Without regrets [redwood book 2]

Chapter forty

Ryan woke up and knew everything was different because everything looked different. Everything felt different. She couldn't point out what straightaway, mostly because she couldn't get around the fact that she was wake. She didn't know where she was at first, nothing looked familiar. Things seemed much larger and clearer yet distance as if it's not her eyes seeing it but from someone's point of view and to be frank, it freaked her the fuck out.

It freaked her the fuck out for many reasons, the first one being that it felt familiar. It was similar but she couldn't arguing with the fact that it felt different.

Was that it? Was she having another dream?

A better dream? A good version of that horrible dream she had couple weeks ago.

It didn't feel like a dream.

It was familiar in the sense that she was seeing things from another's point of view, different in the sense that she felt calm rather than dirty.

Didn't she die?

She felt it, she felt the life ooze out of her. She felt every painful second of it. She didn't think she could ever forget it. It was frightening and not something she wanted to experience again. It was cold and lonely.

Ryan had been alone most of her life and she had never felt as lonely as she felt then.

She blinked. Then blinked again until the room she was in started to looking familiar but she couldn't be there. She died. Everything went dark for her. She knew she was gone and now she was back?

Was she in parallel universe? Was she in heaven and was placed her in her own version of heaven? If so, the creator nailed it. Redwood was her break in life. Life dealt her shit cards all her life and four years ago she got a bit of a taste of sweetness. That was Joe and the boys in the garage. Over a month ago, life gave her more of that sweetness, this time a lot more and gave her a new best friend, a man and a family.

So if this was a version of that reality she had the chance of living in the past month then she was okay with it. Sure she wanted more out of it and not to just stay at the house but if she was being honest with herself, it felt good. It felt like home and she never had that. She never had a home.

Her pride and fear of getting left behind made her lose on a chance of true happiness. She lives with that but she knew she had to move on. If she didn't it would eat her up and destroy her.

If she was dead, then she would never have the real Cameron but if she could get a version of him, she would take it. She would take it because she loves him.

Somehow in this twisted, fucked up month, she fell for her captor even with her trying her damn hardest not to, afraid to be burnt again but also it was just fucked up. I mean he did kidnap her.

But Ryan didn't care. If she could go back to that exact moment and she had to make a decision to go through the park or another route, Ryan Smith would go through the park and get kidnapped again by Cameron Lee Mitchell, without any regrets.

She would do things differently. No that doesn't mean she would give it to him easy because Ryan Smith was anything but easy but she would share a bit of her sweetness and enjoy Cameron.

She knew what room she was in and her heart started to beat really fast. The weird thing about it is that she could hear it. She could hear the loud drums of her heart as she got excited about what was on the other side of that door.