Yes I'm Gay But I'm Married To A Woman (Completed)

Chapter 49: Always

Symerra Scarlet Reyes- Cortez

He stared at me as if he's scared I'll disappear from his eyes. Kanina pa kami rito sa rooftop at nakatingin lang siya sa'kin ng may ngiti pero may mga mata na para bang hindi makapaniwalang nasa harapan niya na ako ulit. Na bumalik na ako.

I feel sorry having to leave him but it was the only way I thought would help me. Noong mga panahong iyon, hindi ko alam kung paano aayusin ang sarili ko. I guess I was too broken that it was too hard for me to fix myself, dagdag pa iyong sa tuwing nakikita ko sa mukha niyang nasasaktan siya. We were both pretending we're okay and it was hard. Too hard.

"You know you can speak now." Sambit ko ng may ngiting pinipigilan.

Maging sa pagmaneho kanina ay napakatahimik niya at panaka-naka pa ang sulyap sa'kin kapag may oportunidad.

It's been so long since we were together like this. The last time I was this close to him was when the night we spent crying when I told him I'll leave.

I know hearing me begging him to let me go was painful, I'll feel the same if he did the same but it was really the only way I could think of that we'll be able to fix ourselves.

Kahit isipin kong pwede namang kasama ko na lang siya pero ang hirap kasi kapag araw-araw kong maaalala kung gaano siya kasaya dati at kung gaano niya ako alagaan at ingatan noong mga panahong buntis ako, mas lalong sumasakit. Losing our babies was a big obstacle we will never forget. Until now, I'm still in pain because I lost them, because we lost them but at least right now, I can look at him without feeling guilty because of the thought that he's in pain because of me. Na ako ang may kasalanan kung bakit nawala ang masayang emosyon sa mukha niya at napalitan ng pagluluksa. I've learned to accept the loss but I'll forever be in pain because of it. I'll never forget that I once carried our supposed to be first borns.

"Arck?" I called onto him and squeezed his hand and he blinked like he woke up from a trance.

"Scarlet.." He stared into my eyes and I felt the chills and his intense emotion.

I saw how slowly his eyes glistened when he started tearing up. He pursed his lips and gradually pouted his lips when he seemed to become more emotional.

Hindi ko na rin napigilang maging emosyonal katulad niya.

"What is it baby?" I asked him, starting to wipe off the tears on his cheek.

Umiling siya sa'kin saka suminghot bago ako niyakap sa may bewang na sobrang higpit. Isiniksik niya ang mukha sa leeg ko at naramdaman ko ang pag-iyak niya doon kasabay ng hagulhol.

Now that I'm back, I'll make up for the time I was gone.

Niyakap ko siya pabalik habang hinahaplos ang buhok at leeg niya, crying with him.

Malala ang iyak niya at malakas ang hikbi niya. He's weeping loudly.

Tumingala ako habang hinahaplos ang buhok niya.

"I'm sorry I left." Humihikbi ko ring saad.

Umiling siya at tiningnan na ako. "It's okay.." Sinapo niya ang mukha ko habang umiiyak pa rin. "It's okay. Ang mahalaga, nandito ka na. Bumalik ka na. I missed you so much." He bent down and sealed my lips with his, still our tears running down.

"I love you." He whispered in between.

"I love you." I answered back, pushing him down on the couch and straddled him.

I know we have to talk but I just missed him. I was busy grieving that I resisted myself to go back to him even if I miss him so much. Kinailangan kong siguruhin na okay na ako bago bumalik sa kanya and it took me a long time before I was fine. And now that I am okay, I'm done resisting.