Sacred New Beginnings

Chapter 32 - I love you even at your darkest

September 16th 2016

It's been a week and Bella still hasn't woken up. The doctors are staying positive, constantly reassuring Taylor that each person is different when it comes to how long they take, but the singer is a mess. She's left the hospital three times since Bella was admitted, and only because Karlie or her mom convinced her to. All she does is cry and pray and sit by her little girl's bedside - waiting to see her open her eyes again.

Someone from the first hospital leaked that Taylor Swift's kid had been admitted and bits of information about what happened, so Taylor had her moved somewhere with more privacy within the hour of the story dropping - just barely missing the paparazzi that swarmed after their departure. The media attention made Taylor's phone blow up with calls and messages from loved ones which gave her hope that as soon as Bella is out of here, she'll see how overwhelmingly loved she is. However, the most surprising call came from Jenny and Will who saw the story somewhere online and were really concerned that they may have had a part in pushing Bella to feel as awful as she must've that night.

Taylor wasn't sure how to react to that. On one hand she knows that the adoption hit Bella hard in the aftermath, but on the other she knows that her kid hasn't expressed any wish to reverse it or any regret. It's all so complicated and only Bella truly knows how it's affecting her.

"Here, baby," Karlie hands Taylor what feels like their millionth cup of coffee this week. The model has spent every night at the hospital and spends her days retrieving food and coffee and holding Taylor's hand, trying to keep herself occupied and also making sure that Taylor doesn't neglect her own well-being. "Thanks," the singer gives her an exhausted smile as Karlie takes her place in the seat beside the older woman.

The rest of the Swifts have been trying to go about life as normal, but Scott and Austin both stayed in Nashville - nobody wanting to be far away if anything changes.

"Your mom is coming by with some food in a bit, she told me to tell you that Austin has been hovering for you and she's feeling good so don't try to argue," Taylor wears a sad smile as she nods, she feels guilty that she wasn't there for her mom's treatment this week, but Andrea told her that Bella has to be her priority and it's okay.

Taylor hated seeing the way Bella was laying in that hospital, she looked nothing like her little girl and Taylor didn't want her to wake up and feel even more foreign in her own body and surroundings than she already will. They brought some things from home for her - some of her pyjamas and the penguin she'd been sleeping with every night after Leo was born. Taylor braided her hair for her, mostly to make her feel like she's doing something instead of just sitting here.

"That's Tree, I should take it," Taylor sighs as her phone starts to ring and Karlie squeezes her hand as she gets up to take it outside.

The door closes behind Taylor and Karlie sighs as she moves to sit on the edge of the bed beside Bella, pushing a loose piece of hair out of the teen's eyes as she shakes her head, "we'll be right here, Bells, as long as it takes, okay?" She'd do just about anything to see Bella open her eyes again, "we miss you, sweet girl."

---

The day goes on like every other this week, Andrea came in with some food and stayed for a while, then Austin came by, but after a while there's only so much you have to say.

The doctor came in and when he said that there's still no change, the weight of all of her fear and frustration hit Taylor like a tonne of bricks and the singer broke down. She sobbed in Karlie's arms until she fell asleep and Karlie's been holding her ever since. All they want is to know Bella is going to wake up and be okay, and every day she's lying there is eating away at Taylor.

Karlie was almost asleep too when she heard the rapid beeping and when she looked around, she realised that Bella was grimacing. "Teff," she wakes the blonde the second she realises and the singer startles awake, but soon realises why Karlie woke her.

"Bells? Honey, can you hear me?" She perches on the edge of the bed as she takes the teen's hand, Bella's eyes flicker open and she has a look of fear and confusion in her eyes. She can see the upset on Taylor's face and opens her mouth to try and speak but her mouth is dry and everything hurts. "Here, honey, it's okay," Taylor hands her some water as Karlie rushes out to find someone to come and check on her.

Taylor helps Bella take a few sips of water, "mom..." she takes in her surroundings for the first time - the IV in her hand, her bandaged wrist. "I.." Taylor just shakes her head, wearing a sad smile, "it's okay, sweetheart, everything's gonna be okay."

Karlie comes back with Bella's doctor and she moves to Bella's other side as he introduces himself to the teen and tells her that he just needs to do a couple of exams to make sure everything's okay and there are no lasting effects from the coma.

"Hi, sweetheart," Karlie smiles as strokes the teenager's cheek, "you gave us quite a scare," Bella looks between the two women, "I'm so sorry, I wasn't... I didn't wanna..." Taylor squeezes her hand, "we know, darling, and we'll do everything we can to make sure you never feel that bad ever again, okay?" Bella tears up as she nods and Taylor squeezes her hand three times.

She needs Bella to know that she's not angry with her. The only emotions that Taylor can even process towards Bella at the moment are the love she has for her kid and the fear she has of losing her. Anything else is irrelevant.

"I'll go and call your parents and Austin," Karlie gives Taylor a comforting smile, she knows the blonde won't want to move from Bella's side for even a second. "Everyone is going to be so relieved you're okay, Bells," the model leaves a gentle kiss on the fragile girl's forehead and then slips out of the room to make those phone calls. She wants to believe that all the fear and anxiety will be gone now that Bella's awake, but she already knows it's not going to be that easy.

---

Bella's initial exam was positive, but the doctor decided to send her for a CT just to be totally certain and that was good too. It was a huge relief to everyone hearing that she's going to be okay, that's all that matters to the people who love her.

Because of the sensitive nature of the case, they're bringing a psychiatrist to speak to Bella in the morning. The teen is nervous about that because she doesn't want anyone to think that she did this on purpose and they end up taking her away from Taylor, but the singer was quick to reassure her that she won't let that happen. The whole purpose of it is to get to the bottom of these feelings and find the best way to help her through it, not to make things worse by removing her from the only safe home she's ever known.

"You've been here the whole week?" When Taylor told Bella that she's been out for a week, the teen was shocked. "Karlie has too, she left New York the night we found you and she's barely left since." Taylor wears a sad smile as she looks over to Karlie, the model asleep on the cot that a nurse brought in for Taylor the other day - she's been so stressed about Taylor and Bella that she barely slept all week, she spent most nights holding Taylor and making sure Bella was still breathing.

"I'm sorry, mom, I didn't mean to scare you guys," Bella feels awful for everything that's happened. She was trying to make them worry less, not more. "We know, sweetheart, I'm just sorry you felt so bad and didn't think you could come to me about it," Bella frowns as she sighs, "it wasn't like that, mom, I just... I wanted things to be normal again. All you and Karlie do is worry about me, it's not fair on you."

Taylor just gives Bella a sad smile, "it's my job to worry about you, that's what moms do. Never hide anything from me again, Bells, we can get through anything together, okay?" The teen nods as she hugs her mom a little tighter. "I love you, mom, I'm so sorry," Taylor just sighs as she leaves a soft kiss on Bella's forehead, "I love you more than the entire world, Isabella."