Trial of the Times

Chapter 17 - Truths

Obi-Wan knows the moment Anakin snaps back to himself. The realization and shock on his face says it all. The way he avoids Obi-Wan's eyes, guilt radiating from his Force signature. True, he was horrified to realize that Anakin and Vader are one and the same, but he'd be lying to say that he wasn't happy that his brother was still alive.

Obi-Wan has known guilt – true – but nothing had compared to realization that he might have killed Anakin. It tore at him for days until he was kidnapped and ended up here. And now, his relief is simply overwhelming. He's just grateful to have his brother, although apparently, he needs help. A lot of help.

"Anakin, look at me," implores Obi-Wan gently. Anakin clenches his jaw and doesn't respond. He just stands there, staring at the wall looking stricken and exhausted. Just how much had his brother suffered thinking he was dead? He winces, realizing that every word Anakin had spoken was the truth. This was his fault. If he hadn't been gone, he would have been around to keep Anakin safely away from the Dark Side.

Obi-Wan stands up, having every intention of walking over and forcing Anakin to look at him. "I should leave," mutters Anakin, still carefully avoiding Obi-Wan's eyes. He moves towards the door, but Obi-Wan stops him, grabbing his arm.

"I think you should stay," he replies carefully, "You're clearly upset by what just happened, and if you don't want to talk about it, then at least stay here so we can talk about something else instead." The last thing he wants is to trigger Anakin again, but his brother simply looks too worn out to have another temper tantrum. He'll never admit how unnerving it was to see Anakin's yellow eyes, full of rage, and more importantly, pain.

He really had messed up their relationship. Now he'll be forced to fix the damage he caused. Somehow. "Of course, I'm upset," snaps Anakin, "It's not every day that Jedi almost fall to the Dark Side. I'm long past almost using it. I'm on the verge of falling!" He glares at Obi-Wan, but there's very little anger in his gaze. He just seems resigned.

"And I still want to know how all this happened," Obi-Wan reminds him.

"Why? It's not like you care," retorts Anakin, his tone becoming bitter. He just states it like it's some fact, when he's totally wrong.

"Of course, I care about you," replies Obi-Wan, slightly surprised that Anakin seems so convinced that he doesn't.

"Then how could you do that to me?" whispers Anakin, looking away. And now his anger is gone, and all Obi-Wan feels is so much pain and confusion. He wants to pull Anakin into his arms, which is impossible since his wrists are cuffed together.

A sigh escapes him as he tries to explain, "Because I was going undercover, without my lightsaber, right into the heart of Separatist territory. The Sith needed to be convinced I was really dead, or it could have compromised my position."

"And you didn't trust me to act convincingly," mutters Anakin. And now he's not angry. Just depressed. And that shouldn't be as scary, but for some reason, it's worse. Much, much worse than Obi-Wan ever thought it would be.

"It wasn't a risk I wanted to take," Obi-Wan answers carefully.

"You should have told me!" exclaims Anakin, his blue eyes meeting Obi-Wan's, and there's so much pain in his gaze that it hurts Obi-Wan. More than anything, he just wishes he hadn't gone on that mission, because he doesn't have any idea how he can fix their relationship now.

"I didn't realize you'd be affected so much. I'm sorry, Anakin. I know words won't fix what I did, but I am sorry." He just hopes that Anakin will understand and forgive him, because he doesn't want to be responsible for his brother falling to the Dark Side. It hurts, a lot more than he's willing to admit, that Anakin doesn't seem convinced that Obi-Wan cares about him, when he cares much, much more than he should.