Greenie

Chapter 18: I'm Still Here

"I'm sorry." You whispered, your voice thin. "I'm so sorry, I can't stop."

Your breathing was fast and irregular in your pannic. You were sure he would be angry. You were fine, there was no reason you should be freaking out, but you couldn't stop. You just couldn't.

You braced for him to yell or scold you or try to shake you out of it, but he didn't.

Instead he grabed ahold of your arms gentally.

"Y/N? Y/N."

You tenced up as you felt a tear slip down your cheek.

"I'm so sorry."

"Y/N look at me. Look at my eyes."

You bit your bottom lip and looked up at his face. He didn't look angry. Worried and scared, concerned maby but not angry.

"Y/N listen to me. You have nothing to be sorry for. If anyone here should be sorry, it's me.

You were attacked and you got hurt and I am so, so sorry. I should have been there to help you but I promise, you're safe now. No one's gonna hurt you. I won't let them ok? I'm gonna keep you safe."

You looked into his eyes, he seemed so earnest, so sincere.

He looked down, avoiding your gaze.

"Can you ever forgive me love?"

You reached out, wrapping him in your arms to the best of your ability. Your body still wasn't doing great at listening to you but he seemed to understand and sudenly you were surrounded by his warm embrace.

He held you gently. Like you were fragile. Like if he squezed too tightly, you might break. You melted into that feeling of genital protection, listening to his heart beat. It was southing and rythmic. And it's steady sound was enough to calm you.

Slowly, you regained control of your breathing and the tears stoped. You held onto him tightly, with all the stregnth you had in your arms.

I'm safe. I'm safe. No one's going to hurt me. He won't let them.

"Of course I can forgive you. Thank you Newt."

This came out so quietly, and your voice was still so thin, you were almost worried he couldn't hear you. But then his hold on you tightened and you felt his whole body begin to shake.

He was crying.

You felt him burry his face in your shoulder, his tears soaking into your shirt.

"I thought I was gonna loose you. I thought... When Minho broubt you back, and we weren't sure if you were still breathing, I thought for sure..."

His voice caught on another sob, cutting him off.

You rubbed your thumb back and forth on his back, listening.

"I've never been so scared in my life."

"Hey," you whispered, "it's alright. Every little thing, remember? I'm safe now. I'm still here. Its gonna be allright."

He lifted his head from your shoulder, his tear soaked eyes meeting yours. He bit his lip, another tear sliping down his face. Your hand reached out automaticly to brush it away and rested on his face, cupping his cheek.

His lifted his hand and set it on top of yours. Looking into your eyes.

You leaned forward automaticly, untill your forhead was resting against his.

He held tighter to your hand for a moment, closing his eyes and soaking in the moment. The tears were still going steadily but he wasn't shaking or sobbing anymore.

You looked at Newt. Sweet, caring sincere Newt. The boy who had refused to leave your bed side. The boy who held you when you had been overwhelmed with the Glade. Who had assured you that everything would be allright. The boy who was now crying because he thought he had somehow failed you. The boy who had promissed to protect you.

And sudenly you were kissing him.

It wasn't long. It seemed to have caught you both off guard and you broak apart quickly.

For a moment you were both stunned into silence. While you internally panicked.

What did you just do? How the heck did that happen? What on earth were you thinking? Crap, crap, CRAP! What the heck was that!?!

Your spiraling, panniced thoughts were interupted by Newt slipping his hand behind your head and bringing your lips back to his.

This was nothing like what Galley had done in the dead-heads. Newt was gental and sweet. His kiss was tentitive just like his embrace. Like he didn't want to risk ruining this moment. Like he couldn't risk hurting you.

He pulled away sooner than you would have liked. A small smile playing at his lips as he whispered, "Breathe."

You let out a breath you hadn't realized you were holding. It came out as a giddy little laugh.

You were grinning like an idiot and when you looked at Newt you saw that he was smiling back at you.

You leaned back into him. Allowing yourself a moment to simply be held.

"Thank you Newt."

He laughed "What, for kissing you? Any time love."

You laughed too, "No, what I meant was, thank you for not giving up on me."

He shook his head and pressed a kiss to your hairline.

"Never"