Carved in the Heart

30

With time, I thought I could have forgotten about what happened in my relationship between Desmond and I.

I found myself comparing my new relationship to the previous one which only happens in my thought.

Even though the new one is better than the previous one, I couldn’t let go of Desmond. I still had him in my heart so anytime I’m home for vacation (I got admitted to a university so I’m staying at a hostel), I call him and we meet at the park.

I still had some love for him and I don’t know when I can get over it because it’s been 3 years since we broke up yet we still meet each other and he always asks me if there is a chance for him to have me as his once again but I give him the same answer that I’m going out.

It got to a point where I didn’t want to see him with another girl even though I am going out with someone else. I got jealous whenever I see him with another girl especially Jessica. Yes, they were still together which he keeps telling me that she is the one who loves him and that he doesn’t want her to feel bad.

I didn’t know why but I didn’t want him to be happy with another girl. I found myself calling to meet him every night and he also comes immediately I call him to come.

There were some times where I was with him when his girlfriends would call him but he would ignore their calls saying that they can wait.

Some of his girlfriend’s even broke up with him because he was supposed to meet with them but he ditched them to see me and when they called he didn’t answer.

I felt bad at times but I didn’t feel bad at the same time. I didn’t know why but I felt jealous that someone could have him while I got to suffer when I was with him.

I didn’t want to see him with another girl, but then a time came and I remembered that if I do that, I’ll only be hurting us more so I called one evening and I told about how I didn’t want him to be happy and how I can’t stand to see him with other girls.

He asked me why I’m telling him that now and I told him that I have to get it off my chest so that we can move on. He told me he has no problem with that and he wants to focus on his studies for now. He also apologized for cheating on me whilst we were together and also said that he has regretted it.

After that conversation, I felt better because I was relieved that I was not acting like a witch anymore. We didn’t meet like we used to anymore even though I was tempted to call him at times.

One day, our mates from junior high school organized a hangout. When I got there, I saw Desmond there as well as all the people who were supposed to be my friends but decided to have a taste of my man.

We went to a beach resort, but I couldn’t be comfortable because one guy kept worrying about getting back with Desmond which I’ve told him several times that it’s too late because the guy I’m with treats me better and I can’t just go back to Desmond. What shows that he wouldn’t repeat what he did again?

But the guy kept insisting that I should speak with Desmond privately and that he is not going to allow us leave that place without speaking to each other.

‘We aren’t quarrelling, we’re just trying to avoid each other which I don’t know why for me, but for him, he needs to be with all those girls he cheated on me with and I’m also present so I’m sure that why he can’t look at me today.’ I told him

‘Still just approach him, if you don’t I will. Even if you do, I will still be going to him after speaking with you. You guys had one beautiful relationship that I had hopes that you guys will be getting married someday.’ He told me.

‘Well, I also had the same thought but he destroyed everything. I guess maybe we were not meant for each other. I know I still have a bit of love for him but we can’t come back. Forget about us I’m going out with someone else.’

‘I’ll be back.’ He told me getting up and moving toward Desmond.

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Love,
Anything gold.