Annoyance (Spencer Reid x Reader)

Gone

He listened to your voicemail later that night. Actually, he listened to it four times before he called you back. Not like he needed to; he had memorized it on the first listen. The worry in your voice through the phone was clear, and it was heart-wrenching to think about how he had ignored you when you so obviously had his best interests at heart. He barely had a handle on himself and his destructive impulses, and he had attacked you when all you were doing was showing concern. What he had done to you was wrong on so many levels and he needed to apologize, though he wasn't near enough worthy of your forgiveness. You didn't answer your phone that night. He tried to call you the next day too, even texted you sorry and that he wanted to talk, but you were silent.

He was miserable. He told himself over and over how he deserved this, how he deserved to be hated because of the terrible things he was doing. Yet he couldn't stop, and now you were realizing how horribly toxic he was, how fucked up he had gotten over the past month. He was dreading the upcoming conversation where you told him you couldn't stand to be around him anymore, that you hated him. He already hated himself.

Were you going to leave? Or would you stay, and treat him as if he didn't exist? He was going to have to watch you grow, blossom without him because he was holding you back, watch you find happiness with somebody else because he wasn't enough for you. He selfishly wanted to hold on to you, but he knew that right now he was only doing damage, pushing his own unhappiness onto you and everyone else because he wasn't strong enough to contain it inside himself.

His train ride to work on Monday was hell. He was anxious, shifting his weight from foot to foot and picking at the skin on the side of his nails. What was he going to say to you? What were you going to say to him? Probably nothing, honestly. You compartmentalized your relationship with him well; you were friendly at work, but because he stepped over the line, you were probably just going to freeze him out until you were ready to talk.

You usually beat him to the office, but you weren't there this morning. Maybe you got stuck in traffic? Nope. Thirty minutes had passed, and you still hadn't arrived. Speaking of, where was Emily? It was strange for anyone on the team to be late, much less two people on the same day. What were the odds? He calculated the probability in his head quickly. He didn't like the numbers.

It had been an hour now, still nothing from the both of you. Spencer made his way to Hotch's office, knocking on the open door to announce himself. Hotch looked up from his desk, his brow already furrowed in what looked like concern. Spencer didn't need to say a word; Hotch already knew.

Spencer gathered the team while Hotch went straight to Garcia. They congregated in her tiny office while she checked phone signals. Neither you nor Emily had left your apartments for the weekend. Garcia had tracked phone activity too; from the looks of it, you had gone to the Metro Saturday afternoon before turning back and going home. Not that the team knew why. Spencer's heart sunk. You had made one last call at your place, but that was it. It had been a day and a half. Emily's phone hadn't been active since Friday, more than two days ago.

Both phones said that they were at your respective apartments, but the lack of activity was enough of a sign to know what had happened. Spencer went with Rossi to your place while Hotch, JJ, and Derek went to Emily's. They all knew Emily the best; they would know what to make of it. Whether the team acknowledged it or not (at this point they probably would), Spencer knew you better than everyone else. It was the most logical decision to make, him going to your place, and yet he was dreading every second that passed as Rossi drove closer and closer to the apartment, the same words repeating over and over again in his head.

It's your fault.

It was clear now that you had chased after him on Saturday. If he had just walked a little slower, if he had answered your call or turned back around, if he hadn't purposely started that fight in the first place...