Carved in the Heart

18

Unedited

"Dear Gold,
I'm missing you already, I don't even know how to express how I feel in writing you this letter. How I wish I was there with you. I miss the times we spent together, especially the recent ones.
As I told you before you went to school, I've changed schools and I'm now attending Mars Senior High School as I told you I would. I am writing to inform you that I'm now on the same ridge as you so you would be hearing more from me.
Don't forget I love you and don't also forget me.
Your love,
Darling."

This is the letter I received from Desmond, two days after he had sent the letter to Priscilla. I didn't even know how to react, I didn't know if I should be happy or sad, maybe both.

But generally, I wasn't happy. I just couldn't be happy after reading the letter. I was in tears when I was reading it so I can I be happy?
Things have become so complicated with this relationship that I'm regretting ever being in a relationship in the first place.

There are times that I just wish that I could go back to Junior High School, back to the beginning and just start all over without Desmond Darling being in the picture. At least I'm guessing it would have been very smooth.

I just want to close my eyes and open it to realize that all of this is just some silly game, or Desmond would someday come to me and be like "Natalie, I was just testing you to see how you would behave to such situations." But No!

I open my eyes I see the reality before me, I go back into my mind and I see everything playing from when we started till now. I just don't know what happened in the first place for this to happen.

There are times that I feel like I should have accepted Darius' proposal when he asked me to be his girlfriend, but then I feel like it's too late.

Then again, I ask myself if I could've been able to go through school without the support Desmond gave me, especially when my mom passed away and things were very difficult for me.

I don't know whether to give up on this relationship or not, but what I know is that, I'm beginning to fall out of love with him because I'm hurting too much.

I thought what we had this recent holidays were anything to count on. I thought it means something to him, maybe he might be saying that in his letter but what if he is telling lies?

What if he says that just to gain my trust or maybe to make me think that he still loves me?

What I also don't understand is that every girl I found out that he is going out with I and I question him about it, he tells me the same story which is "I broke up with her last week or I broke up with her yesterday or I broke up with her last month"

Always the same old story, I've been waiting for a change and I'm always seeing some but in a negative way. When will this end? Do I have to also break up with him to end all these?

*******†********************†*******
Love,
Anything gold