You Make My Home [Wonhui]

Change + Thoughts

hellooo it's been awhile, hasn't it?

don't worry, i am not dead.

surely, i disappear a lot, but i am not close to death just yet.

well... i think i should say some things, especially about my absence (especially for the ones who wait for so long) and overall my own personal feelings, and what i will do.

for awhile, i've been on and off with writing. yes, i realized that i barely update.

yes, i realized that people still support me despite the long absence of the author.

did it worry me? yes, it did. but, for these past months, i had forgotten the responsibility to update. not because i am irresponsible, but for my own sake.

overtime, the more popularity my books had received... it definitely taken a toll on my motivation. my own passion became pressure on myself, as i believe that i should make a new chapter on assigned days that i had organized.

but, i sometimes sit... typing away... and i realized that making these chapters had made me forget about what passion is.

i didn't enjoy writing, anymore.

i realized it every time i wrote a new chapter and posted it. despite the support, i still felt disappointed with it.

writing is a hobby/passion of mine. i am supposed to enjoy and love it.

it is something that keeps me sane since i believe that literacy is better to express than openly and directly. i wouldn't say i am quiet, but speaking out with true emotions has always been a difficulty for me and i had used writing to understand myself better.

there is many times where my own emotions had been indirectly addressed in the characters that are portrayed within my story. and i know, many of my readers had felt the same exact pain, despite our own differences or similarities; it is nice to not feel alone for a period of time.

it is heartwarming to know that many people enjoy my stories, as i've spent so much time and my own heart on my works. of course, i am only a amateur writer and in the future, i do not want to be an official writer. although, i like for people to recognize me for my talent, but being an author is not in my interest.

i know, i've been working quietly (despite the occasional messages on the message board) and sometimes updating (once in a damn blue moon); i felt the need to talk to you, my audience, especially when i have another thought in mind.

i cherish these stories, and of course, some of the stories' plot can be disappointing to me. there are many times where i want to rewrite everything. if that is going to happen, i know it will take a long time, and so... i will not rewrite but only edit the chapters that need some fixing up since there is some mistakes/errors.

but, in the future, i hope i can let myself free from the stress and pressure i put myself in. i suppose, this is a redemption for me and i want to start over.

no, i will not leave Wattpad.

despite the whole drama surrounding the dumb tangerine/orange app (what a damn eyesore), i will not leave mainly because this app has been a place for me to freely express ever since. although, my old ass acc is still here and it is very... cringe-worthy... i've seen my improvement since the very beginning and i had realized that way before, i enjoyed writing.

despite how badly written it was... i enjoyed it no matter what. every second of it was a sense of accomplishment and passion.

trust me, i enjoy writing, but i definitely lost the spark of passion intertwined with accomplishing.