Alive//H.S

The Only Thing

Do I care if I survive this, bury the dead where they're found
In a veil of great surprises, hold to my head till I drown
Should I tear my eyes out now, before I see too much?
Should I tear my arms out now, I wanna feel your touch

Lila Rose

SEVEN

ten shows left

The last how many days it's been since our first show off of Christmas have gone by so fast. I love being like this, always busy and such, but being on the road all of the time is definitely starting to get to me. Harry makes it better-as much as he can-by giving us small things to do-as well as shoving his dick into me which is nice. It's just been so long since I've been back to L.A., and just been home. Our new home is waiting for us, and I'm so excited to help make my home his. I know it may be too soon, but god our relationship is off the rails of too soon, so what's keeping us back from doing more?

Harry was currently showering off after our plane ride into Kentucky, and all I want to do is go to my dads place. I'm trying to distract myself currently by just reading the last two chapters of my book, but I keep picking at my nails anxiously, not knowing if I can handle going back to his place again. I want to..I miss being there so much, I mean I grew up in that place...but it's also the last time I saw my dad before he died. I wish he could see where Harry and I are now. I miss him so much. Growing up with someone like my dad was so different than growing up with Stevie was. Stevie has always lived in L.A. so when I stayed with her I was out doing things, and when I was home it was just me and my dad on the farm. His grave sight is on the way, and I plan on picking up some flowers and things. Harry and I decided to spend a night at a hotel near the house tonight, just so we can go to some places together. I am scared, I must admit, just because I don't know how I'm gonna react to being home again. I wish we could go and see him.

I toy with the ring on my middle finger, biting the inside of my lip as I read, but I look up when Harry walks out, a towel around his waist and he uses another to dry off his beautiful curly hair, looking over at me and he gives me a sad smile. "How're you doin' baby? You okay?" He whispers, pulling on some boxers and crawling into the bad with me, and I don't look at his eyes, knowing that if I do I won't be able to keep my composure. I shrug, biting my nails, and he slips his hand through mine, pulling it away from my face. "Are you nervous?" He asks, and I nod, looking down at my book, and he sighs, taking the book from me and I huff. "Lila Rose," he says, tipping my chin up and I look into his big green eyes, immediately melting into them.

"What's going on inside that pretty head, hm?" He whispers, smoothing my hair down, and I rest my forehead against his shoulder, playing with his rings, and I shrug, mumbling. "Just don't want anything to happen today...it's important to me that I can do this," I whisper, and Harry coos into my ear, kissing my hairline and he sighs, starting to talk. "Everything is going to be okay, Lila," he whispers and I nod, standing from the end of the bed, running my hands through my messy hair and I grab my bag, him doing the same.

We make our way down to the car, me driving since I've been here enough times to know how the grass grows. Harry settles beside me, his hand squeezing my thigh and I smile at him sadly, tapping my ring against the wheel, knowing the next forty minutes in this car were going to be absolute hell. The last time I went to see my dad here, it was three months before he mad the move to California, and I remember how hard it was for him to leave all of his stuff behind and fully commit. He promised me he would never sell the farm, and i never am going to break a promise he made. I smile when I see the Murray Kentucky sign, old and worn, but everyone in town would have a frenzy if anyone replaced it. It's a beautiful landmark for me, just because I know we're almost home.