Sacred New Beginnings

Chapter 17 - Unsteady

April 30th 2016

It's been nearly two weeks since the miscarriage and Taylor is still in a lot of pain mentally but her physical symptoms have passed. Andrea flew out to LA to be with them whilst Taylor did her Vogue interview, and the singer suppressed her pain for as long as the camera crew were there, but the miscarriage has been debilitating and heartbreaking for Taylor to go through.

"Taylor?" Bella peers around the door to the music room and draws Taylor's attention to her. "Hey honey, is everything alright?" The singer has been distant and sad lately and nobody is surprised. "I'm going to my appointment, Karlie's coming with me," Taylor nods sadly, she knows she needs to be braver for Bella, but they all agree that for now it's probably easier for her to sit out of prenatal appointments.

"I'll see you in a couple of hours," she gets up to hug the teenager, "I love you so much." Taylor's anxiety is far worse than it was before and she worries a lot about Bella. "I'll be fine, I've got Karlie and we're meeting Jenny there," she tries to give Taylor a reassuring smile, but they both know how much she worries especially about the adoption.

"I love you too," the teenager gives in and wraps her Foster mom in a warm hug. They stay like that for a few minutes and then Taylor let's her go, telling Bella that she has to go or she'll be late.

The teen reluctantly does as she's told and leaves the apartment, security meeting her to walk her down to Karlie's car. "Are you okay?" The model laughs as the teen struggles to get in and Bella nods as she laughs too. "How is she?" Karlie has been giving Taylor her space, she's been working a lot but she didn't want to force her best friend into talking if she didn't want to.

"She's sad and she's been writing a lot, but I think she's doing as well as can be expected," Karlie drives away from the apartment as she nods, "how are you doing? I know it must have been scary, especially with the little guy on the way." Bella looks down to her hands resting on her bump, "yeah, I suppose it made me realise how much I'm giving up. Taylor was so heartbroken to lose her baby and I'm just handing him over to someone else as if it's nothing."

She feels guilty even asking Taylor to be there when she gives birth. She hates seeing the woman in so much pain and Bella can't even begin to imagine how much harder it'll be watching her hand him over, she doesn't want to make things worse.

"That's not true at all, Bells, they're very different situations and there is just as much love involved in both cases." Karlie glances over to the teen and squeezes Bella's knee, "Taylor doesn't think that you love your baby any less because you chose adoption, and this situation just makes her realise how much you love him and yet you're still going to go through the same kind of pain to give him and yourself a better life."

Bella nods, stroking her bump gently to try and comfort herself and the wiggly baby. "What if I'm not doing the right thing?" Karlie is intrigued by the new revelation coming from the teenager since she's been so dead set on adoption for months now. However, she has a feeling that seeing what Taylor is going through is starting to scare her a little. "You're allowed to change your mind if you're having second thoughts, Bella, he's your baby until you sign those papers."

The teenager doesn't say anything else after that, she just nods as she let's a million things fly through her head.

---

"You're getting so big, Izzy! You look so good," Jenny takes the girl in her arms as they meet the woman in the waiting room. Bella flinches at the sound of the nickname. He used to call her that, and Taylor has been desensitising her to it but hearing it come from anyone else feels uncomfortable.

"Thanks," she shies into Karlie's side as she feels herself falling back into herself, and Karlie wraps a protective arm around Bella, knowing her triggers. "Shall we sit?" Karlie urges Bella to move as she sits on one side of Bella and Jenny sits on the other.