Lost In My Head, Found In My Heart

Chapter 18

Chase, who had been quietly hanging onto every word, suddenly gasped. His jaw dropped open and tears formed in his eyes. Casey had noticed that, right before he dropped his eyes to his own lap. His hand had balled into fists. The pain was still fresh in his mind. The hurt flared to life like it had just happened, instead of being almost a year ago. His own eyes became moist as he began to think about things that he hadn't in months.  

Without hesitation, Chase wrapped his arms around Casey, holding him tight. That was all it took for the anguish he carried inside to let loose. The tears rolled down Casey's cheeks, and his entire body shook with sobs that radiated outward from his soul. Chase was surprised by his own response, but only until Casey's regained his voice. Once his sobs were under control, Casey pulled back, while still holding onto Chase's arms.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that." There was nothing but sadness and sympathy in his eyes.

Chase dropped his eyes to the floor. "Thank you," he mumbled softly.

"So, they killed him just because he was your friend. It's so hard to believe."

Casey's head snapped up, his eyes filled with confusion. "Maurice didn't die."

"But you said your mother told you he was gone, didn't she?"

Casey reached up and touched Chase's cheek. "Yes, she did. But she meant that he'd left the hospital. He'd been taken to the police station."

"Why?" Chase asked.

Casey shook his head and rolled his eyes. Tears were beginning to show there. "Because," he began and his voice cracked, "one of the parents of a boy that attacked him, were pressing for assault charges. Since Maurice had some training in martial arts, he wasn't the pushover they expected."

Chase pulled him back to his chest. "Maurice gave as good as he got. In fact, the three boys ended up in worse shape than he did."

"But he was just defending himself," Chase said, "so why would the police take their accusation seriously?"

Casey sighed deeply and said, "The lawyer for the attacker alleged that it was excessive use of force and also that his training made it assault with a deadly weapon."

"So, what happened to Maurice?"

Casey swallowed a lump in his through and forced the words out. "Maurice was charged with a misdemeanor of aggravated assault and released."

"Well, at least he didn't have to go to prison," Chase offered, trying to comfort Casey.

"But it ruined his life," Casey replied, his voice full of pain. "He lost his scholarship and any chance to go to college. And on top of that, he made himself vulnerable to those jerks."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Any time those guys said or did anything to me or him, he couldn't stand up for himself. The least bit of trouble and he'd have ended up back in jail. And the worst part was, those jerks knew it."

An expression of anger and disgust twisted Casey's face. His body seemed to vibrate with rage. He pulled himself out of Chase's arms and got to his feet. He turned away from Chase and folded his arms, glaring at the floor.

"Finally, his mom and dad moved away, to get him away from the possibility that he'd fight back. They didn't say it but word got around that they blamed me. They hated me. I never got to say goodbye or even thank him. Maybe he hated me too."

Chase rose to his feet and wrapped his arms around Casey from behind. "Hey, don't say that. I'm sure he didn't hate you."

"Of course, he did. I ruined his life. If he hadn't have met me and stood up for me, he'd be in college right now, fulfilling his dream of being an artist. Instead, he wasted his life defending a loser with no future."

"But he loved you," Chase said, turning Casey around and gripping him by the shoulders. "He did those things because he loved you, not because he saw you as a charity case. How could you not see that?"

"Because everyone else hated me," Casey said. "That's why we had to move. My mom lost her job and no one else would hire her. I couldn't even get an after school job to help out, because no one would hire me. I had a few friends, but I cut them loose to spare them the cold treatment I was getting."

Chase wrapped him in a hug, trying to calm him down. He felt the tension in Casey, making it feel like he was hugging a tree. So, he relaxed his hug and said, "Hey".

When Casey looked up at him with sad and quizzical eyes, Chase smiled, and then, pressed his lips to Casey's. For a moment, Casey melted into the kiss, but suddenly, he pulled back and forced his way out of Chase's arms.

"No!" he shouted. "I'm doing it again. I'm letting someone into my pathetic life and you're going to get hurt and you're going to hate me, too."

"Casey, wait..."

"No, I need to go. Thanks for everything but I think you should forget about all of this. It was a mistake. I'm not someone you should be friends with, Chase. I'll just ruin your life, too."

"Casey, no, you won't."

But Casey couldn't hear him. His heart was pounding in his chest and echoing in his ears. The guilt he felt for what happened to Maurice and the guilt for what could happen to Chase, flared like a bonfire in his stomach. The tears came gushing out of his eyes. He cried for the pain he'd caused and he cried for the loneliness that was his destiny from the day he'd opened his heart to another. Also, there was the pained he caused his mother. This was his fault again. Why had he gone to that park? Why had he made friends with Chase? Why didn't he just stay in his room alone and spare everyone around his the pain his friendship would bring? He had to go. And he had to go now. 

"I have to go. I have to leave now."

"No, Casey. Stay here with me. It'll be okay."

"No," Casey says, pushing Chase away. "I'm sorry but its not too late. I can keep you safe."

Chase tried to grab Casey as he turns towards the door, but Casey shrugs it off. He grabbed his coat and rushed out the door, with Chase calling for him. The slam of the door said goodbye with punctuated finality, leaving Chase in shock and missing his friend, with no answers of what to do now.