Tanner's Torment (Kingston Series #2) ✔️

Chapter 4

**(Edited)**

Ellie's POV

I can't sleep, it's 11:00 P.M and I can't. I just can't sleep and it's because I'm thinking of Tanner. It's sad that I saw him one time and he's already thrown my life for a loop. I hate that this is how I feel. I love my kids, with all my heart and I hate hating their father because I know I need to. I don't want to be heartbroken but somewhere deep inside of me I know he would never do anything to harm me. I just can't describe how I feel, I just don't know.

I have to get up. I walk into the small kitchen and grab one of the kids plastic cups and fill it up with water. I take a sip and sit down on the kitchen floor. I guess I could give him a chance but I don't want to be that mom, the one that's children meet a different man every week to call daddy. I hate when women do that but this isn't about me. It's about my little girl, and my strong little guy.

I love them so fucking much, I thought I would resent having kids by Tanner after we ended and I was pregnant but I don't. I cried when I held them in my arms for the first time and I promised myself that I was going to be the best mom I could be. I never had a mother so I don't want that for my children. I can't do that to them because I know I'd die for them.

I take a small sip of the water and then stand up. I walk down the small hallway to the babies room and crack the door. I watch Tatum sleep on her belly and Turner reminds me so much of Tanner it's scary. Tanner used to sleep just like he's doing now, his hand is under his pillow while his other one is spread across the side of his bed. His mouth is wide open and I smile as he holds his favorite stuffed football beside him. Tatum has a stuffed dog that she sleeps with and I can't help but smile as I look at them. I walk to the laundry room next and grab the clothing and start folding. I hate that they wear the same outfits each week. It's my fault that I can't afford more and I know I need to get another job or I'm going to sink.

I can barely pay rent, groceries, and everyday stuff. I almost cried whenever I went to a thrift store that had a dress Tatum loved. She wanted it so bad and I couldn't even afford to get it for her, it felt like my heart was crushed. I hated it so, so much because it was so beautiful and I know she would have looked so good in it. She ended up getting a different one but I wanted that one for her so bad. It was beautiful and still had the tags on, it was brand new.

Then, Turner wanted a new football shirt that was for Alabama. He didn't know, he just liked the color and looking at it brought back way to many memories that he got a different one instead. One that was only a few cent, along with Tatum.

I fold up the clothing and take them to their room. I place them in the small dresser and clean up the floor quickly. I try to get up some toys and then I kiss them both in the head before walking back to my room. I lay down the bed and open the blind to see the brick wall on the other the side of it. I hate this place, all the windows have a horrible view but beggars can't be choosers.

"Mommy?" I hear as I turn and see Turner holding his football in his little pajamas.

"What's wrong baby?" I whisper as I walk over and grab him in my arms and sit down with him on my very small bed. I cover him up right next to me as I hold him into my side.

I rub his head as I look into his big and beautiful eyes, "I hear you" he tells me back as I nod. I didn't think he could because he's such a heavy sleeper.

I kiss his head as he rests on top of my lap and boob. "I'm sorry, Mommy couldn't sleep" I tell him as I rub his back and legs. I love my boy so much, he's a little bad boy but sometimes he's like this and I love it.

"Why?" he asks as I rub his face. I can't tell him it's because of his father.

"I'm just not sleepy." I whisper as I kiss his cheek as he rubs it off.