The Turbulence✔️ (#1 in the Our Side of The Dice series)

15: The Conflicted.

"Was it because I didn't defend you the other day at volleyball? Jeez. I'm sorry. I wasn't in the mood and was caught up in my problems. Also, you didn't let me hear the other side of the story. If I had taken your side without knowing your opponent's side of the story, I wouldn't have been acting fairly," I explain. 

"Oh wow." The tone in his voice which is always calm per status quo rises above its typical pitch. He's getting angry. "But you yelled at me when I called you and tried to explain my side of the story. I'm not against you hearing my opponent's side of the story, but do you know how I felt when you yelled at me in front of everyone? The players laughed at me!"

"But you know I won't yell at you for no reason," I scratch my forehead in frustration. "You weren't explaining yourself properly that day. You constantly touched my arm, trying to pull me out from where I was sitting. You were talking too loudly, and you didn't give me the time to process—"

"You? Yell at me for a reason? When has that ever happened? Now you are here to talk to me about your mood. What do I care about your mood? You always let your emotions rule over you. I couldn't wait for you to process my side of the story that day because it didn't look like you had my time, and you proved it by yelling at me and pushing me away. That's what you do best – transfer your negative emotions to others. You are not the first person to go through a hard time."

Zion never says more than two sentences most of the time, and extreme happiness doesn't make him compromise. If he was very thankful for something and needed to express his love, he always said, "love you," not "I love you." Whenever he goes beyond his limit, it's often because he has the meanest words to say, and his words are enraging enough to make me cry in front of him for the second time in two weeks.

"Why are you saying these harsh words to me?"

"Really? Are you going to let your emotions cloud your common sense again? I'm the one who is hurt right now! I will always defend you in your absence to anyone who dares to badmouth you, but you always think about your emotions."

"Do you realize I'm your older sister, and you shouldn't talk to me rudely?" My sadness is beginning to morph into anger.

It's as though a reset button has been pressed in my brain, and I'm beginning to realize that Zion shouldn't even be telling me that I lack common sense in the first place. Where the hell are his manners?

"This isn't about you and being my older sister."

"Yes, it is! There's a way to say these things. You won't open your mouth to tell mom she's not using her common sense, will you? So what makes you think that I'm less deserving of your courtesy?" 

He doesn't say anything. Instead, he looks away. He's grinding his teeth and breathing heavily. I'm waiting for him to apologize, but his mouth remains clamped shut like a block of granite, and I can't even hide my frustration.

"You lack empathy. You are insensitive, and you are nasty. I literally apologized to you for not taking your side, and I went ahead to give my explanation. But you're not even trying to understand where I'm coming from. I intended on apologizing again anyway. But you're rude and badly behaved. And that's your loss."

I rise from his bed, walk out, and shut the door.

I rest my back on the wall once I'm out of his rook, and I close my eyes, processing what just happened. Why on earth would he accuse me of being selfish? If I were truly interested in making everything about me and my emotions, I wouldn't want to know what was wrong with Gaius. I would have been mad at him for giving me an attitude.

Why would my brother, of all people, think I'm selfish? Despite the times when I had his back? It's crazy how good deeds fly out the window so quickly, with zero power to bail you out when you make a single mistake.

The fact that I didn't even realize immediately why he was being cold to me should have made him understand that I wasn't my usual self that day. His words hurt me so much, and I'm beginning to second-guess myself. I wonder if I'm really someone who lets her emotions cloud her ability to think appropriately.

I feel bad for yelling at him in the presence of his teammates like that. Heck, I even told him I was sorry on that day and paid for his lunch as a peace offering. Maybe he wanted a public apology since I'd humiliated him in the presence of people. Still, it doesn't warrant that he talks to me this way.

I open my eyes and shrug. He's my brother. He'll come around. He'll need me for something and won't have a choice but to approach me. Perhaps, I might be petty enough to retaliate. I deserve an apology too. I detach myself from the wall and make my way to my room.

Then I hear someone knocking. I peep through the small mirror on the door and see Mrs. Karen bobbing her head to an unknown rhythm as she waits for someone to respond. I sigh for the umpteenth time and use the back of my mind to wipe off my tears.

Wrong timing. I wonder why she always comes when Zion and I are fighting.

"Dear!"  Mrs. Karen screams and grabs my shoulders as soon as I open the door. I want to yank off her hands, but she's too beautiful for harsh treatment. I can't afford to feel any more guilty than I already do. I force a fake smile and exchange pleasantries with her.

"Are you okay?" She searches my eyes. "Why are you crying?!"

She didn't even bother to ask if I'd been crying. I can't escape the question. I wonder how she could tell. Didn't I wipe the tears off my face to perfection?

I'm tempted to rack my brain and formulate every kind of believable lie that exists and choose which one takes the cake. And although I'm not going to tell her Zion is the reason why I'm crying, I'm thinking of telling her about Gaius.

After all, Gaius' moodiness has been a great cause of concern for me. Besides, she knows I have a boyfriend, and so far, my mum hasn't called me to confirm any information.

"It's about my boyfriend. He's been moody lately and doesn't want to tell me about what's troubling him, and it bothers me so much. I hate to see him devastated."

"Oh wow. You don't need to cry over that, okay? It's a problem that can easily be solved, " she caresses my face gently and wipes off any remnant of tears left on my cheeks.

If any other person had said that, I would have snapped at them and asked them to be my guest. But there's something about Mrs. Karen's hyperactive behavior and bright blue eyes that seem to assure me that, indeed, my troubles will come to naught within a short time. Now I know why my mother chose this woman as her best buddy.