Alive//H.S

Godspeed

Wishing you godspeed, glory
There will be mountains you won't move
(Ooh, ooh, ooh)
Still I'll always be there for you
How I do

Lila Rose

I haven't said one word since Harry and Matty found me.

So much has happened, so much it's hard to even think about. Harry told his side of the story to the police with me in his arms, and I watched him with love as he told his story. He told them how he came face to face with Ian, and his scared he was, and how hard it was to finally get him to the ground to run away. He told the story so confidently, like nothing could hurt him, but I could see the pain in his eyes. I feel like this is all my fault, this is all because of me and my stupid actions to make Ian do this to us. Ian would've killed Harry because of me, and the thought of that is so painful.

I'm so in love with this man. Without him doing that, Ian would've been at the door sooner, and Matty wouldn't have been able to get there in time. I'm go lucky. So incredibly, incredibly lucky. I'm so grateful for my Harry. I love him so much, I love him so so much.

I just can't talk.

Everything that happened keeps repeating in front of me, even as I sit on the edge of the bed, Harry in the bathroom, and I can't even try and focus on something else to get my mind off of it, and off of the way he fell, and the way his eyes wouldn't leave mine. Harry had a few bruises and cuts, but they've all scabbed over already, and I've been helping with his ice pack and stuff.

The blood on his shirt wasn't his.

He told me everything, he told me how he hit him, and how he felt while hitting him, like the anger inside of him was making him push Ian with every bit of energy he had. I just cried, and cried to him. I held him so close, hoping he wouldn't leave after this, and hoping that nothing was going to happen anymore. He's gone now, Harry kept repeating, over and over, all last night. We didn't sleep, no matter how exhausted the both of us were, and neither did Matty, Ellen, or any of Harrys bodyguards where they stood outside of the door, making sure no one else was coming after us anymore.

"You hungry?" Harry whispers, walking out of the bathroom, and I shake my head at him, holding the blanket around my shoulders tightly, and he walks towards me, my eyes on his bare chest, and he sighs. "Gotta eat something," he whispers, brushing the loose hair from my bun behind my ears, and I just feel sticky. My hands had to have some stitches, but they are thankfully the ones that can get wet, which is nice.

"C'mon, Lila...you haven't eaten since yesterday," Harry whispers, and my lips begin to tremble, shaking my head again. I don't want any food, I'm too scared I'll get sick again. I can't do this. I can't keep this feeling inside of me while also trying to sleep and eat, it doesn't work that way. "How about some pancakes, yeah? You love pancakes," Harry mumbled, and I shove my head into his warm chest, his hands running up and down my back.

"I know you don't want to...but you have to," he whispers into my hair, and my shoulders settle against him, knowing no matter what he was going to make me eat anyway. He lets go of me, reaching for the phone and I can hear him order us some food, and I miss his warmth. I do feel bad, knowing I keep having to be in his arms or touching him at all to even feel safe anymore. It just keeps repeating in my head. It won't stop.

"I got us some food...we'll eat then we can shower, okay, my lavender?" He whispers and I nod shortly at him, raising my arms for him to pick me up into his arms, and he smiles into my neck, holding me against him as he walks to the kitchen, sitting me down on the counter. "You sleepy?" He asks and I stay still, staring behind him at the wall and I have to blink to even try to process what he said, stepping forward and he sighs, tapping his nose against my cheek. "What's going on in that head of yours hm? Tell me, lavender," he whispers and I want to say something, I want to so bad, but I physically can't do that. I can't let my voice go.