The Grim ➸ R. Weasley

Not Friends

           
           
"I'M NOT FRIENDS WITH WEASLEY AND POTTER." That was the message Jamie was trying to get across to the blond who was sitting in the loveseat next to him, school books and parchment laid all about around them.

Jamie had been catching up on some school work because after Potter made him dance in the rain he ended up with a cold and happened to miss two days worth of school. He hasn't seen Potter since then, but when he does, he'll make sure to give the raven haired boy a glare strong enough to rival Snapes.

"Yeah. Right. They just happen to worry over you and eat with you as well." Draco sassed, blue eyes softening and adding, "you won't even allow me to sit with you."

Jamie was immediately struck with guilt and casted his eyes downward to stare at his lap. It was true. Jamie never really allowed Draco to sit with him, and would push the younger boy away. It wasn't just about sitting together at meals, it was about how Jamie almost always looked the other way when he saw Draco.

The guilt made his stomach twist uneasily and he shifted in his seat, Draco's look wasn't harsh nor held any heat, yet Jamie felt like holes were burning into the side of his head.

"I don't want them to sit with me." Jamie finally managed to mutter out.

"Yet you don't push them away."

Jamie huffed at that and ran a hand through his tangled hair. "I can not push them away if they are not in my life to begin with."

Draco's blue eyes narrowed, "either you're dense, or you're lying, either way, its annoying. They trail around after you like a lost puppy, and you treat them like friends, but when I tried to do that you—"

"I don't have friends!" Jamie cut him off sharply, then a silence hovered over the two. After swallowing the lump in his throat Jamie repeated much more softly, "I don't have friends and I can't."

"What do you mean?" Draco tilted his head in curiosity, he was leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knees and he leaned closer to his cousin.

Jamie gave a bitter laugh, "everyone I'm around ends a terrible fate. My mother, father, Lily and James, Amy—"

"But none of that was your fault!" Draco pointed out, frowning loudly.

"But it was!" He argued back, because by now he was truly convinced that it was all his fault and Professor Trelawney's words were true. He was The Grim, death followed him and attacked those who got too close. He hurt all those people, he cursed them without meaning too, and knowing that he killed those people was a huge wave of guilt that drowned him in self pity. It was like someone hit him square in the chest making it hard to breathe and everytime he did it hurt and tightened his throat painfully.

"Those people died because they got too close to me. I care too much for you to let you end up like them!"

The blond recoiled at the pain and sincerity in the older boys voice. Tears were shinning in Jamie's eyes but he determinedly refused to let them fall, his face was serious and had his jaw clenched like he was trying to bite back more he wanted to say. He had never seen Jamie so emotional, the boy usually had up a cold demeanor and never showed what he was feeling, leaving everyone around him to think he was always in a sour mood — which wouldn't have been far from the truth.

Draco's lips parted but immediately closed, then opened them again but snapped his jaws closed once more. He was left truly speechless. He wanted to help but at the same time, he didn't know how. This was his cousin. The boy who held his hand when he was scared during their visits to Knockturn alley. The boy who always stood between him and his father when Lucius got angry. The boy who dried his tears when he scraped his knees. The boy who read him to sleep. The boy who hugged him when nightmares hit and everything seemed upside down. Jamie was always there to help him, so he felt in a strange sense he owed this to Jamie. He wanted to help him.

"I've made it this far, haven't I?" Draco finally forced out, his eyebrows were scrunched together like he was in deep thought and his pale lips were shaped in a pout because seeing Jamie so in pain and knowing he can't help physically hurt him.

"Yeah." Jamie sighed out with a nod and for the briefest of moments, he smiled, but it was like gravity immediately pulled his lips back down into a frown.

"Hey." Draco gave Jamie a small smile and with a wave of his wand the books and parchment that was between them floated to the table in front of them, he moved closer and hesitantly rested his hand on Jamie's shoulder and thought about retracting his hand when the boy tensed, but he didn't. "We're family. We're brothers. We're in this together. Right?"

Jamie studied the boy's hopeful look but all he could see was his boggart. The hallow, lifeless eyes, pale skin littered with bruises, split lip and a black eye. He killed Draco. The boy was dead, not yet, but Jamie was basically writing his death if he continued this path.

"Somethings I have to do alone." He shook his head.

"But you don't have to!" Draco snapped, he pointed a slender and spider-like finger at Jamie's face. "You act like you're the only one with a messed up life. Guess what? No one has it perfect. And you're just being selfish, keeping to yourself when there is others who care and want to help. I'm here. I'm alive. And who knows when I'm going to die? It could be right now, maybe even tomorrow, but that's not up to you. When I go, I go, and when I do I want to be happy and have a good relationship with you. Stop pushing me away!"

Draco inhaled a deep breath after his rant and leaned back, watching as Jamie processed his words carefully in his head. He looked conflicted, on one hand he didn't want to hurt Draco, but what he didn't realize sooner was that when pushing the younger boy away he did the very thing he was trying to prevent.

"But—"

"No buts!" Draco cut him off. "You're an idiot, but you're also my brother, get that through your thick skull."

After a second Jamie's lip twitched up. Of course he still believes he is a curse and isn't ignorant to the black cloud that surrounds him, but Draco had somewhat of a point, they both could die at any minute, there was no set guarantee for tomorrow, and when he goes he doesn't want to think back on his life and remember how lonely he was. He wants to remember the smiles, the laughs, the moments where your heart feels completely full, he doesn't have many of those, mainly just frowns, lonely nights, and depressing thoughts.

"I want to be happy." Jamie admitted.

"Then you have to be open to those who want to help you get there." Draco hinted.

"Alright. . . Brother." The word felt weird on his tongue, but the feeling wasn't completely unwelcome.
   
  
     
   
     
    

     
     

Published
9 - 26 - 20

No Ron in this chapter, but maybe soon. Ron is still ify about Jamie, but he is slowly getting there, process takes time.

If you liked please vote, and comment! If you want to see a moment between Jamie and Ron, or any of the other characters let me know and I might beable to work it in.

:)