The Turbulence✔️ (#1 in the Our Side of The Dice series)

15: The Conflicted.

Gift
Lagos, Nigeria

Gaius hasn't for once tried to text, call, or meet with me ever since he's been exhibiting strange, melancholic behavior. It's disconcerting. I can't count the times I've stared at my phone, hoping he'd call me back or respond to my voicemail. The palpitations I got with each hopeful expectation were unbearable.

I can't jump to conclusions by thinking he's doing well without me. I know it's not the case. It seems he's avoiding me because he's hiding something from me. He's hoping I'll get tired of trying to know what's going on with him.

I'm not giving up, though, and I thought he knew this well about me. 

Still,  I'm not sure how to go about comforting Gaius. I don't know how to make him open up to me because, in as much as I'm bothered by his gloominess, I know that he's in a more distressed state. This is why I've tried to be considerate by keeping my distance. Still, what if something fatal comes out of this detachment between us? What if it makes fall out of love for each other? What if it builds resentment? I don't want to keep a distance that will result in something beyond my power.

I can't wait to see him again. The only thing that's stopping me is this nerve-wracking cluelessness. I have to look for a way to make him open up to me.

In addition to this quest, I've been conflicted about what emotion I'm supposed to feel. Should I feel worried about his mental and emotional state? Or should I remain confused and consumed by the myriad of questions I have? Should I be hopeful for better days?

Should I be crazily optimistic enough to believe that this is just a phase that will pass? Should I persevere?  Or should I be realistic and keep feeling apprehensive because I know deep down that Gaius will not remain the person I used to know for a long time?

Having to even analyze these thoughts one by one is exhausting. Thankfully today's Sunday, and I'm at home, meaning I can talk to Zion about my problems.

As much as I hate my younger brother's guts, I must admit that he gives good counsel. I hope he doesn't give a cold attitude or throw a tantrum like he did last week, though.

The cross of sibling relationships is sometimes an excruciatingly painful one to carry.

Walking into his room, even after knocking at the door, elicits a sharp glare from him. But he's quick to turn back to his TV screen — as if it wasn't a human being or a living thing that had just entered his premises. I ignore his behavior and sit on his bed. I've decided that I won't let his attitude affect my mood.

"Zion, I want to talk to you about something."

There is no response. He is still looking at the TV screen. The only audible sound is his finger forcefully clicking on his video game control.

"It's about my mood lately. Zion, please, Stop being a jerk, " I try again after licking my lip, anxious and losing my patience faster than I'd determined.

"Oh, So I'm being the jerk now." The word seems to get his attention.

He puts his video game control aside and looks at me. His eyebrows are raised. I can't mark out the expression on his face since the only source of illumination in the room is the rays of blue light glowing from the video game aesthetic, but I can tell that this isn't going to go well.

What on earth have I done now?

"What do you mean now, Zion?" my eyebrows come together in confusion as I wonder why he's being so cold.

Shortly after, though, the answer comes to me, and I sigh. I forgot my brother doesn't forgive easily - even if you shed tears of blood. Here we go again.