Sacred New Beginnings

Chapter 24 - Innocent

July 27th 2016

"Bells? Are you awake?" Taylor speaks gently as she makes her way into the room and the teen opens her eyes as she nods. Sleep just isn't her friend tonight. "How are you feeling, sweetheart?" The singer perches on the side of the bed as she brushes loose strands of hair out of the younger girl's face. "I'm tired and sore but Natalie gave me some painkillers so she said it should get better soon," Taylor nods as she smiles gently back at Isabella, this scene is far too reminiscent of the night they met.

"Honey, we need to talk, okay?" Bella immediately stiffens. "What's wrong?" She frowns as her heart pounds, she knew something like this was going to happen, she just knew it. Taylor sighs, "the storm has stopped the pilot from being able to take off, I spoke to Jenny and the pilot and it's looking like there won't be any way for them to get here until tomorrow."

She nods, staring at her fidgeting hands in front of her as her eyebrows knit together in a subtle frown. For months she'd anticipated having maybe an hour with her son before handing him over, she hasn't mentally prepared herself for a nearly a whole day.

"The doctors are almost done checking him out, but we don't have to bring him here straight away and he doesn't need to be here the whole time, honey." Taylor is terrified of how this is going to affect Bella, she wants nothing more than for her girl to find every happiness in life. She's been so set on adoption for months and she's been preparing for this day and how hard it's going to be, and now it's all been thrown into chaos.

"You don't have to see him again tonight if it's too much, Bells, Karlie is with him so he won't be alone," Bella shakes her head as she looks up to her mom, "he should be here with us. Even if he's not coming home with me, I want him to know that he's loved here too." Taylor's heart softens a little as she reads the worry in Bella's eyes, "okay, sweetheart."

Bella knows this will probably make handing him over even harder, but one day she might hurt a little less knowing that she spent every second with him possible while he is still hers.

---

"Is she doing okay?" Karlie walks with Taylor as they head up to Bella's recovery room with the baby, the nurse pushing his little bassinet. "She's exhausted and scared, but she's being so much stronger than I could be at her age in her position," Taylor gives her best friend a sad smile and Karlie nods in agreement, "I'm terrified how much it's going to hurt her once we go home and reality hits."

Taylor has been by Bella's side from day one and she made sure the teen had every ounce of information on every one of her options that she possibly could, and she supports Bella's decision to give the baby up for adoption because she thinks it's what's best for her, but the woman is so scared that Bella is going to sign these papers and then The Coldwells will take him home and Bella will realise that maybe this isn't what she wants and it may be too late.

"You know what the lawyer said, she has sixty days after signing the papers to change her mind and she can revoke consent," Taylor sighs as she nods, she just has a strange feeling about all of this and she has for months now.

They get to Bella's room and Karlie squeezes Taylor's hand as she takes a deep breath and then they open the door, holding it for the nurse pushing the bassinet. "He's okay?" Bella looks exhausted and scared and small as she sits in her hospital bed and it breaks their hearts, "he's was a little small but totally healthy," she hears Karlie's words but she can't take her eyes off of the newborn - he's so small.

"You can hold him if you'd like to?" She considers the offer as she frowns, "I won't hurt him? He's so little..." she's never seen a human being so small before, he looks so delicate and she only held him for a few minutes before they had to go to the hospital. "You won't hurt him, I promise," the woman chuckles as she lifts the tiny baby from the bassinet. She shows Bella how to hold him and once she's comfortable the nurse steps back and let's her do it alone.

Tears fill her eyes as she gets her first proper look at the baby. She searches every feature of his little face but she can't see anything that makes her stomach twist with the same kind of fear or hurt that she anticipated. "You're so innocent," she whispers as she holds him close, so scared of dropping him or hurting him. She let's him wrap his tiny fist around her finger as she breathes out, finally letting go of a breath she hadn't even realised she was holding. He hasn't done anything wrong, he's just another victim in this.

"He's so beautiful, mom," she looks up to Taylor who's trying her best not to show the sadness in her smile. "He is, Bells, he's a beautiful little guy," she runs her fingers over the little amounts of hair on his head, "he looks like you, sweetheart."

Taylor is perched on the edge of the bed beside Bella and Karlie is sat on the armchair, both women sticking close to Bella.

"What if he doesn't remember me?" Her voice is small as she keeps her eyes on the baby, part of her terrified that she'll forget his face when she hands him over. She just wants to stare at him as long as she can. "You'll still be part of his life, Bells, he'll never forget you because you'll still be there," Karlie reaches out and squeezes the teen's knee, "he'll always be part of you, Bella."

The one condition that she had for the adoption was that she wants it to be open. She couldn't walk away knowing that there's a part of her in the world that she'd never know. Even if it's just through pictures and letters, he'll know her and she'll know him.

---

Bella was exhausted but she didn't want the baby to be alone for even a second so while Karlie went back to the house to check on the cats, Taylor offered to stay at the hospital so Bella can get some sleep and baby boy won't be alone.

"It's okay, little guy, your mommy's right there - she's just exhausted from carrying you and bringing you into this world." She smiles sadly as she paces with the newborn in her arms, trying to keep him content so Bella can sleep for a while. "She's taken the best care of you that she could for the last nine months, little one, and she loves you so much," all she sees when she looks into his little face is Bella. From the colour of his hair to the little dimple in his left cheek. He's like a carbon copy of his mom and that's what Bella saw when she looked at him too, but she still has so much fear and hurt in her heart.

Taylor sighs as she takes a seat in the rocking chair in the corner of the room. She's pretty sure she looks like the walking dead at this point, she's been up for nearly twenty four hours, but she wants to be here for whatever her little girl needs.

"You're loved, sweet boy, oh so loved," she smiles as she tries not to cry, she knew this day was going to be difficult - but she never realised she'd struggle this much. She knows she has to be strong for Bella, but seeing her little girl hurting and having to say goodbye to another baby - it just brings back painful memories and feelings that she doesn't have the time to think about, not today.

She watches the baby, rocking him until he falls asleep in her arms. He's fed and changed and now he's sleeping so she carefully puts him down in the bassinet beside her sleeping daughter.

Bella looks so peaceful when she sleeps and Taylor wishes she didn't have to wake up to the world of hurt that's waiting for her when she sun rises. The storm settled and the Coldwells will be here some point tomorrow morning. Bella is determined that this is the best thing for her baby but Taylor knows it's gonna rip her little girl to pieces all over again when she hands him over.