Without regrets [redwood book 2]

Chapter thirty seven

Cameron

She was going soon. I knew it. I could feel it down to my bones. I wish I could anchor to her this world and never let her go. I can do many things but not that. How can I be so powerful yet so powerless?

My mother busted in the house like the house was on fire. Her eyes were wild and her blonde hair that was usually put up in ponytail was up in a messy loose bun. Her eyes searched around the room and when they found me, she let out a relieved sigh. Like she was afraid that I would hurt myself or disappear and she needed to see with her own eyes that I was okay. The former, never. The latter however is looking like a great idea by the minute. But I knew I couldn't ever.

I loved that everyone was here to support me and be there for Ryan in her last-. I couldn't even say it. Saying it felt like it was final and I knew it was. I knew I couldn't do anything because if I could, she would be fine. She would be laughing and smiling not wincing in pain.

The house felt overcrowded and there were moments when all I wanted to do was shout for everyone to get out. I knew it was selfish. I wanted her to myself. I knew it wasn't fair because they all loved her almost as much. Some have known her for years. I didn't have the right to take that away from them or her.

I could make them go. I did have that power. I may be many things but not evil. Making them leave would make me just as evil as the monster who put her in this situation.

Ma walked up to me and throw her arms over my shoulders. She was shorter than me by almost a foot so I had to bend down her hug her back. I didn't cry then. I don't think I had anymore tears left to cry. I just shut my eyes and held her tight, welcoming the love Ma never failed to give.

I was glad Ma came. She always made things seem better. I felt a bit better in her arms but there was that weighing feeling on my chest that had me gasping for air once in awhile. I knew that feeling wasn't going anywhere for a very long time. Knew it would be keeping me company for a long while.

"I'm sorry baby"she kept whispering in my ears.

I felt my father's presence. I pulled away from my mother and looked at my father and gave him a nod.

He pulled me into a hug. I looked over his shoulders and saw my younger brother looking back at me. He had his jaw clenched and his eyes were firmly on me. He didn't know Ryan long but I knew he cared about her. The little he had known - knows - he likes.

Grayson stood couple feet away, he was holding sleeping Sky in his arms and she rested her head on his shoulder. He didn't step forward to give me a hug like my parents. He didn't need to. I knew. I just knew by looking at him.

He raised one of his brows and tilt one corner of his lips slightly up as if to ask me if I was okay. I nodded. I returned the expression to him and he needed back.

We were both lying. Neither of us were okay. Neither of us looked okay.

"Thanks for coming"I said to my parents after pulling away from my father and looking away form my brother.

"Of course we would have came honey"my mum said placing her hand on my cheeks.

"Have you eaten?"she asked concerned written on her face.

The last thing I could think about was eating. I thought about lying to her but thought against it.

"I'm not really hungry ma"I replied instead.

I couldn't remember the last time I ate but I wasn't hungry. I have lost my appetite and I had the feeling that I wasn't going to eat for a long time.