SNL 2020

United Front

Qing: And you will go there...why? You two are not doctors or medical professionals. Your visit might even set Uncle Stan back. What if you carry germs in his home?

Mama: Wang Qing! We are with clean habits. And I am sure, there are disinfectants and alcohol on Uncle Stan's home. We will disinfect before seeing him.

Qing: Maybe. But Dayu once called me untidy because I don't stay under the shower for half an hour. He once questioned your methods of raising me.

Mama: (sighing) I am questioning my methods on raising you. Your sense of humor is off. I could never know when you are joking or when you are serious. I am also starting to feel like everything you say is sarcasm and rudeness. Where did I go wrong with raising you?

Baba: And why won't you stay under the shower for half an hour? Are you running out of hot water if someone stayed too long on the shower? Just say so and we will buy you new tanks and water heater.

Me: Nope. Our supply of hot water is just fine. Qing just take quick showers before. I straighten that habit of his.

Mama: Good for you, Dayu ah. Oh I don't know what Qing's life will be if you are not with him. He'll probably live with an empty pantry and messy condo. Not to mention low supply on toiletries. When he was still living here, I had to make sure he still has some deodorants on his bathroom cabinet or he will use the empty one until I remember to replace it.

Me: That's nasty.

Mama: He was a slob who won't tell me if he needed more deodorant and after shave moisturizer. Being his mother was a trial when he was a teenage boy.

Qing: Exactly, I was a teenage boy. What teenage boy would remember to check his bathroom cabinets for stuffs?

Me: I do.

Qing: You are not normal, Love. You are not normal now...you were probably a weird teenager too.

Mama and I gasped. Baba coughed softly. Qing grinned at me.

Me: (smacking Qing's arm) I was not a weird teenager.

Qing: Mama begged to differ. She told me things, you know. Things I can use as ammunitions.

Me: You lie! My mother would never slander me.

Qing: Really? So it was a lie when she told me that you once planted some tomatoes so you can feed them to caterpillars so you'll get red butterflies?

Me: I only saw white butterflies around our garden before. I read somewhere that tomatoes are good for the skin. I thought if I give them to the caterpillar...they'll have red wings.

Baba: So what happened?

Me: The caterpillars ignored the tomatoes, they just ate the leaves. Then...they turned to white winged butterflies.

Qing: And then Dayu cried because he wants red winged butterflies. Adorable, but stupid.

Qing's parents glared at him.

Mama: What is stupid about wanting to see red winged butterflies? Oh, Qing...that's mean.

Baba: Your Mama is right. And you know this story yet you haven't gotten some red butterflies for Dayu yet? What is wrong with you?

Me: That's okay. I already watched tons of documentaries about butterflies. I don't want to own dead butterflies.

Mama: (patting my arm) I know. What about a painting of a red butterfly? I will contact an artist to make a painting of it for you.

Me: Really?

Mama: Of course. It'll be ready for your birthday.

Me: Thank you, Mama.