Keeping The Ex-Gay

CHAPTER 15

CHAPTER 15

ZELLA'S POV

"Monamoo," tinawag ko siya na busy kakatusok ng pritong talong gamit ang hawak niyang tinidor. "Are you okay?" tanong ko.

It's just it feels so weird. When he got here, he just greeted me, prepared our lunch, and then, it's as if his body has been swallowed by an immense silence. As far as I remember, we're still good when we're talking over the phone earlier, what's actually the matter with him at this moment?

"Oo, okay lang ako." He smiled, but it ain't a smile that shows he's fine. "Kain na tayo?"

"Kanina pa ako kumakain, ikaw lang 'yong hindi," I sternly said. He tried to beam a smile at me again, but it still feels so wrong. "Will you be honest with me? I can see that you're not okay, Monamoo, and I'm worried," I further added.

He released a sigh. "Something's bothering my mind."

"Spill it."

"Let's say straight ako at may best friend na babae... tapos nakita mo kaming magka-holding hands, mag-iisip ka ba ng masama?" he asked with a smile.

To be frank, his question made me feel anxious. Pakiramdam ko alam ko na kung sino ang tinutukoy niya.

"Ahh..." I looked at somewhere else, "...s-syempre hindi. Best friends of the opposite sex have right as well to hold hands, even in public, hindi lang naman mag-best friends na babae at babae o katulad sa'tin na bakla at babae ang pwedeng mag-holding hands, 'di ba?"

My eyes were staring straight ahead. I don't want to meet his gaze. He knows me well, he might see that I'm feeling edgy by now. Mamaya ay magtaka pa siya at biglang magtanong, ganyan pa naman siya, at hindi siya titigil hangga't sa hindi ko sinasabi ang totoo.

"Exactly my point. Hindi ko sila dapat husgahan agad," mahinang usal niya.

Damn! I knew it! Ngayon na ba ang right time para sabihin ko sa kanya ang totoo?

Pero, natatakot pa rin ako! Gosh, oo na, ako na ang duwag!

"Amore?" natinag lang ako nang marinig ang boses niya. Hindi ko man lang namalayan na napatulala na lang ako bigla.

"Oh? M-May tanong ka pa ba? Ano 'yon? Sabihin mo lang." taranta kong sabi.

He chuckled. "Anong gagawin mo kung..." he paused.

He dipped his spoon into the Black and Blue Steak Salad and fed me. It was so hard for me to swallow the food he gave because I really am so feeling tense! Kinakabahan talaga ako sa itatanong niya.

"...malalaman mo na may ibang babae ang tatay mo?"

Sabi ko na nga ba! Mabuti na lang at napigilan ko ang sarili kong ibuga ang pagkaing nginunguya ko. Nilunok ko na lang iyon at dali-daling uminom ng tubig.

"M-Magagalit, malulungkot, at iiyak," I've uttered after a moment. "It's his responsibility to give his whole loyalty and love sa Mama ko, he promised that on their wedding day, kaya dapat 'yon ang gawin niya, but if he failed to do so, I'll get really, really mad, at hindi ko alam kung kailan mawawala ang galit na 'yon. Masakit kaya 'yon, parang hindi lang si Mama ang niloko niya, pati na rin kami."

Dang, why am I so emotional? Hindi naman iyan nangyari sa amin, eh. Tsaka, hindi ko pala dapat sinabi na hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ang galit ko sa Papa ko if ever he has an affair with another woman, baka ganyan din ang gawin ni Mona kapag nalaman niya na ang totoo. Damn!

"You're right. Sana... sana 'di 'yan mangyari sa atin, 'no? Nakakatakot at nakakalungkot, lalo na kung ang taas ng tingin mo sa Papa mo, pero mangloloko pala siya."