La Maison 4: Blue (Complete: BDSM manxboy)

Chapter 23: Before

A/N: TW for a panic attack

"What? What happened?" Dae rushed over, panicking on behalf of Tim, who was stock still, his phone having dropped to the floor with a clatter.

"It's..."

Tim wasn't sure how to respond, or rather, what to respond with. Dae didn't know much of his background, though Tim was fairly sure he'd guessed a bit. After Tim's public meltdown, which somehow hadn't even been that embarrassing afterwards, because the others hadn't let it be, he hadn't not said anything. But the problem was, even though he wasn't actively hiding things, even Dae had been too sensitive to the potential for offense to just come out and ask for details. And Tim wasn't ready to talk about that stuff without being prompted.

But maybe he had to make himself ready. But, then, he hadn't told Xander much either. And not telling Xander first, before the others, felt wrong. He had talked about it, with Gray a little, and with Dr Marvin a lot. Both of them had been clear that revealing things had to be on his own terms. But now, it looked like his father might be taking the power to do that away from him.

His father just didn't come to the city. If he'd come, and was looking for Tim, it wasn't out of some coincidental fatherly desire. That had never been part of who his father was, not to him. He'd come specifically for Tim. For a reason that might have only made sense to him – but that could be the only reason.

But Tim was twenty-three years old. Almost twenty-four, dammit, and he wasn't beholden to his father in any way. It had been long enough since the man had even acted like a dad that Tim couldn't remember it. But it didn't change the fact that Scotty's words had left him shaking, a coldness settling over his chest.

"Leave it, Dae," Ellis said, resting a hand softly on Tim's shoulder. "Do you want us to get Xander?"

"No!"

Tim hadn't been expecting his own vehement response. But, even if he wanted Xander – to protect him and make him feel safe – it wouldn't be fair to drag him into it. Xander hadn't signed up for a complete mess, and Tim had been determined not to be one. He'd been succeeding, too, he thought. Until today.

But Tim had to do something. Keeping himself in the dark by ignoring it wasn't going to be helpful. Not even in the short term. After so long where he, at least, didn't think his family were part of his current problems, he knew he'd now spend every minute looking over his shoulder until he knew what was happening.

"Um, listen. I need to go visit Scotty. He told me something and I need to sort it out."

"Well, we're coming too," Dae insisted, actually stamping his foot when Tim began to shake his head.

"Nu-uh," Ellis nodded along with Dae. "You don't react like that if everything's okay, and we aren't letting you go out there on your own when you're clearly upset. Even if you don't want to tell us details. Don't argue."

Tim could kind of understand the times Ellis had hinted he sometimes did Dom stuff. He was stern when he wanted to be. Kinda hot. But Tim had to focus.

"I'm only going to the coffee shop Scotty works at, but fine."

It didn't take more than ten minutes to get themselves sorted, and Ellis lent both of them jackets, fashionably loose on him and ridiculously huge on them, just so they wouldn't have to delay further by going into the apartments. All the way to Scotty's work Ellis and Dae tried to distract him by telling tales about the club – of which they seemed to have an unlimited supply – and they got shocked and disgusted looks more than once on the subway, but it just made them laugh. Tim admired their freedom.

When they got to the coffee shop, Scotty didn't look relieved to see him for more than a second, when his mouth screwed up and he dragged Tim over to the side, away from the counter.

"Why has he come here?"

"I don't know! You know more than me, you're the one that told me he's here."

"Well, the man's terrifying. He just turned up at the apartment and demanded to know where you were."

"What did you tell him?"

"What could I tell him? I told him I don't know your address."

"So has he gone?" Tim asked, daring to feel hope.

"I doubt it. He was really angry. I'm just glad Brian was passing."

"Who's Brian?"

"He's my neighbor, and he's a football player. He was really pissed your dad had even got into the apartment building when I said I hadn't buzzed him in, and kicked him out. But he went out ranting about calling the police."

Tim turned away from Scotty, who was apparently sulking, with his arms crossed over his chest and something like a sneer on his face. Dae, on the other hand, seemed to understand instantly, without being told a thing, and pulled Tim into a hug.

"It's okay," he whispered as he stroked Tim's shivering back, "we can solve this."

Ellis approached Scotty, the stern look back.

"How did you know it was Tim's father? I assume you haven't met him."

Scotty's head tilted in confusion. "He told me he was."

Ellis was clearly the suspicious type. No one was going to lie about being related to Tim, he knew that much. And his father was scary. Tim remembered how much he'd towered above him, even when he'd been technically an adult, and ready to break free. Not that he'd ever told his father he was going. He'd just disappeared, a week after getting his GED from community college.

He'd expected his father to be nothing but joyful when he left. He hadn't in any way been living in fear that the man would come and find him. Maybe that was why the news from Scotty had hit him so hard. He felt like he couldn't breathe. Ellis was still questioning an increasingly nervous-looking Scotty, but Dae put his hand on Tim's back.

"Hey, sweetie, come with me."

Dae guided him back out the door, but even with the grounding of his hand, Tim felt as though he was breaking apart. His skin was itching, and it took him more than a moment to realize it was localized. The scarred flesh on his stomach and forearms burning, twisting, getting tighter and ripping away.

"Tim, darling, look at me."

He tried to lift his head. When had he sat down? He was on the curb, and Dae was crouched next to him, still touching, but with his phone in his other hand. He couldn't look up into his eyes, anyway, just staring at the print of his oversized t-shirt peeking out from the loose denim jacket. He could hear Dae suggesting that he keep breathing, which was a strange thing to say, until he felt the tightness in his chest and understood that maybe he hadn't been, and took a huge, sucking breath. He wasn't sure how much it helped, because his heart was suddenly pounding instead. It hurt. Bursting from his best.

He felt more hands on his back and shoulders, not pulling, just steady, and he focused on them instead of anything else. There were words too, but the roaring in his ears meant he couldn't tell what they were. They'd be nice. He knew that. He was safe here. With his friends. They were his friends. Always kind. They didn't need any motivation. They didn't need an outside reason.

The scars were getting worse. On fire. Rasping. Scratching. Burning.

"Hey, hey, stop, Tim, don't do that."

Do what? He looked down. There was blood on his fingers. He was bleeding. More moisture, and he realized it was his eyes, too. Not bleeding. Weeping. Hot, heavy blobs of salty water stinging his arms, his loose sleeves pulled back. They couldn't stop it. They were trying, but they couldn't.

He felt different hands on him then, picking him up, folding him close. A different kind of safety, a stronger kind. It meant more, nothing unfair to his friends, it simply was more. The tenseness he'd been carrying without even realizing it fell from his muscles. His bones became liquid as he just allowed Xander to comfort him, as he sobbed into the man's clavicle, seeking comfort like a mewling, newborn kitten.