Sacred New Beginnings

Chapter 25 - There's Good In Goodbye

July 28th 2016

It was a long night for the pair, Bella was exhausted but kept waking up so she and Taylor kept taking it in turns to snuggle and care for baby boy. It feels strange not calling him by a name, but it's not Bella's place to give him one, that's down to his parents.

"It's okay, little one," she coos as she lifts him back up against her shoulder, patting his back to try and soothe him. Jenny and Will should be here soon so she's taking every second she can to memorise him. This isn't goodbye and she knows that, but watching him grow up through pictures and videos and getting to see him every now and then - it's not the same as this.

Taylor and Karlie went to get coffee, giving Bella some alone time with the baby before the Coldwells and the adoption lawyer get here. Karlie came back early this morning after going back to the house to get some sleep and check on the cats.

"I'm sorry, bug," she wears a sad smile as she looks down to the innocent little boy in her arms, "I wish I was strong enough to be your mommy, little one," she knows she's got a lot of healing to do and it wouldn't be fair of her to keep him when she can't even take care of herself. "I promise I'll never be far away and I'll always be thinking about you," she shakes her head as she wipes her tears, "all I've done is think about you from day one and you're more perfect than I ever imagined."

Her eyes are locked on his sweet little face as he rests on her legs, his little hand wrapped around her finger. "That's why you're going to have a mommy who has been waiting a long time to love you, bug," she knows Jenny is going to be a better mom to him than she can, she's seen it in the way the woman acts. She's as invested in making sure this baby grows up happy as Bella is, and that's why the couple were so keen on open adoption, he deserves to have access to his history if that's what Bella wants.

"Bells?" Taylor pokes her head around the door as she opens it, spotting the teen on the bed with the baby. "Yeah?" Bella sniffles, wiping her tears as Taylor gives her a sad smile. "My mom's here, can she come in and see you?" Bella nods with an exhausted smile, she didn't expect Andrea to make it out here but she's glad that she has. Taylor called her dad and Austin last night when Bella was sleeping and they met the baby then and got to say their goodbyes. Their whole family has been terrified for this day since Bella made her choice, nobody wants to upset her anymore than she already is.

Taylor steps aside and Andrea is behind her, going straight to her granddaughter's side. "How are you feeling, sweetheart?" She has this natural comforting presence that Taylor seems to have inherited, so as the older woman wraps her in a hug it makes Bella teary, "I'm okay," she sighs, "tired and a little nervous."

Karlie pulls up a seat for her and Andrea sits on one side of Bella as Taylor sits on the other, the model perching at the end of the bed. "Do you wanna hold him?" She looks over to Andrea as she looks away from the baby, Karlie helping pass him over when she accepts.

Bella knows this has got to be just as hard on them as it is on her. Technically this is Taylor's grandson and Andrea's great-grandson, and she knows they'd all support her and adore him if she kept him, but it's not fair on anyone. Taylor is still grieving the baby that she lost and Andrea is still waiting to find out if she's best cancer or not, it wouldn't be fair of her knowing that and knowing that she's still so damaged and needing to rely on them so much - she just couldn't do it. She's made the responsible choice.

"He looks like you, sweetheart," Andrea gives her a soft smile as she squeezes the teen's hand and Bella just smiles back, "yeah, he does."

---

Bella is being so strong and Taylor is so proud of her, but she's still terrified for her little girl. Bella might think that her life is going to go back to normal after this, but it's not going to be that simple and Taylor wishes there was a way for her to stop all of that pain before it starts.