Lost In My Head, Found In My Heart

Casey - Chapter 5

When Casey stepped through the curtain, he just froze. He'd never seen his mom look so frail and lifeless. A machine beeped and wheezed as it monitored his mom's vitals. The nurse had reached the bedside, not realizing that Casey wasn't still directly behind her. A kind look and gentle coaxing finally broke the ice and Casey sheepishly approached his mom. She seemed to be sleeping and he didn't want to wake her, but seeing her lying so still conjured up imagines of her in a casket in a funeral home. At that image, the dam burst and tears rolled down his cheeks. He warred with the need to touch her hand and the apprehension that it would feel stiff and cold. His mother's face appeared taunt and waxy and her hair didn't look like it was as soft and wavy as it usually did. Surely his mind was playing tricks on him. It was just a few hours ago that he told her goodbye before going to the park, and she has been nearly back to her usual self. How could she have faded so fast? His mind was drowning in a sea of fear that he could be losing the most important person in his life, seeing her be swallowed by death while he stood by helplessly watching behind a barred window. Then, his mother's eyes fluttered and opened.

She smiled when she first saw him, but then, lines of concern formed around her eyes as she took in the sorrow and tears in his eyes. She offered her hand to him, and he took it. He leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She responded by squeezing his hand and offering a weak smile. The nurse that brought him back was now checking the equipment and recording the readings.

As if she read my mind, she said, "They're admitting you mother, as soon as they have a room ready."  He looked at his mother, with renewed concern.

"Mom", he asks, "Why are they admitting you?"

When she seemed unable to respond, Casey looked from his mother to the nurse and the nurse said, "The doctor wants to run some tests. Some of your mother number are way off and he was concerned enough to schedule additional testing."

The anxiety of those words formed a lump in his throat, but for is mom's sake, he put on a brave face. Then, he took a seat by her bed. His phone dinged and he saw a text from Chase. All it said is, hope your mom is okay. He tapped out, she is.

"Who was that?" She asked.

"Just a friend from school," he said, "asking how you're doing."

She looked at him with a small glint in her eyes, reminding him of her, when she wasn't lying in a hospital bed but was sitting on the sofa watching television. He knew she wanted to ask more about this friend, but she wouldn't push it. She always did respect him enough to allow him some secrets. Still, he could tell she was glad that he had a friend. He and Chase were friends, right? He hoped so but only if he could control his thoughts about that hot guy. He tried to school his expression but the grin didn't help.His mom smiled too.

She said, "he's just a friend, right?"

"Of course", Casey blurted out, maybe too aggressively.

"So, it is a he", she says with a weak chuckle.

"Mom!" Casey said, as his cheeks suddenly feel warm.

Then, her expression shifted to a more serious look. He knew what she was thinking but not saying. He took her hand and said, "I'll be careful, mom. I won't risk creating another scene at this school."

At this, a tear formed in the corner of her eye and she just nodded. The nurse returned, surprising Casey, because he didn't even realize she had left. She told him that his mom's room was ready. As Casey stood up, she said he'll have to wait down here until they get her settled in. He nodded and leaned down to give her another quick kiss on the cheek, just as the orderlies came in. Casey slowly moved out of the way and then through the curtain. His mind was a whirlwind of thoughts. Should he just sit in the waiting room again or step outside to clear his head? What should he do after they get his mother settled? What should he do after visiting hours are over? He can't go home to the empty house, but he knew that he couldn't stay with his mother all night. Also, he needed to call her brother and sister but what would he tell them? He doesn't even know anything at this point. Overwhelmed, he collapsed on a chair in the waiting room, and buried his face in his hands. He wasn't ashamed of his tears, but he didn't want sympathy from a stranger.

When his phone pinged, he didn't look immediately. He was lost and miserable and didn't want to talk to anybody right now. But as the thought rattled around in his head, it nagged at him. As it nagged, it stroked his curiosity. After all, who ever texted him besides his mother. So, he stood up and pulled it from his pocket. After swiping the screen, he got a little flutter in his stomach to see it was from Chase. As he looked at it, wondering what to do, it pinged again. It was another message from Chase. He smiled, thinking it was nice that Chase cared enough contact him. Still, he couldn't understand how someone he's never spoken to, could reach out to someone dealing with such a life altering situation. Chase must really be one of the nicest people Casey had ever met. Maybe that made him really popular in school and the kind of guy everyone just liked from the moment they met him. He probably has lots of friends and probably a really nice girlfriend. That almost meant he was off limits and out of his league, possibly even as a friend. Maybe he just wanted to do the right thing and return the phone. It didn't mean they were friends now, did it? He really wished that was true but, how could he? As a tear formed in his eye, he remembered where he was and why. This was not something to cry about when others here for worse off them he was. So, he shook off the pity party and swiped on the phone. The first message asked how he was doing. The second one asked are you still at the hospital? He responded with a simple yes. Figuring that was the end of the conversation, he was about the pocket the phone when it pinged again. This time, Chase asked are visiting hours were almost over? Checking his watch and the sign on the wall, he realized they would be in about forty-five minutes. Curious as to why Chase asked the question, he replied yes, in almost an hour. Thoughts flooded his mind for reasons why Chase wanted to know that. So, the phone was still in his hand when it pinged again. He had to read the message more than once, because surely he'd read it wrong. But each time, it read the same. I'll pick you up in an hour to take you home. Meet me at the front entrance.