The Highest Learning

Chapter 9-Diane Springer's Lecture Hall

Pudge usually sat in the back of the class, but today he is sitting in the front row while wearing his MAGA, or Make America Great Again hat, because this was the punishment he received from his friends for losing a bet. The bet he lost was if he could chug 3 beers in 15 seconds.

Men sometimes think it's funny to punish each other, so making Pudge wear that hat to a proud pussyhat wearing extreme liberal's class, like Professor Springer's, was going to be hilarious when she shat all over him for expressing views that didn't align with her own. If he only had finished that last half a beer, none of the following events would have ever happened. It was still impressive to finish two and a half beers in 15 seconds, but not enough to pardon him from the punishment that was about to be laid upon him.

Professor Springer begins her preplanned lecture addressing the class. She sees the hat. Boy oh boy, did she see that fucking unmistakable red hat with white lettering, and she's pissed as hell.

She has the hate of a thousand suns boiling in her blood, which could probably be dispersed a little if she did a little exercise once in a while. No amount of exercise or repeating of mantras was going to calm her down for the duration of the class, so long as he was wearing that fucking hat! But she can't waste time by addressing him individually at this time.

She pretends not to notice as she continues on about how the military industrial complex and men of the patriarchy are obsessed with war. She gives shocking statistics about domestic violence, which really are horrifying. Really, it isn't only men who are obsessed with war, but people.

Yes, football is metaphor for war, but just as many metaphorical wars have been started by women talking negatively about one another's clothing, as any of the Real Housewives of Whatever City They're In on Bravo TV can tell you. War isn't a man thing, it's a person thing. Humans are primates and primates sometimes fight with each other.

Although men tend to get into violent confrontations far more often than women, and men commit most of the violent acts against women, women can be just as ruthless if they want to be. Women have no problem breaking all the unwritten rules of street fighting, because there is no "guy code" amongst women during a catfight. Scratching, biting, eye gauging, hairpulling, and hitting someone with a foreign object, like a high heel, are all fair game.

Many of these tactics weren't even allowed in the original UFC 1, which had far less rules and was even more brutal than today's UFC, which speaks to its violence. Professor Springer is right that women, in general are less violent than men, but when they do lose control and get violent...Watch out! She is about to show Pudge exactly what a woman scorned looks like.

Professor Springer is naming violent men throughout the history of time to punctuate her point. She is speaking loudly and proudly, almost screaming. She says a man's name, pauses, and then, shouts, "War". It is very passionate and intense.

"Ghengis Khan...War!...Alexander the Great...War!...Napoleon Bonaparte...War!...Benito Mussolini...War!...Adolph Hitler...War!..."

She takes a long pause and reaches down her pants before pulling out her hand, her fingers now soaked in menstrual blood. She is looking directly at Pudge and walking toward him. Her beady eyes are directed right at his, as she continues in a full yell, directed right at him, "Donald Trump!..."

She swipes her fingers underneath his eyes to replicate war paint. The name Pudge is becoming more fitting, because he's starting to look even more like the 90's baseball player, Ivan Rodriguez, bearing the same nickname. He's wearing a baseball cap and now has blood smeared under his eyes, similar to how baseball players put charcoal under their eyes to keep the sun out.

It's a powerful display designed to get Pudge and the rest of the class to think about how violence has been perpetrated not just in wars, but individually by men against one another and women for thousands of years. She's begins crying when she screams her next line only a few inches from his face, "...War!..."

Professor Springer is in full tears in this moving performance that has most of her students compelled to cry too, except Pudge who has the look of terror in his eyes that are staring blankly back at her. She's bawling in Pudge's face trying to get him to understand the struggle of women throughout time through her crying eyes.

Pudge isn't quite getting that message. He's in complete shock and is deeply humiliated. If there were ever a chance he'd score with any chicks in that class, Professor Springer just literally and figuratively wiped it away with blood.

She reaches back down into her pants and pulls out some more period blood. It is quite ironic that she's screaming about war, while instigating a war of her own. She leans forward almost nose to nose with Pudge, so her face and bloody hand are a mere inches away from him. She screams at the top of her lungs, "THE PATRIARCHY!...", as she moves her hand forward to paint another line of "war paint" on his forehead.

Pudge sees this one coming though. He's not going to let her do it again. Fuck that! It's gone too far. She didn't need to prove her point to him by smearing more nasty blood, unfertilized egg, and uterine lining all over his face. That's crossing the line, or in this case, uterine lining.

Pudge winds up, just like the pro baseball catcher getting ready to throw a runner out attempting to steal 2nd base and then...BOOM! In one swift motion, he slaps her hand and face away with the might of the entire patriarchy behind him. She immediately falls to the floor. The runner is out! Her glasses fly across the room and the blood is now smeared on her face too.

He's not trying to perpetuate the patriarchy with violence toward women, but you can't smear smelly vaginal blood on someone's face and expect no reaction at all. Her ears are ringing. She's had men insult her, catcall her, and even pinch her ass before she was the Powerful Professor Diane Springer, but she's never been full on hit in the face by a man with a palm strike like that. Her ego and equilibrium are eviscerated. She's on her hands and knees and dumbfounded in silence, as are her students.

No one can move, but Pudge. He runs into the hall with blood still on his face. He tries wiping it with his hand but it smears and makes it look worse. A few of his basketball friends see him in the hall, who stop him to see what's happening. He explains what happened and instead of supporting their friend, they practically die laughing at him.

Pudge is found by a security guard, Gus, later the following day and summoned to the Dean's office, who had received numerous complaints about the incident. The Dean sympathizes somewhat with Pudge, considering what Professor Springer did to him, so he doesn't expel him. The Dean also knows there would be hell to pay if he fired the beloved Professor Springer so he can't do that either. His hands are tied, and he lets Pudge, and later Professor Springer off with a warning.

Pudge is glad he hasn't been thrown out. Like many stereotypical men, he can forget about grudges quickly, but like many stereotypical women, Springer will never forget.

Professor Springer is still furious. She thinks this is a classic example of a man being able to do whatever he wants to a woman with no consequences in an imbalanced system. This incident will stick in her craw until justice is served. She doesn't yet know how or when yet, but she will have her revenge.

Both Pudge with his slap and Professor Springer, with her period blood, have unknowingly started a war.