Last First Kiss | JJ Maybank OBX

12. Last First Kiss

~ A month later ~

The last 4 weeks have gone by excruciatingly slow. JJ has been giving me space, allowing me to get over Rafe without any distractions. He's been sleeping on the couch, despite how badly I want him in my bed. It's what's best until I know I'm 100% over Rafe. John B and I have been spending a lot of time together, talking and goofing around like normal. We're in a great place; I missed being idiots together. I've been going to the beach any chance I get, usually with Kie or Sarah. We've had a lot of girls nights at Kie's house, always talking about boys. They confide in me about their relationships, and I confide in them about my feelings for JJ and Rafe. I've been avoiding Tannyhill at all costs. I've seen Rafe around town a few times, but I either ignore him or leave.

All I've had is time: time to think, time to realize, and time to understand. I realized that Rafe was my childhood crush that I was holding onto because it was safe. I grew up liking him, so I was comfortable. JJ is the risky choice. He's my best friend, and if we get involved, it could end terribly. We could lose everything, and I was terrified of that. But after all my talks with the girls, I've allowed myself to accept that I have feelings for JJ. He's the man of my dreams, and I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't love him. I've always loved him, but I know now how deeply I mean that. I'm in love with JJ, and I've been coming to terms with that realization and figuring out how to tell him.

The most I've seen JJ in the past month has been when he's sleeping. I'll go out to the kitchen in the middle of the night to get water or a snack, and he'll be asleep. We haven't had a conversation since the night he told me his feelings. I wanted to shout back "I'm in love with you too" that night, but I couldn't. I needed time and space, and he gave me that. It's now been 4 weeks since that night, and I've never been more ready to tell him how I feel. My heart is completely, 100 hundred percent, his.

I wake up at 8 a.m, having trouble sleeping. I stayed up until 3 a.m. last night on group FaceTime with Kie and Sarah. I had to come up with the perfect way to tell JJ my feelings, and as a team, we did.

I sit up in bed and take a deep breath. "This is gonna be the best day of your life," I say to myself before getting out of bed and standing in front of my mirror in the bathroom. "You're gonna be brave and vulnerable," I say, pointing at myself in the mirror. I'm hoping this pep talk to myself will give me the confidence I need to pull this off. I start the shower and play my One Direction playlist, needing all the good vibes I can get. I hop in the shower, shaving and exfoliating, making sure I'm ready for whatever the day may bring. I wash my face and brush my hair before wrapping a towel around my body and going out to my room. I turn the music up on my phone, letting myself get carried away with the music as I dance around my room in just a towel. I go to my closet and pick out my outfit for the day, knowing exactly what I want to wear. I put on one of JJ's 1000 white T-shirt's and tie it into a knot, then put on denim shorts and white converse. I wrap a white bandana around my wrist and dance my way back into my room, screaming the lyrics to Midnight Memories as I walk into the bathroom to do my hair and makeup. I put my hair in a high ponytail and put on some mascara and lip gloss, having a good skin day. I check myself out in the mirror, dancing and having a good time before walking back into my room, having a mini heart attack when I see JJ sitting on my bed. I let out a little squeal, not expecting him to be in my room.

He looks up from his phone in shock from my squeal before laughing and standing up in front of me. "Why are you screaming along to One Direction at 9 in the morning?" he asks as I look at the time, seeing it's now 9:30.

I shrug my shoulders, "no reason. No reason at all," I say, trying to calm myself down. We haven't been alone, especially in my room alone, since the night he told me he's in love with me. I feel like a nervous little girl talking to her crush... well I kind of am.