Our Secret Melody✓

Lyric: Sixty-Seven

Kai's POV:

"I've just had about enough of you three! It's been more than a month since we've all come back from tour and you've all been lacking in your work!" 

With Manager Sang shouting in a fit of irritation, I continued to stay silent as all I could do was look at the floor.

It's been a vicious cycle, the sleepless nights, the aching pains, and the unbearable numbness that's been taking over my heart. I haven't been able to create music, nor do I have the energy to even sing. It's as if when Rose left...she took a part of me with her. I find myself unable to even breathe when I'm around others now. It's been horrible, losing the will to even be the leader of this group. My selfishness of putting my feelings first before Zack and Jin... especially Jin. It's been ruining not only our friendship but this company as well...

"Jin, I'm fully aware of why you're not wanting to cooperate at the moment. After we held the private funeral for your mother, I asked you to go see a psychiatrist...the same one that I had Kai go see a few years back. I understand that you went for only one day and decided to cancel on getting any help from them. Why is that?" 

Sang asked sounding concerned as he leaned himself back on his desk.

It's been an hour since our manager has been talking to us in his office, in these past weeks we've all been struggling to make an effort to do the simplest tasks. We've had to cancel photo sessions, meet-greets, and even our recordings. ExEx Idol has grown silent to the media and it was only making the paparazzi along with the news start spreading rumors about us. It made me sick to my stomach, the things that people could easily say without any remorse...how supposedly Zack decided to quit the group due to depression. And how Jin cannot stand being part of ExEx Idol because of the lack of fairness, I guess our fans want Jin to have more camera time. Though right now that's the last thing he would want at the moment...

The loss of his mother has changed him, so much that he has changed completely. I was hoping that maybe after seeing a psychiatrist he would get a little better. But that hasn't been the case, it's like he doesn't want to open up to me or Zack. Let alone some stranger that he doesn't even know. This is all so frustrating! No one knows what we're going through yet they continue to spread lies in magazines. After my group went more global, we've become more of an influence on our fans...and that's become a huge responsibility for us.

"Because I refuse to take any medication...if that psychiatrist only intends to get me medicated. Then I would rather not waste my time."

Jin suddenly explained with a cold expression...

"This needs to stop! Jin, you are not in the right state of mind to not be medicated! How do you expect to work in this condition!? I can't give you boys any more time off than I've already had! The tabloids have been spreading ridiculous stories about all of you! Jin...I'm not asking you to move on from what happened, but I'm asking you to please...try and get through this. As for you, Zack... you've been neglecting your health along with Kai. After having all of you three get checked by your doctors, you and Kai have lost the most weight. I don't understand...just what the hell is going on with all of you? Is there something else that is going on that I don't know about?" 

He asked us with a tiresome sigh, lifting my head, I stared at Jin and Zack who kept their expressionless gaze.

It's almost like looking into a mirror, neglect, and isolation. The sorrows in their hearts show how damaged they are...just like me. On the day I found out Rose had left, I went back home without telling anybody. I wanted to get away from the world, but it was impossible to do that when almost every country knows who you are. The strength I once had, just completely faded. And the anxiety that I've been fighting away, has consumed me entirely. But I don't want it...I don't want to rely on drugs anymore. I'm sick...and tired of having to block everything out! Rose...I am weak without you...