'what does make your heart ache seungmin?'

❀

hi everyone!!

I'm so sorry for not updating ahjsjxjs

I didn't have any time to work on my books and as this chapter is kinda important, I wanted to work on it so it'd meet my expectations

also, did you like it?

I'd be glad to receive some feedback from y'all dkdjdj

so yeah!! that's all from me

have a nice day everyone and thank you for reading this book :3💕💕

edit: ALSO I FORGOT SJSNBSSB THANK YOU FOR 700 VIEWS

so much of u came here lately I'm so happy 🥺🥺