Gracie & Gray

Chapter 3

G R A C I E

Lydia's jarring question continued to burn a hole in my brain for days.

Why don't you take the baby after it's born?

Why don't you take the baby after it's born?

Why don't you take the baby after it's born?

In the heat of the moment, I had been too angry to give my sister a proper answer. For the first time in a long, long time, my emotions got the better of me.

I didn't hold back with Lydia at all.

Like an angry alley cat, I swiped at her as furiously as she swiped back at me.

***

"Jesus Christ, Lydia! I can't believe you have the balls to ask something like that from me after what you did with Gray! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I know, I know! I'm sorry, okay? But you and Gray haven't been in contact for, like, over a decade, right? I thought he stopped talking to you after high school."

"Fuck you, Lydia."

"I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, Gracie. I just meant that—"

"That Gray forgot about me, so, now that all this time has passed, I should give you my blessing to be his baby mama?"

"Oh, my God! Gracie Anne Katz! Why are you being such a bitch right now? It's, like, you're dead set on making me look like the bad guy here! I told you a million times already! Gray and I ran into each other by accident. I didn't even recognize him in the bar at first. I had been feeling bummed about my break up with Andreas, and Gray kept acting like he was really into me... and he was so fucking hot. Like, way hotter than he was in high school—if you can believe it. I just—it was a moment of weakness, okay? Like I told you, I was shitfaced that night, and so was Gray..."

"I hope you're aware that everything coming out of your mouth is making me feel like complete and utter crap."

"I said I was sorry."

"Sometimes 'sorry' isn't good enough, Lydia!"

"You can't stay mad at me forever, Gracie! Think about the baby. I need you right now. I need my sister."

"I still don't understand why you decided to keep it, Lydia. Why did you walk out of the clinic yesterday?"

"Because... I got scared."

"Scared of what?"

"That I won't be able to have kids in the future."

There was a long, excruciating pause.

"Like me?"

"Yeah."

"We're not identical, Lydia. Our bodies are different. My condition is mine alone. I'm not telling you what to do with your baby, but the possibility of infertility shouldn't be a deciding factor in whether or not you go through with this pregnancy."

"But I don't want to risk it. Studies show that a woman's risk for POI is higher when she has a family member diagnosed with the condition."

"Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you."

"Okay, okay! I'm sorry, Gracie! Again, I'm not trying to be a bitch!"

"Well, try harder!"

"All I'm saying is that—I'm pregnant now. What if this is my only chance to be a mom? I know you think I'm being selfish, but, believe it or not, I'm actually thinking about you, too. You're the one who always wanted to settle down, get married, and have kids, right? We could parent this baby together, Gracie. You and me."

"Goddamnit, Lydia... that's not at all what I meant when I said I wanted to start a family!"

"I mean, I'm not going to sugarcoat this shit. You're definitely going to have to be more hands on for the first few years. I still have to finish up my residency, and I want to apply for a Fellowship as well. But, once my career takes off in four or five years, I promise, I'm going to try to be the best mom I can be and make the baby my number one priority."

"That sounds fucked up. You can't decide when it's convenient for you to be a mom!"

"I know, I know. But... I want it all, Gracie. Family and career. It's not fair that women always have to choose!"

"Why are you talking as though I already agreed to your crazy idea?"

"It's not a crazy idea."

"What about Gray? Is he planning to get involved in the baby's life? Does he even know that you're not getting the abortion anymore?"

"No, he doesn't know anything. I'm not planning on telling him, either. Gray made it very clear during our last discussion that he doesn't want to become a father. Ever."