The Pacifier

Chapter 16

Zayn's POV

Niall and I cuddle for a good half hour before we begin the tedious process of getting ready for the day. I relish the time with him, knowing it may very well be coming to an end soon. Not that anyone knows I've been thinking of leaving- even going so far as to talk to a lawyer about it. I've done a good job, keeping it hush hush, I mean.

But every time I think of leaving, I think of Niall, of little Niall. And the thought of upsetting him breaks my heart in two, so I don't follow through. No matter how much pain I'm in about it all, I know I can't leave little Niall. And really, the whole situation isn't fair to either of us. It won't be fair to any of us. 

I help Niall change and remind him of the daily tasks he must complete like brushing his teeth and using the toilet before we leave for breakfast with the lads. Then I get ready while Niall plays on his phone. I swear he's addicted to candy crush as big and little Niall. But hey, whatever keeps him happy and alert, ready to be big Niall for the day. 

Before long, we've joined up with the other lads. We get a quick breakfast and then its off to the stadium for rehearsals. Just by Niall's state of mind last night, I know he'll be in for a nap later on. I let Louis know and he passes the message on to the other two lads.

We goof off as per usual during rehearsal. We perform the same show 100+ times almost every night. I'm pretty sure we know the routine by now, a little horseplay never hurt anyone. Then at the end of rehearsal, things aren't as planned.

I'm glad I have the lads' backs when rehearsal runs long and some woman from management wants to make it go even longer.

"Aye, we were promised a break!" Louis yells as she tries to force us back on stage.

"Yeah, we did this stadium last night, we know it through and through." Harry points out.

Eventually we get let go. We couldn't reveal the real reason we were clinging to that break. Management didn't even know about Niall's cancer, telling them he needed a nap would just come off wrong. and we'd never reveal the age play to them, we don't need a go around with one of their 'fixers'. 

Back in our dressing room, Niall is compliant as we help him get in comfier clothes and Harry rocks him to sleep. as Harry rocks him to sleep, we all change into something less sweaty for before we have to get all dolled up for tonight. 

Once I know Niall is asleep, I look around and decide I'll talk to Louis first about it.  I pull Louis aside to talk to him about these crushing thoughts.

"Hey what's up man?"

I just rush it out, "I'm thinking of leaving the band."

Louis' eyes get huge at that and he yanks me into the hallway. "You can't be serious." He looks at my face and sees I'm dead serious. "Ok, you are serious. What the h*ll is going on in that brain of yours that makes you think this is a good idea?" He thumps my forehead to drive his point home.

"I can't take it all anymore." I tell him. And he takes it as the age play being too much on my plate. He promises he'll talk to the other lads about helping to take some of it off my plate for awhile. And I let him think that, because that's what's easier even if I'm a chicken sh*t for doing it.

I warned him...

A/N: I know it's short, but I had to get something out on the 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY! (Also, check it out, this is my third update this week! Let me know your thoughts on Zayn's POV.