exhausted | sleepy bois inc oneshots

your city gave me asthma

a/n : i relistened to ycgma recently and got inspired to make something. oh and i didn't know if fundy was comfortable with his name being used in fanfictions so he'll just be called fundy.

1962 words (minus a/n)
wilbachu soulmate au
& hinted dreamnoblade

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[ wilbur's pov ]

i've never thought i'd find myself in a state of red. normally i'd be changing from shades of grey yet at this point in my life i've gone red.

i don't know why people always leave me, i don't know why it's normally the ones i love. the world is grey and the people in it glow with colour. the world stays grey until you find a so called soulmate but the world changes when you grow attached to someone. when you love someone but they aren't the one the world goes monochromatic, the shades surrounding you are the different shades of your colour.

your shade changes with emotions. the world would change from monochrome to grey until you met the one who'd fill your world with colour. for a while it was hard to know when i got attached to people but it got easier to tell from the more i got attached and well..

i get attached easily. it's problem i can't solve. i was attached to a girl in the past, we'd sleep on call together every night but one day she became tired of me and decided to block me. i was attached to a boy once, we'd play minecraft together often it was like our thing. normally our dates would be at a pizza hut downtown or at the park. the day he grew tired of me was the day he met someone else. the most recent attachment was with a girl, we'd spent a lot of time together. her sister didn't like me and rightfully so. i wasted her time, i pushed her away and left her crying with no other option than to leave me like the others.

her sister was right and i hate that.

getting attached to people always effected me, i'm to the point i feel like i can't actually love anything, that i just like how they made me feel and not them as a person. i wasted all their time, i wasted hers, i wasted his, i wasted..

it's better for me to leave here. i've hurt enough people. maybe i go stay at fundy's for a bit just until i get myself sorted out. the train should get me there.

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waiting for the train has never been this.. weird. i didn't want to leave, i hated seeing them leave and part of me hated being the one to leave even though it's for the better. the city leaves me barely any room to breathe. the air chokes me with guilt everywhere i go. the backpack i have on has guilt in it but i'm taking it anyway. fundy said it was alright to come over so i'm safe to leave.

the air was suffocating here. i found myself coughing as if i were choking. no one even took a glance at me which is good.. i don't want attention.. not right now.

i took out a fidget spinner, i couldn't handle standing without doing a thing. i wanted to talk to people. i wanted to turn back and run to the pizza hut in hopes he'd be there. i wanted to put on my hiking boots and go to the spot i had with her. i wanted to check if she was streaming, see if she was doing well. i ignored all these wants and i just spun the fidget spinner.

after a long while the train started to come closer. a part of me wondered what would happen if i stepped in front of it, waited for it and got hit by it. maybe the guilt would finally leave me, maybe i could finally have the loop of people leaving end and just maybe i could lose the red.

colours closer to grey normally mean the person is basically an empty shell of a person. one that follows a routine everyday, not bothering to change a thing. the people would have a colour close to grey normally get eaten by the boring world they've allowed themselves to live in. my routine was, wake up, eat, hang out with the person i was attached to, eat and sleep. i had a lot of free time and that time was used to waste my attachment's time.