The Pacifier

Chapter 13

Liam's POV

It's been a week and it's honestly been the best week in a long time that I can remember. I've only left Niall's house to get groceries- a first. And we've received no calls, no texts, it's been eerily quiet but it's been so nice. It's been relaxing even, something I haven't been able to say for years.

Niall has been compliant with eating regularly and taking naps and it feels like we're finally moving in the right direction- past all of this. Everything's been so on edge since the diagnosis, it's nice that we've been able to slow things down and the others have gotten a break. Niall has been a right brat the last few weeks- not that I can blame him. But it's been so nice to have my Little Niall back. I almost wish we weren't scheduled to head to America in 2 days time. 

Today is Niall's orthopedic check-up, followed by his oncology check-up where they'll decide if he's fit to continue tour. I've done my best to get him there. I can tell he's put on a bit of the weight requested by the oncologist and he's definitely gotten the rest, but I don't know if it'll be enough. I don't want to let Niall down. Big or Little, letting Niall down is hard right now with all the bad that's come at him in his personal life. I want something good for him for a change. It'll make him much easier to be around when we get back to tour. 

By the time we leave the house, Niall has completely reverted back to Big Niall. Which is good since he doesn't want anyone to know about the age-play, but I worry. Pulling out that fast from such a deep headspace could be damaging. Nonetheless he does it. And I don't get to voice my worries- that's part of being Niall's best friend and 'Da'. I only get to voice my opinions when he's little.

At the hospital, I'm shocked when he motions me to join him inside the orthopedic's office, but I jump on it. We head there first and Niall signs in under a pseudonym. Almost immediately we are taken back.

It feels like this check-up is merely a formality, but after the doctor takes a look at Niall's knee and how it's healed I know this is anything but a formality.

"Niall, you haven't been staying off this like you promised, and the muscles aren't healing correctly with the prosthetic knee. If you're not careful you could loose the knee and we'd have to do something more drastic."

I'm shocked to my core at this news. Niall seems unfazed. Then again, I think most things don't faze Niall anymore.

"What does this mean for him with tour coming up?" I venture, hoping for good news since I know Niall's heart couldn't take anymore bad.

"He needs to stay off it when he's able, nothing strenuous. Your crutches are about to become your new best friends bud." The doctor pats Niall's good leg and we talk about a few more things before leaving.

When his appointment is over, we take a few minutes to sit and people watch. Niall leaves the orthopedic's office and about halfway over to oncology, he just finds a bench and sits. It's like he needs time to process.

"I knew it would be something like that, but that guts me." He tells me, playing with his fingers. 

"How'd you know?" I start with the easier question. The less painful question. 

"It's been hurting, I figured I did something- it wasn't healing right."

"Why didn't you say anything?" He still won't look me in the eyes. 

"Didn't wanna take a break. Didn't wanna let you lot down." The last bit I can tell takes a lot for him to admit, "didn't wanna admit it to myself."

"Why not?" 

"Cause I don't want it to change who I am." He tells me as tears cloud his eyes. 

"So why does the news gut you? Cause it doesn't change a thing about you to me, to the boys."

"Cause I don't wan to let the fans down." 

"Niall, I don't think you could ever let them down. Just be you, albeit less mobile, and they'll love you for just showing up bud!" I try to rouse him out of his state. I don't let him sink back down, "alright, now let's get to your next appointment and get you cleared for America!"

Niall perks up a bit and we head the rest of the way to oncology. Once there, Niall checks in but we have a short wait. I try to cheer him by telling him of all the trouble we're going to cause in America. I tell him we'll get him laid, he gets embarrassed at that but it intrigues him nonetheless. I tell him we'll give Paul a run for his money and we'll get pissed in a club. It cheers him some. 

....

"Niall, good to see you, you look well-rested, have you been getting that sleep we talked about?" Niall's oncologist says as he sits on the rolling stool in the patient room.

"Yes, loads." I hear a slightly sarcastic lilt to Niall's answer but the doctor doesn't catch it. "And as your nurse saw, I've gained 2.7kg." Niall is smug at this.

"Yes, yes. Well, how are you feeling?"

"Rested." He grits out. "Now, are you going to sign off on the North American Tour or not?"

"I will but you need to keep this up. I want to see you back in a month, with no weight loss and rested."

"Deal." I almost expect them to shake on it.

"And you're keeping up with your medicines?"

"Of course."

"Good, well if ortho has signed off then I'm comfortable with checking back in a month." The doctor signs a few things and hands papers to Niall and then we are out of there. It's not at all what I'm expecting but it makes Niall happy so, that's all that really matters. I wonder what the boys will say about all the things I promised Niall for America.