Gracie & Gray

Chapter 15

G R A C I E

The venomous remark slipped out before I could recall it.

I hadn't meant to be such a bitch, but my walls were clearly still up against Gray.

His expression turned bleak.

"I'm sorry, Gracie. I'm so fucking sorry about Lydia. You have no idea. I wish I hadn't been such a dumbass. I wish I could erase everything from that night. But I can't. Going forward, all I can do is try to make things right. I-I don't know what else to say at this point."

My head was beginning to hurt. "Can we please talk about something else?"

He immediately obliged, "Of course. What do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know. I don't care. Anything that doesn't have to do with you or my sister."

Gray paused. "Can we talk about... you?"

My eyebrows lifted. "What?"

"Are you... happy?" he asked intently.

I rolled my eyes. Such a dumb question.

"Sure, I'm happy as a clam!"

He shook his head. "That's not what I meant."

"What did you mean, then?" I challenged.

After a moment of contemplation, Gray explained, "Like... what matters to you most right now? Have you found a way to manifest that shit?"

Against my will, my heart began to ache.

None of my dreams had come true. I didn't get to marry the love of my life. I didn't get to marry Craig, either. I was almost thirty, childless, and stuck at a job that I would probably quit tomorrow if I didn't have bills to pay...

And Lydia was pregnant with Gray's baby.

In sobering tones, I sighed, "Nobody gets everything they want in life, Gray."

"Do you still wish for the same things that you wanted... before we broke up?"

I stared back at him curiously. "Like... in high school?"

"Yeah."

I laughed awkwardly. "A lot has changed since then—wouldn't you say?"

Gray smiled, but he didn't laugh. Anguish shone from his eyes. "For me, the most important things never changed."

His attention was now completely focused on me. It made me extremely flustered. Gray always had this way of making me feel like the center of his world.

My resolve crumbled a little.

Hesitantly, haltingly, I said, "I guess... I still dream about what I wanted in high school. To find love. To have a family. But I don't know if those two things are in the cards for me anymore."

His voice grew quiet. "Is it because you can't have kids?"

My heart thudded painfully.

So, Gray knew.

Lydia must have told him about my sad little secret.

Deep, raw emotions stirred within me. They threatened to spill out. I held them at bay the best I could.

"You know what?" I muttered. "I don't really want to talk about this with you."

Gray's expression fell. "Sorry. I didn't mean to—"

"Can we get the check?"

"Yeah, sure."

Gray flagged down our waitress. I reached for my credit card.

"Put that away, Gracie. I got this," Gray insisted. He pulled out his card.

"Why? It's not like we're on a date."

Gray's mouth flattened into a grim line. "Please, Gracie. I want to do this."

I stood my ground. "No."

In the end, with some reluctance, Gray agreed to split the bill with me. He offered to walk me to my car. I politely declined. As we parted ways, Gray promised again that he would get in touch with Lydia. I think he wanted to say something more, but I walked away before he had the chance to get the words out.

I didn't know why I kept pushing him away.

Gray used to be my most trusted confidant. I used to be his best friend. We loved each other to a fault at one point in our lives.

It would be in the baby's best interest if we could all get along.

Why did I keep turning away from him?

Was I doing it out of spite? To further the divide between us? And maybe shove him towards Lydia so I could continue holding onto my resentment against them?

Maybe? Probably.

A woman's heart could be pretty fucked up at times.

I only had a few short months to work through all my anger, my bitterness, my heartbreak, because the baby was coming whether or not we were ready.

I needed to set aside my complicated feelings for Gray and focus instead on being a sister to Lydia, a friend to Gray, and an aunt to their baby.

This was what it meant to be an adult, right?

To do what was right even when it hurt like hell.