Trial of the Times

Chapter 29 - Snips

"What?" hisses the Togruta, "They can't do that!"

His expression becomes weary – if not slightly haunted – and he nods slightly. "Yes, actually they can." He can see the questions in her eyes she desperately wants to ask.

"Well if they do," she finally declares, "I'm coming with you. Someone has to watch your back, especially if you'll be hunting down a Sith Lord. And how could you really go hunting Sith without me?" There's a fake pout on her face, which makes him laugh.

"Obi-Wan has already told me he'll come with me," Anakin informs her, "And hunting Sith is a dangerous task, young one." He gives her a warning look, "It's not as easy as fighting Grievous."

She gives him an impish grin which is soon replaced with a hesitant look. "What did the Council discover that they might expel you for?"

Wonderful. Just the question he'd been hoping she wouldn't ask. He doesn't want to tell her. The thought of the Council hearing about it, is enough to make him feel sick again. The guilt is slowly dragging him under. How can he tell Ahsoka he murdered out of revenge? How can he tell her that he's Vader?

"I'd rather not talk about it," he finally mutters, looking stonily across the hall.

"But Master," Ahsoka argues, "I'll probably hear regardless. Wouldn't you rather tell me yourself than have me hear from someone else?"

And why does she have to be so right? This – it hurts. He doesn't want to say the words, almost as though saying them make them even more real. He doesn't want to acknowledge the depths of his crimes – against the Jedi and against the galaxy.

Reluctantly, he drags his gaze back to hers. She's waiting patiently for him to respond. She clearly knows he's going to tell her but realizes it's probably not easy for him to say. His mechanical hand clenches into a fist, and he reaches out with the Force to ensure that no one is listening. He's not near enough to any security device which could record his words either.

"I don't know where to start," he mumbles under his breath, knowing that she'll still hear him. And he doesn't. This is far from easy. What will she do? Will she want to leave him? That thought makes him flinch. He can't lose her – his little sister. It wouldn't be as bad as Obi-Wan – true – but it will still hurt.

"Anywhere. Just start talking," she suggests.

He closes his eyes, breathing in and trying to release some of the anxiety which is knotting up inside him. What will she take easiest? His touching the Dark Side – something which could be unforgivable for a Jedi? His marriage to Padme? His massacre of the Tusken Raiders?

Finally, he just starts talking like she advised. "They know about my relationship with Senator Amidala," he begins, eyes aimlessly tracing the structures in the hall. And why is she smirking about that? He raises an eyebrow, giving her a questioning look.

"I think everyone knows that you have feelings for her," Ahsoka loftily informs him.

Were they really that transparent? A slight blush colors his cheeks, and he fixes her with a severe expression. "Actually," he continues and finds himself suddenly unable to look at her anymore, "We kinda married..."

That she clearly didn't anticipate. He senses a rush of surprise and amusement. "Congratulations, Master," she drawls, smirking. Reaching out, she pats his arm. "I doubt you'll be expelled simply for that though."

He gives her a doubtful look but chooses not to express his misgivings aloud. "I've touched – used – the Dark Side. I – I –" Force. This is hard. He can't just come right out and say he could become a Sith! "I'm too close to it," he finally explains. That should be sufficient.

"Everyone makes mistakes. Being a Jedi isn't easy," Ahsoka reminds him quietly, "I think the Council can understand that." If only it was that simple.

"I know, but I don't think they'll be particularly forgiving now that they know that – that I'm Vader," grumbles Anakin, meeting her gaze once more.

She seems pensive though not surprised. Did she figure that out too? "I don't know what they'll say about that," she admits, shaking her head slightly, "I don't think they would expel you though."

He can't look at her anymore; not when her unwavering faith is misplaced. He turns, looking out a window. He can't bring himself to confess his deepest crime. He doesn't even know if he regrets it. Some days, the guilt torments him; other days, he feels he was justified. It's in the past, but they'll judge him for it. He failed them. He failed everyone, and that fact will always haunt him.

"There was more," Anakin says at last, his voice low, "And they will judge me for it. They just – they don't understand. More than that, I don't know if I even regret it," he finishes barely above a whisper.

"I don't know what to say," Ahsoka murmurs, "If they do expel you, I'm going with you. I mean it." She steps over to him, standing silently at his side and staring out the window with him. Neither of them speaks, each lost in their own thoughts.