Last First Kiss | JJ Maybank OBX

32. Positive

I lock my phone and set it on the nightstand before cuddling into my pillow. I look at JJ, who has been silent for a while. We had some sexy time earlier and ended up staying in bed after. It's now 1 p.m. and JJ is staring intently at the tv.

"You've been quiet for the past hour, is something wrong?" I ask him, watching as he immediately snaps out of his thoughts and looks at me.

He shrugs his shoulders. "I can't stop thinking about you and Rafe," he admits, looking almost annoyed.

"Wanna talk about it?" I ask, knowing it's best to talk things out instead of letting it build up and cause a major fight in the future.

He nods. "I feel like you run to Rafe for comfort anytime things get hard between us," he says,
clenching his jaw and spitting out exactly what he's been thinking about.

I open my mouth to deny it but take a minute to collect my thoughts instead. I know how important this conversation is to JJ; he despises Rafe and he deserves to feel secure in our relationship.

"In a way, yeah. I went to him for comfort both times things got really bad between you and I. I knew he would be there for me in those times when you weren't. I'm not proud of it; I know how bad it looks, me running to him after something bad happens with you. But I swear it's not like that; it never was. A part of me was holding onto him in hopes he would turn into the guy I once knew. I knew he'd comfort me in my hardest times because you weren't there to. I'm not blaming you or saying it's your fault but the truth is you had broken my heart both times I was with Rafe. He helped me feel okay for a little bit. I never felt whole or complete, just okay," I admit, trying to put into words why I ran to Rafe in those tough moments. It's hard to articulate something I'm not even 100 percent sure of myself, but the one thing I know without a doubt is that I don't run to Rafe out of love, desire, or anything other than the need for someone to be there for me. "I need you to know that I wouldn't go to him now, not after everything we've been through. We're so much stronger now than we were when I relied on him. I'm not running away from you or our problems anymore, and I trust you won't either. I'm sorry if my past with Rafe has caused you to doubt how much I love you," I finish my explanation, looking in his eyes for a reaction or response.

JJ runs his hands through his hair like he does when he's thinking. "I guess I'm just nervous you're gonna run to him if I fuck up again. I'm trying to be a better man for you but I don't have much experience in the relationship department. I fuck up all the time and I'm scared you're gonna end up back in his bed," he admits after collecting his thoughts for a few seconds.

I sit up and scoot closer to him, looking down at his face and tousling his hair a bit. "I'm not going anywhere. I've grown so much since the last time I was with Rafe, so have you. We're learning and growing together as a couple and I'd never do anything to jeopardize that. I hate that you're even doubting me/us; all I want is for you to trust and believe me when I say I'm yours and only yours forever," I say.

We sit in silence for what feels like hours before JJ cracks a smile and pulls me down to him by grabbing my waist. I cuddle into his chest and look up at him, getting lost in his blue eyes. "There's something else I've been thinking about a lot recently," he says, looking in my eyes. His expression is curious and playful, so I smile and urge him to continue. "Since John B started dating Sarah, we all grew close to her. One of the things we've all come to know about the kook princess is that she has a secret talent," he says, an unreadable expression now on his face. He looks almost... nervous?

"And what is this secret talent of Sarah's?" I ask, impatiently waiting for an answer.

"She can tell when someone is pregnant," he says, completely serious. I start laughing, telling him how he's funny and good joke, but he doesn't falter. He looks at me with the same serious expression so I stop laughing. "She predicted five pregnancies in the past year. She's scary accurate when it comes to babies," he explains, playing with my fingers.