Our Secret Melody✓

Lyric: Thirty-One

Kai's POV:

I've kept calling Rose and Jin the whole night, but no matter how many times I dialed their number, it would just go to voicemail. Even when I watched them leave in the cab earlier, I felt a heavy tug in my heart. The relationship they both have is more than just colleagues, Jin shows so much care for Rose and I think I know why. And I can't bear it...

"Damnit!" 

I grunted out in frustration as I continued to sit on the front porch.

"Kai? Are you still out here? Why don't you come back inside already, I'm sure Jin is capable of taking Rose back home." 

Zack said to me in a tiresome sigh as I heard him walk down the steps toward where I was.

"Is Lily sleeping?"

"Yeah, she's in her room. Hey, did you two...talk yet?" 

Zack asked with a hesitant tone as I stood back up...

"Yeah...we talked for a little." 

My mind then quickly replayed the conversation I had with her today when we were alone.

"Do you hate me?"

"What!? Of course not! Why would you ever ask that-"

"Because you haven't reached out to me in these last few years since the accident... and when I came to see you today after the concert, your expression changed as if you saw a ghost when you looked at me. Even when I called you a few days ago, you sounded uncomfortable. I'm sure Zack told you that I was back in Korea, yet you still seemed so shocked that I showed up...so what am I supposed to think-"

"Lily...I could never hate you. I just...I didn't know how to face you. After what happened, I still feel like absolute shit... and I still blame myself for it! I was fucking stupid back then! I should have never hugged you at the airport that day! If I would have known a reporter was there-"

"You didn't know, none of us did...so please, stop blaming yourself. Kai, look at me... you've been avoiding me since the concert. I was hoping...that maybe, you and I could-"

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..."

I knew what Lily wanted to say to me, which is why I didn't let her finish her words as I immediately apologized. It just didn't feel right for me to express how we felt with one another, I don't deserve happiness... Lily may have easily moved on with what happened to her. But I haven't, besides...I don't know what this pathetic heart of mine wants. Because even though Lily was holding me in her arms...my heart beat heavily with guilt.

But for who...is the reason for my heart reacting this way just solely out of guilt? Is it because I love Lily? Do I even love her? Just what the hell is going on with my fucking mind! With my emotions running through these chains of sorrow, all I could think of was the longing to hold her. To hear her tender voice...to feel her gentle hands and to have her tell me that everything will be okay...Lily, I'm sorry...but I've come to realize that there's someone else who I've grown close to. And I don't want to hurt her as I did with you...

"Rose..."

"Huh? Did you say something?" 

Zack asked while making his way back inside the house.

"It's nothing...Hey, I think...I'ma call it a night. It's starting to get late and-"

"Just stay the night here-"

"No, I don't think that would be a good idea. With your sister being back in town, I think it's best if she and I stay away from each other." 

I said to him as I rubbed the back of my neck in an uncomfortable motion.