my font was acting up last chapter so i just published it to reset my font so that's why that chapter was kinda short:)this one will be extra long to make up for it:))
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bit of a trigger warning???(just mentions self harm a bit,sorry if ti triggers you i have no intention of triggering anyone if you ever feeling like self harming please please reach out to someone even me!!:)
chases pov
...but why?" i didn't know what to say.I mean i know why.I get these depressive states when i'm alone and i know that it's just because i over think everything but i know she would think i was dumb if i said that. There's more to it then that though but it's hard to put into words.Even in my own mind its a mess anymore. "did i c-cause it?" my heart sank. no,she didn't she could never.if anything she made me avoid it. charli was the most brightest thing in my life.People all support her and all but they don't know her,you meet her and she lights up your life.how could she think that though? "oh my god char no no no" i said.i felt horrible.why did i always fuck up? she looked away,i could tell she was at a loss of words. "y-you sure?" i closed my eyes not want to full on burst into tears. "charli,trust me you've haven't done anything that would...i don't know do that. It's not you,it's not anyone. it's me. i'm the problem. Charli if anything you've helped me a lot,i'm just not really someone that can be fixed i guess-" i didn't mean to get all sad and sappy but a soon as i said that all the hate comments i've ever read or heard about me,and all my mistakes came flooding into my head,but i decided that charli didn't need anymore pressure.I needed to grow up.This isn't anyone's problem,it's mine i need to deal with it myself even if it meant i faked happiness to everyone. "charli,i love you,i promise you i'm not in that mind set anymore,and if i ever do it again i'll go get help." i felt guilty for lying. I knew well that this wouldn't be the last time with red slit wrists. She smiled wiping away her tears "promise?" i nodded "i promise" i felt guilt slowly rise up in me but i quickly pushed it away knowing it would just make matters worse.She kissed my cheek and i smiled. We were about to lay down before she sat back up "chase?" i nodded "hmm?" she turned away "ugh this might be weird and you don't have to but do you mind if maybe i...see?" i nodded.As much as i didn't wanna show anyone or talk about this with anyone,i would show charli because i know it would only make her more worried if i didn't. "yes" i said quietly as i gently pulled up my hoodie sleeve. she gently ran her finger over the cuts and looked up at my eyes as i met her gaze.She then slowly and gently lean in and kissed ever one. It made me feel so alive. "i love you chase,please never forget that.you are loved,you are needed,and your important to so many" i smiled.A genuine smile because even though i didn't not feel it,i loved the way charli could make someone feel so special. "i love you beautiful" i smiled at her.I kissed the top of her head before laying down with her and cuddling.
1 hour later
charlis pov
i fluttered my eyes open to see me in the same place as earlier.We must've fallen asleep after-Memories from earlier flooded in. I smiled sadly. How could someone so-so pure feel so broken? i'm glad i knew,although i wish it wasn't happening because he didn't deserve to feel that way or to feel any pain at all,i rather know then it get any worse.I looked around the room to see it was about 4 in the afternoon read the classic white rimmed hospital clock on the wall.I glanced around to see a tv muted playing across the room.Then as i carefully sat up avoiding to wake chase and avoiding pain i jumped and basically had a mini heart attack because i saw all the hype house members crowded on sharing a two seater couch.I smiled "well goodmorning sleepy head,or shall i say evening" tony chuckled. i rolled my eyes playfully then smiled noticing a sleeping chase. "awwe someone blushing over lover boy" avani giggled. "shuttupppp" then dixie smirked "he is pretty cute" i looked at her.Excuse you dixie he's my mans i mean where does she think she can just say that "Excuse you!" i snarled she laughed "chill i'm just messing with you,besides i've got my own lover boy" i rolled my eyes. Whoever it was definitely wasn't as attractive or as goofy as chase. Then it caught me off guard.Who?Whos dixies 'lover boy' i looked at her with a confused smile "whoooooo? she's rolled her eyes while smiling as everyone especially the girls started questioning her all excited to hear the new tea. "welllllllll" kover rolled her eyes "HURRY I NEED TO KNOW DIX" she laughed.i usually would pretend like i don't care because well it's dixie but,this time i was genuinely curious.Like she always tells me these things so why hadn't she already told me. "griffin" she mumbled. WHAT?SWAY HOUSE BOY. "WHAT" mads basically screamed as thomas told her to shush. "griffin" she said this time a lot more confident. i rolled my eyes.whatevvverrr and out of all people he's DEFINITELY not as attractive as chase no matter what any one says."soo when did y'all get here" thomas chuckled "like 20 minutes ago but we wanted y'all to sleep,but then you know kover and alex with farting wars-" okay i did not need to know "dude i didn't wake up to that and i'm glad!so why u gotta tell me" i said in a fake sad and disgusted face. lover laughed alex:"we all know i won" kover:"NOO WE ALL KNOW I DID" alex smirked "oh yeah i had in n out for lunch sooo i definitely won" i shook my head.Oh god daily kover and alex,but i cant lie though it wouldn't be as interesting or fun without them.I wouldn't trade them or any of my friends for the world. and that was final.
