Alive//H.S

Free Time

I used to spend it with you
All of the stupid shit we used to do
Now that you're tied up
I'm tired of all of this free time

Lila Rose

I never did get to play Harry and Mitch any of the songs I had written, Jeff walking in to make some date preparations for me and Harry's makeup and Outfit team.

I left that day feeling like I had accomplished something amazing. It felt like a euphoric sting in my chest at the thought of me actually being able to spend the day with these people, let alone let myself sing for them.

I ended up calling Clara on my way home, telling her all about my exciting day with Harry.

I still can't believe he remembers calling me Lavender, or even what happened all those years ago. I miss that girl. I miss the girl who didn't care what people thought, the girl who could pour her heart out in three sentences and not five pages. I miss my dad.

"Lila?" Clara called out from my apartment door as I was just figuring out what I was gonna wear for the designers meeting tomorrow morning.

"Hey," I smile at her as she and Gavin walk into my loft apartment, my only home besides Stevie.

I had moved back home only yesterday, deciding it had been way too much of a burden of Stevie fo too long now. Plus, it gives me more time to prepare for leaving for tour.

My outfits for the shows are taken care of by the team, but for outings and nights out with the band that's all up to me to pack. I've kinda already started since we leave in less than two weeks, but I still have a lot to pack.

I love my apartment, it's a smaller loft apartment with bright colored walls and a huge bedroom for the loft floor, which I converted half into a book nook, something I had always wanted to do before I had moved in with Ian.

I spent most of the day today at the police station, trying to give them any information about Ian I possibly could. I'm frightened to death that he's just waiting for me to go out in public so he can get his hands on me again. I don't think I could handle that.

"Harry called Stevie last night," Clara grins with her suggestive smirk, my eyes widening as I scoured my closet for something to wear tomorrow. Gavin giggled from where he laid on the couch on the main floor below the banister, flipping through one of my magazines.

"What'd they talk about?" I ask, pulling out a long sleeved dress and holding it up for Clara to see, she shook her head, standing up to join me at the closet.

"He said he never realized how much he missed your voice," Gavin said, Clara shooting daggers through her eyes at him through the stairs as he giggled.

"He did?" I asked, shocked as I turned to Clara seeing her holding up a pair of long pants and a dark green sweater. I nodded, her tossing it onto the bed as I continued to gather clothes for my suitcase.

"He told Stevie all about what you guys did that summer...and how much he thinks you've changed," Gavin said as he walked up the stairs, me squinting at him as he did so. I know I've changed but I didn't realize it was that obvious.

"Is that a bad thing?" I ask, Gavin sitting down at the end of the bed, hooking his arm around Clara as he talked.

"I don't think so. I think he's just a little worried about you, Kid. He wants to make sure you're gonna be okay on tour," Gavin shrugged, and my heart dropped. I didn't want Harry to have to worry about me, or take time out of his day to fix my problems.

"I'm not gonna be...you guys know that. I don't want him to worry about me though," I huff, throwing the long sleeved dress towards my suitcase and flopping down on my bed next to them.

"He's gonna worry, Lila. You've been through more than anyone has in their entire life. He knows your limits and your struggles," Clara soothes as she turns towards me.

"What do I do if he asks...what do I do if Ian gets brought up in conversation?" I whisper, feeling bile rise in my throat as his name.

"Tell him the truth. You deserve to be able to tell him and not be scared to. You can trust him, Lila. He's there to make you comfortable," Clara says softly as I look up at her, knowing she's right.

"He hasn't changed at all...that same laugh and those same eyes that made me fall for him so long ago," I say as she combines her hands with Gavins.

"Those same feelings too..." She grins snakily and I widen my eyes at her, sitting up as I scoff. I couldn't be with Harry again after everything, especially not when I look like a doodle pad full of lines. He wouldn't want me.

"Don't lie to yourself, you still like him!" Clara giggled, Gavin nodding along as I roll my eyes, trying to hide the smile that would slip out if we kept this conversation going.

"I can see it too...the way he talked about you last night you should have heard him. Stevie has me on speaker phone throughout the whole conversation with him. He called your eyes diamonds Lila...try and tell me that's not cute," Clara giggled as I stand up, walking over towards my bookshelf as I talk.

"Harry's got anyone he wants in the world...he doesn't want me, Clara. Plus, isn't he with Kendall Jenner?" I say as I pick out a few books to stuff into my backpack, and the one I'm currently reading for tomorrow.

"They broke up," Gavin said and mine and Claras heads snapped to him with wide eyes.

"What? I was watching E! News and they were talking about it...,"

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THIS IS BAD IM SORRY

AHHA OKAY I LOVE YOU GUYS

Bye babes

Sunny