Something New

Author's Drama

Hi! You know the driiiiillll~~~~

You can skip this if you don't want to read my chikka.

Let me share to you my adventures in writing Aurora's story.

Back then, a reader asked kung may balak ba akong gawan ng story ang third gen, I said no, because I want to write a different story na walang kinalaman sa mga King or Smith.

But look where we are now? Jokes on me! Ha-ha!

Sabi ko din I am going on a hiatus because as some of you may know, fresh grad ako and I am planning to take the board exam but then everything was a mess and it was postponed. I badly wanted to focus on my review that's why I announced that and even made a letter for my readers because I don't want them to be confuse on why I'm suddenly inactive.

But then, noong binitawan ko ang Wattpad bigla, I was suddenly lost. Aside from I can't focus with the online review (since I learn everyday that it is not effective for someone like me who gets energy from my surroundings when it comes to class related stuff). Yung anxiety ko tumataas din.

I was always thinking at night, couldn't sleep, crying, because I don't know if the world will fall back to its right places again and if I can actually still have a career to pursue and to love.

Suddenly even writing can't help me anymore kasi totoo pala yung sinasabi ng iba, na mas masarap pumasok sa school kasi ibinibigay na lang sayo yung baon mo at papasok ka na lang sa eskwela.

Kapag tapos mo sa college, may mga oras na mawawala ka pala talaga, kung ano ng gagawin mo, kung kaya mo na ba talaga yung reyalidad na naghihintay sayo. Tapos dumagdag pa'tong pandemic eh napaka-overthinker ko.

I was coping up through music and reading epistolary novels, pero yung creative juices ko to write, wala. Nganga. When Taylor Swift's Lover album was released, the song Paper Rings really caught my attention. As in on repeat yon sa playlist ko, so I had this idea of using it as an inspiration for my next story. 

(That explains the wood ring George gave as their promise ring, it was supposed to be a paper ring, coated in resin so it can actually last but then I changed it later as I write because it wouldn't fit George's talent and skills. Plus the brother George have according na din sa song and I just made a story about Em-em and him.)

Hindi si Aurora ang nasa isip ko noon, but suddenly I thought, why not  Aurora? Stephen's first born. She fits the shoe, because she's an adventurous kid and always alive and ready for everything when I wrote her back then.

And to calm my mind down with all the overthinking stuff about my career and goals delayed because of well, shit happens. Habang nagrereview, sinusulat ko yung draft nito. Just to try if I can still write kasi insecure na insecure din ako ng mga panahong to (around June and even until now hehe.)

Binalikan ko yung notebook ko where I wrote the rough plot of this story. I have this thinking everytime I have a story in mind, na kapag nakalagpas ako ng 10 chapters, IT'S A SIGN TO PUBLISH IT.

But then I didn't. I was still thinking (because I'm an overthinker biatch) if I can finish this, if I can pull this off. Kasi first, I announced that I will be in hiatus, may magbabasa ba? Second, dapat ko ba talagang gawin to eh nagrereview ako? Hindi dapat dito yung focus ko, hindi dapat ito ang ginagawa ko.

And here we are right? I say que sera sera it is. (But I hope you won't use this kind of thinking, I'm sorry, I'm not a good example)

Sabi ko after FFY, mananakit na ako ng readers(hahaha), hindi na all sunshine and rainbows. Pero hindi ko kayang manakit as I write this kasi this is my own escape eh, as in this very story, not just writing itself but Aurora's story in general.

I don't want to get hurt even while I am writing kasi eto yung safe zone ko (and I admit I need to go out of that zone anytime soon because I need to improve still).

I was depressed, I know its not applicable for everyone, but for me to escape that even just a little bit, just for me to look forward for something everyday, I wrote this.

Kaya I appreciate all of the comments I get everyday from my stories. Ibinabalik ako sa old self ko, iyong excited pa rin sa mga bagay-bagay kapag nababasa ko kung anong tingin ng mga readers ko, or na kapag nakakakuha ako ng votes at appreciation message bigla.

I'm sorry if some of you experience headache while reading this because of how conyo Aurora is, or of how I wrote her POV in mix language. Because that's her, (and blame the videos I encounter on Tiktok about girls speaking in conyo. Geez hahaha). Pero the same time I am having troubles writing her POV, jusko, kung makikita nyo goodle search ko.

Tagalog for deserve

Need in Tagalog

Meaning of  impassive and passive

streaming meaning

Yung mga simple Tagalog words, sinesearch ko pa tapos tignan nyo, habang sinusulat ko to para na din akong conyo. 

Opposite si Aurora at George sa pananalita, kaya sumasakit din ang ulo ko sa biglang pagpapalit ng language. Iyon lang yata ang dilemma ko dito sa story na'to. Pati kung may ma-encounter kayong wrong spelling, or wrong grammar, it's because lutang ako as I type.

Dire-diretsyo lang ang mga daliri ko, raw kung raw yung chapters. I read some, and some chapters, I just publish it as long as I know it's in the path of what I want it to take.

Aurora is somehow like me, the overthinker part. George is ALSO me, the insecure part. Iyong mga encouraging words na sinasabi nila sa isa't-isa whenever they're down or sad, those were the words I somehow wished someone would tell me when I am in a gloomy state.

Someone who can understand.

All I wanted to say is, this story will be another reminder for me. Kasi ito yung story ko na magreremind sa akin of how this version of myself wrote this, the version of myself that is so lost, confuse, scared, hoping? 

I wanted to tell you readers to take care of your mental health too, we need to fight okay?

Just hold on. 

Someday I'm going to look back and read this story again, and I hope that by that time. I am already a better version of myself in both my writing and professional career.

See you when I see you dear readers~ Special chapters are soon to be published.

Thank you for joining me in this journey. Adios labanos~